My husband has never been 100% on-board with my decision to get the lap band surgery. I am getting such mixed messages from him, and I am really hurt. Here is the deal...

He is a physician. He suggested I lose weight for health reasons, and said he will help me any way he can. He said he will cook healthy meals for me, run with me, hire me a trainer...whatever I want to do. Well, I tried that for 2 years (not the running thing, I hate to run!), and I kept gaining and losing the same 10 pounds. When I told him how frustrated I was, he said that if I started to increase my cardio, the weight would fall off (he lost 40 pounds when he took up running). I explained that we were different, and I think I would look into the Lap-Band procedure. He started calling his GI friends and surgeon friends, and got me Dr. Steinberg's name.

All is great, and I start the necessary steps to get the surgery scheduled. Hubby calls Dr. Steinberg, thinks he is a great guy. He gets medical articles on the procedure, and asks around in the hospital about it.

Last week, I said to him that my final payment is due next monday (I am self-pay). He makes a face, and says, "Why do you have to pay upfront?". "Because that is the hospital policy on scheduled, non-insurance surgeries..." Then he starts complaining that as a doctor (he is not a surgeon)...he doesn't require patients to pay upfront. Well....because his patients all pay a $40 co-pay.

Then, last night, I mentioned how helpful I was finding this support board. Again, he made a face and said, "Why are you going on Internet web boards?" Now I am pissed! "Because I need someone to share this experience with, and I need people who I can turn to for support!" 2 minutes of silence followed. Then he said, "I'm supportive of you.". I said, "No you're not. You never ask me about me doctor's appointments, you know nothing of my pre-op diet, post-op diet, what to expect the first few days home, what meds I will need, what my life will be like after surgery!" Then he said, "You never told me you wanted to talk about it. I am afraid you think this surgery is an easy-fix, and you think the weight will fall off with no effort on your part. You know...you can't eat what you were eating before and you will have to exercise to lose the weight. Also, you may be in some pain after the surgery..did you know that?" OM f***ing G!!! Is he freaking serious! "Hey, doctor ass****, I gave birth to two of your children, I think I know to expect pain! Oh, and really? I have to change my diet? Like the 2 hour nutritional seminar went over, and the 12 page eating guide they gave me goes over? Maybe if you showed any interest in this process, you would know all this!" My therapist, and my step mother are more supportive of me right now than he is!

Okay, it sounds like I am still a little mad! It is Monday morning at 7am. He already left for work. Before he left, he woke me up, and apologized. Both of our kids are going our for New Years Eve tonight, so it is just the two of us. I just don't get it! He was so on board, and supportive in the beginning. When I ask him what has changed, he just says he doesn't know.

Sorry for such a long vent!

Hi PrincessJen80, This is a very good friendly group. It looks like you are doing well. Congrat's. DH Dear Husband (I think).

Saleel22

Hi everyone, Great thread, Citigirl. My situation was different. I was originally the selfish, jealous one, unsupportive of my husbands decision to get the band. We are both overweight, he has a long list of co-morbidities, and I just have physical problems with my legs and feet. I would go to the gym, work out regularly, and couldn't get enough lost to justify the effort. Very frustrating. He doesn't do exercize, pretty darn sedentary, and doesn't have a steady income (self employed). His medical bills and medication have all been taken care of by me. For years he justified all the medications as a way to not have to lose weight. Saying he'd rather take more meds that give up all the foods he loved, or have to work at losing weight. So when he brought up the subject of going to a foreign country for the surgery, I was floored! Who's going to pay for it? What about me, I need it too. I'm the one that pays the bills, that goes out to work 60 hours a week, that is in pain most days. I was going through a lot of selfish thoughts.

After much discussion, and cold shoulder non-discussions, we decided we'd do it together, and what did we need to do to afford the cost. What can we give up that is less important than our future together in good health.

So, we leave tomorrow for Mexico, and our surgery is on the 8th. I think eventually my insurance might have authorized the surgery for my husband, but never for me. This way, we are in it together, through the liquid phase, through the pain, through all the good and not so good stuff. But never without love and support for each other.

Stay positive, and do it for yourself. You deserve to feel better, and look better too, if that is your desire. Good Luck!

Hi Donna....Wow, you came up with the perfect solution to your problem. I met a couple in my surgeons office who got banded together a year ago, and they said it was a GREAT experience! They got to go through the whole journey together. Her only complaint was that her husband lost weight much faster than she did (you know how men always do!), and she had to remember to not make comparisons. Good luck with your surgeries, and let us know how it goes.

Gwenn

Donna, best of luck to you and your husband! You've got a great plan. Best wishes for a quick recovery. We look forward to hearing from you.

Carol

Fat&Thrifty.... You're going to the same doc as me in Mexico. I'll do my surgery on the 17th.. got a cheaper rate for the Thursday surgery.. I think its great that you both are doing this together.. My DH has NEVER had a problem with weight, he has great genes!!.. but he does understand that eating is problem, as he smokes.. I'm worried that won't understand my eating habits and not to push food my way.. It will be test for us both! LOL

I'll be anxious to here about your experience in Mexico.. How have you done on your pre-op dieting? I'm dreading it big time. I've found Protein mix that's not to bad, instant Breakfast ok.. and favored tea will be my savior..

Good luck, let us hear...

Kathy

Hi everyone, Thanks for all the well wishes! We're back from Mexico, and all is well. I developed a rash on my abdomen, probably from the latex bandages. They knew not to use iodine on me since I am allergic, but I guess I'm allergic to something else too, probably the latex. I sent off photos to our Dr. so he can diagnosis. Other than that, Dr. Rumbaut was great. His whole staff is really on the ball. Thursday morning Dr. Adriana came by the hotel to check on us, and go over all the things we need to remember about the band. Later that afternoon, we were taking a walk, and Joe (my husband) started belching violently and continually. We were both scared, so we walked back to the hotel, and called the Dr's office. Within 20 minutes, Dr. Richard was there to check him out. By that time, the belching had subsided, and he was passing gas. I was so impressed with their prompt response. Later in the evening, the surgeon, Dr. Rumbaut, stopped by to check on us. Where in the USA would that ever happen? 3 Dr. visits to our hotel in one day. I would not hesitate to recommend their services. BTW it helps if you know a little Spanish as I did.

Glad you're back and all went so well. I'm even more glad to hear about Dr. Rumbaut and staff...I'm really nervous, getting packed.. Will start clear liquids tomorrow.. so far I've dropped 23 pounds since I weighed 12/21/07..

Kcintx, Good luck to you, sounds like you are on the right track already with your weight loss. The liquids are getting rather boring, but if you have a blender, you can vary your intake. Today I added an egg to the chicken broth and lipton chicken noodle soup. Blended it til it was so liquidy. But tasted good. Not the best Sunday dinner, but we're doing it together, which makes it easier.

Never lose sight of your goals and you will achieve them!

:welldoneclap:Glad to hear you are both doing well. Congratulations.