Some very kind people suggested i post a new thread. I initially posted under a thread about secrecy which touched a chord with me. I'm having surgery this Friday in London and so far, have only told one friend who has just gone on holiday - to Antarctica! So he's not much use! I haven't even told my mother, to whom I regard myself as being close. However, she is a terrible worrier who usually manages to turn most of my problems into her own which results in me spending all my time reassuring her rather than the other way around. I know I'll get the 'I didn't sleep a wink' treatment from her if I do tell her. On the other hand, I am terrified that something goes wrong and she'll end up finding out anyway and she'll be really hurt. But at some point I'll have to tell her and I think she'll be hurt anyway. I've almost told her 100 times but she had her own medical problems just before Christmas and it didn't seem like a good idea. She also lives a long way away and I would have to tell her on the phone, which isn't ideal.

I would like the support of someone but I feel all my friends, good as they are, would judge me somewhat. Partly this is because they all love me as I am and I don't think any of them realise what pain my excess weight has caused me all my life. I doubt there has been an hour that has passed in my adult life when I haven't thought about my weight.

The person I told understands because he too has struggled with his weight all his life. Everyone else in my immediate circle is pretty gorgeous and 'normal'! Also, I don't think Brits are as accepting of WLS as people in the US seem to be. There is very much an attitude here that obesity is all about a lack of self-control and that is very unBritish! I suppose what I am really saying is that I am embarassed to admit that I am having this done. it would be far easier to admit having plastic surgery, which, thanks to all those US imports on TV like Extreme Makeover etc, is becoming positively normal!

But i have been reading the message boards a lot recently and so admire all the support you give each other. I'm looking forward to becoming part of the community. Any words of comfort at this, the difficult 3 day out stage, would be very, very gratefully received.

I also have a practical question. I live alone and will be coming home after 2 nights in hospital. Will I be able to lift things - not weights or anything, but say pick up my shoes, put on socks, empty my suitcase?

Thanks in advance. By the way, I haven't weighted myself recently but I think I'm around the 17stone mark - that would be around 240lbs at 5'6" BMI 39. My target weight is 140lbs - the weight I was when I graduated.

Welcome! I didn't have any problem doing things by the time I got home. Just remember to do some walking to help the gas pains, and sip on the liquids. There are a lot of bansters that are closet bansters, and I am one of those except for a few people in my family. I find it easier to avoid all the questions about how much have you lost, etc. There is always someone on this board that is willing to help you with your questions. Please post often, and post when you are done with your surgery to let us know how you are doing.

Wow, nice to have you here, Scotty. With as many Obese people as there are in this world, it's amazing how lonely one can feel...I know I feel lonely alot. It's a very private pain that everyone here understands. You have come to the right place for support. I'll let the pro-bandsters answer your practical question...just wanted to say Welcome and best wishes for a successful surgery on Friday...

Hi Scotty..

For me personally I was shopiing in TJ the very next day..I had no problems putting on my shoes , unpacking my suitcase...

Being nervous is part of the game..it you werent a little nervous you would not be normal. This is a life changing step you are about to make....You will do just fine. Try and relax..soon you will be one of us Good Luck and please let us know how it goes for you once you are home and feeling up to it...

I was nervous the week before, but very calm the morning of the surgery. You'll breeze right through it.

Such a cute pic in your profile.

You scuba and are building a house in Bali...Too cool.

As far as Mom, that's a though one. I traveled a distances to get my band and everything was just fine not a single problem. But It sounds like you need to tell her, perhaps make it sound very minor as to not worry her. Ya, I don't know your Mom...your very close to her.

There are several bansters here that haven't told anyone and come here for support.

Wishing you the best and welcome.

Scotty, you're already gorgeous! Just think how great a few less pounds will look. Be sure you have your pantry stocked w/your necessary items...variety of liquids, soups, etc. Pack very lightly for the hospital... just the bare necessities...change of clothes, slip on shoes, tooth paste/brush, comb, etc. Telling your Mom can go both ways...she can fret and worry or she can be very helpful and give you some tender loving care. Please take care of yourself, rest a lot, and please let us know how you're doing - when you feel up to it. Best of luck to you!

Welcome Scotty! You and I both weigh nearly the same & have about the same goal. I too have had your same struggle about to tell or not to tell. I firmly beleive your surgery will go off without a hitch. So don't worry about that. You'll know when your ready to tell your Mom, so don't worry about that right now. Maybe when you start to really drop your weight will be the time to tell her. That way she will see how great your doing & won't have the excuse to worry so much about you (or is it about her- my mom is the same way)LOL

I really think between your friend who I assume will be back in a few weeks & this board you'll have enough support to get you through the first couple weeks. I promise you can count on me anytime. I check the baord daily & will be happy to lend a shoulder or ear at anytime. You are going to do great & be just fine. Congradulations to you Scotty!

Hello Scotty -- Thanks for introducing yourself. You'll find a lot of supportive people here, including several in the UK.

To tell or not to tell? My suggestion is to listen to your instinct. If your first impulse is to keep the surgery a secret from your mother, do. You don't need to spend these last days -- hours, really -- reassuring someone, when you're the one having an operation.

A lot of us found it hard to sleep before being banded, due to varying combinations of worry and excitement. If there's any way to distract yourself from all things Lap Band before Friday, please write back and let us all know, will you? Seriously, the nervousness you feel is totally normal. I remember tossing and turning, imagining what would happen one day, one month, four months after the surgery. Those calendar pages turned without any help from me, and maybe you can find some comfort in reminding yourself that certain milestones are coming . . . Easter, say, or the latest Royal Wedding.

>Will I be able to lift things - not weights or anything, but say pick up my shoes, put on socks, empty my suitcase?<

That's different for each of us. Some people have already written to say they were up and about, functioning normally. I had a lot of trouble. Socks were out of the question. I suggest wearing clogs or loafers -- easy slip-on shoes -- to the hospital & for several days after. (Of course I was banded in Mexico in August, not London in February.)

Ask your surgeon about lifting. I was told to avoid lifting anything, and for the first week I didn't even want to try. Since Mr. Antarctica is out of the picture, is there anyone else you might feel comfortable asking for help for a few days after you get back from hospital? I mention this only because small things can become very frustrating if you're uncomfortable, and it's a great comfort to be able to rely on someone you trust.

Other concrete suggestions: If you have a dog, try to make arrangements for someone to walk him/her for a week or so after your return. Do as much shopping as you can before your surgery. Don't be an idiot (like me) and go back to work before you are ready; I thought I was proving how tough I was, but in retrospect I think I was mad. Keep a lot of books and videos on hand; I preferred videos because the pain meds made it hard for me to concentrate on reading. And think about telling some of those thin gorgeous friends what you're going through, either before Friday or after you get home. You may be surprised at how willing they are to help and to listen. Good luck!

Scotty,

I, too, am going to be a closet bandster. Only my husband and a close friend know. I even fibbed to my employer. My surgery is next month.

I feel that if people know what I am doing, they may shame me for being week and not doing it on my own. If I "could" do it on my own, I wouldn't be here.

However, if people see me losing weight, I can tell them I am doing the "small plate diet" eating mostly what I want, just controlling portions and wow..........I get no attitude from them.

As far as my family, I feel that they will always worry and some of my family members, parents mostly, just don't need the stress and I don't need the grief.

Good luck to you and may God Bless,

TB

Welcome, Scotty

I too was reluctant to tell my mom about the procedure as she is a chronic worrier. But I finally decided ( with the encouragement of my sister) to go ahead and inform her of what I was going to have. Mostly because I felt the same as you, that if something were to happen, she would feel decieved. After she saw how great I felt when I returned home, she and my dad both began to give me all kinds of support. They even gave me a food processer as a gift. They are now happy that I had the procedure because they can see my joy now compared to before the band.

You will be fine and if you're like most of us, you will feel good in a couple of days. Don't worry just come to this board often.

Thank you so much for all your comments! I can't tell you how good it feels to have such support. Isn't the Internet amazing!

In 48 hours I'll be in the hospital. 7am arrival. I've decided not to tell my mother until after the procedure. What Zoe said is right and my instinct and experience tells me that if i tell her about this, I'll spend all my time reassuring her and not thinking about myself.

I spoke to Mum last night and asked her to come and visit later this month and she started to recite a list of engagements she had! Which is a good thing - I like that she is so busy as she is a widow. Since my father died the roles have definitely reversed in our relationship!

I have another friend, Peter, who I told I was going into hospital for a minor op but not what kind. He said he would come and visit me on Friday and has already agreed to come and see me every day after the op. He lives near by. I'll probably tell him the whole truth soon. Right now, I don't want to give him the chance to try and dissuade me.

I feel I have spent the last week mourning my relationship with food. I keep trying to imagine what it will be like when the relationship changes. I have been single for a long time and I suppose food has been the most important relationship in my life. I work in TV and have worked on a lot of cooking shows including Two Fat Ladies, Naked Chef, MasterChef. To be honest, working on those shows is when my weight started to soar. I'm a good cook and love cooking for my friends - I even dated a very famous chef for a while. I know that doesn't have to stop but I am worried about saying goodbye to the joy of enjoying a long langurous meal with friends.

However, I know that I have to get control and ultimately that is the aim here and the benefits of being slim all the time far outweigh the short term pleasure in eating to excess. Did anyone else feel that sense of loss in advance of their op?

Again, thanks to you all.

PS Finally worked out how to get my pic online!

Sounds like you have such a wonderful life! I think we can all relate w/the mourning of foods. But you'll still be able to have those long langurous meals w/ your friends! You'll just be making wiser food choices and be able to enjoy the conversations more.

We have a bandster on here (La_Madam) who owns a restaurant and has done amazingly. She works around rich foods every day. She's lost 80 pounds and is so close to her goal!

You'll also realize that there's a lot more out there to do and enjoy (that don't include food!) than planning what the next meal is going to be. That's a great idea having your friend come by and check on you.

Please come back and let us know how you're doing, when you feel like it. Best of luck to you as you begin a wonderful new chapter in your life!

Scotty-Best of luck! I also choose not to tell me very closest friend as she does not believe in weight lost surgery, and she is actually heavier then me and has some health issues that are getting worse as her weight goes up and down. I did tell her, but like 2 days before the surgery. I didn't want anything negative while getting approved by my insurance company. She was OK with it, but I was very straight with her telling her this was my choice and with my family istory of obese diseases I needed to do something. (Mother has HPB, and recently a kidney transplant due to diabetes is HPB.) You will find in your heart who you can use for support. Best wishes to you on your surgery!