My husband has never been 100% on-board with my decision to get the lap band surgery. I am getting such mixed messages from him, and I am really hurt. Here is the deal...

He is a physician. He suggested I lose weight for health reasons, and said he will help me any way he can. He said he will cook healthy meals for me, run with me, hire me a trainer...whatever I want to do. Well, I tried that for 2 years (not the running thing, I hate to run!), and I kept gaining and losing the same 10 pounds. When I told him how frustrated I was, he said that if I started to increase my cardio, the weight would fall off (he lost 40 pounds when he took up running). I explained that we were different, and I think I would look into the Lap-Band procedure. He started calling his GI friends and surgeon friends, and got me Dr. Steinberg's name.

All is great, and I start the necessary steps to get the surgery scheduled. Hubby calls Dr. Steinberg, thinks he is a great guy. He gets medical articles on the procedure, and asks around in the hospital about it.

Last week, I said to him that my final payment is due next monday (I am self-pay). He makes a face, and says, "Why do you have to pay upfront?". "Because that is the hospital policy on scheduled, non-insurance surgeries..." Then he starts complaining that as a doctor (he is not a surgeon)...he doesn't require patients to pay upfront. Well....because his patients all pay a $40 co-pay.

Then, last night, I mentioned how helpful I was finding this support board. Again, he made a face and said, "Why are you going on Internet web boards?" Now I am pissed! "Because I need someone to share this experience with, and I need people who I can turn to for support!" 2 minutes of silence followed. Then he said, "I'm supportive of you.". I said, "No you're not. You never ask me about me doctor's appointments, you know nothing of my pre-op diet, post-op diet, what to expect the first few days home, what meds I will need, what my life will be like after surgery!" Then he said, "You never told me you wanted to talk about it. I am afraid you think this surgery is an easy-fix, and you think the weight will fall off with no effort on your part. You know...you can't eat what you were eating before and you will have to exercise to lose the weight. Also, you may be in some pain after the surgery..did you know that?" OM f***ing G!!! Is he freaking serious! "Hey, doctor ass****, I gave birth to two of your children, I think I know to expect pain! Oh, and really? I have to change my diet? Like the 2 hour nutritional seminar went over, and the 12 page eating guide they gave me goes over? Maybe if you showed any interest in this process, you would know all this!" My therapist, and my step mother are more supportive of me right now than he is!

Okay, it sounds like I am still a little mad! It is Monday morning at 7am. He already left for work. Before he left, he woke me up, and apologized. Both of our kids are going our for New Years Eve tonight, so it is just the two of us. I just don't get it! He was so on board, and supportive in the beginning. When I ask him what has changed, he just says he doesn't know.

Sorry for such a long vent!

Hi Dazzle! "New Year's Knockouts" is the name we voted on to represent the group with January 2008 surgery dates. Congrats on your surgery date! I'm Jan 10th

Hey I don't know you or your husband, but speaking as a husband of a wife who did a gastric bypass and now as a person who has done a lap band, I think I might understand where he's coming from. You see, this morning on the Today Show, they trumpted some success stories of a couple of women who will be featured in the latest People magazine for having lost substantial weight with diet and exercise. It is like the rest of world thinks people who do WLS are weak for going the WLS surgery route. Since I have experience, I would say the opposite. People who use WLS as a tool are just as determined as those that do it with D&E. Maybe people who use WLS are just a bit more desperate compared to those that do D&E.

As for the money thing, well, all husbands and concerned about the money thing. Its the way we are, but don't think he is unsupportive. He's just not happy with the pay up front, and I can sympathize with him on that. Especially since he knows how healthcare works.

As for using the Internet for support and info, I think all doctors have a problem with the Internet being used by non-doctors. There is bad information on the net, but if you are discerning, the net can be a valuable tool. I don't think doctor's like to be questioned or challenged about their analysis or diagnosis.

Good luck with your surgery and I know when you reach your goal, it will be due to your efforts and will power. The band will just be a tool that will help you, just like the exercise equipment you'll use. The band alone will not be the solution. It will take all you have to achieve your goal, but you can do it.

Just my 2 cents for what it is worth.

All the Best,

Danny

Big-D! What a great post. It's always nice to hear from the male species, since there are times we're sure we come from different planets. LOL Great attitude.

Noticed you were just banded. Congrats and best wishes on your journey to a healthier you.

Carol

Thanks Big-D....it definitely helps to hear things from another perspective. Oh...and by the way..welcome to the Jan. 08 board!

Gwenn

You want to hear something funny? I read that some husbands have a problem with their wives getting banded...well, my husband was all for it - very much wanting me to get it. That should have satisfied me, right? Oh, but nooo - my first thought was "he must really think I am fat...." poor guys can't win for losin'!!

You want to hear something funny? I read that some husbands have a problem with their wives getting banded...well, my husband was all for it - very much wanting me to get it. That should have satisfied me, right? Oh, but nooo - my first thought was "he must really think I am fat...." poor guys can't win for losin'!!

LOL! It's sad but so true! Bless there hearts....we sure are hard on 'em.

what a great thread! My DH is very supportive but did not take the nitty gritty seriously. He is one who will google everything he hears about to read up on it and did no research of his own on the lapband. He did not seem to take an interest in the understanding the food phases, the effect on me and our lives. I had a long heart to heart with him and told him it hurt that he was taking no interest. Now he has read Dr. Ortiz's book and has been making broth and soup for my liquid stage. I guess communication really is the way!

I think it is important to have that support system around you before you have this surgery.....doesn't matter if it is your husband, a friend, or this board. My husband isn't supportive of it (but then again he isn't supportive of much else either....long story). I knew going into this that if I wanted to succeed I would need to put together my own support system and that is what I did. Thanks to this board and a few friends I made that had the surgery around the same time, I am getting thru on my own One more thing to add to my 'proud' list...

I have to say that my husband has been 100% ok with me getting a band. However, he often forgets what being supportive means. LOL I think just about every day he offers me something to eat that I am not allowed, and this is only the pre-op phase! I just give him "the look" and he is like, oops sorry! It sure would be easier if he was at all interested in healthier eating!

Hi there

I was looking for some sort of forum as I have my surgery booked for 16th January and I'm quite nervous about it. Can I join this one??? You all seem so supportive, you're just what I'm looking for!

Welcome on board, Lilackat. People are really friendly around here. Good luck for your banding on the 16th. Mine is on the 10th - 7 days to go but who is counting?!!

Hi Lilackat,

Good luck on your surgery. I am being done the same day. I am getting very nervous as well. The people on these forums are a great help though.

Saleel22

TXBandit, that is so funny I was the same way. I told my husband that I was going to look into it because our insurance would cover it. I scheduled the initial consultation and before I went I told him I didn't think that I was going to go and he kept on pushing me to go. I got so mad accusing him of thinking I was too fat and not liking me anymore. You know the typical stuff. Poor guys!!!!

Lilackat and saleel22,

I'm getting band on the 16th too! How are u guys doing on your pre-op diet?

Hi Nadean,

I have been lucky to not have to do a pre-op diet. Apparently my surgeon doesn't do this as a routine thing.Can't say I am sorry though as it would have been hard to explain to every one at Christmas and over the New Year because I haven't told any one about the op. Good luck on the pre-op.

Saleel22

Okay, I know I'm not part of the January group, but I found this thread and love it! I must ask though, what does DH stand for? Thanks and happy new year everyone!