Hi all,

I just had the gastric sleeve done on 6/21, and I am having so many feelings of loneliness and regret. I know this is a normal thing among people who have received bariatric surgeries, but even that thought doesn't bring me comfort.

I stayed up all night the past 2 nights feeling like I just made the biggest mistake of my life, wondering why I didn't just exercise and eat healthier and spare my body and mind from this irreversible change. The first 4 days after surgery were the toughest for sure. Physically, that is. The pain was unmanageable even with the pain medications my doctors prescribed. Now the pain is (mostly) gone, and the liquid diet is killing me. I can't even think about FairLife Core Power Elite protein shakes without gagging (I dry heaved just writing the name out). I've tried what feels like every protein powder under the sun, and nothing seems to be enjoyable. Normally if I didn't like something, but needed to get it down for whatever reason, I'd just chug it. And I can't even do that anymore. I've always been an emotional eater, so now that when I'm sad and I can't eat, I get even sadder.

Despite all of this, I think what keeps tearing me down is the feeling of loneliness. Now, I'm 19 years old with an awesome support system from my parents, siblings, and awesome friends. And I appreciate the hell out of all of them. But none of them understand. This has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my 19 years and I have no one in my circle who can even attempt to relate to these specific feelings. I am staying with my parents right now, which is nice. But, my family is filled with people whose lives revolve around food. Every birthday, every special occasion, and even the rewards when my siblings and I were little were all food-based. That's how my family socializes and bonds with each other. And that's not something I can do (I know just for a little bit but time seems to be going by so slowly). I literally hide in my room from 6pm-10pm because if I were to go downstairs everyone would be out there eating something that looks so delicious and having a great time together. When I explain these things to my mom, she just says "Well just come down and drink a protein shake with us!". It's definitely not the same because of all of the sadness and FOMO I feel when I see them eating things I can't have for at least 5 more months. And with the 4th of July being tomorrow (a holiday that my family spends drinking and eating from morning until night), I feel like I have no choice but to spend the holiday in my room watching the Dodgers game by myself.

It just feels like I'm drowning in a swimming pool and no one can get through the gate to save me.

I'm sorry this post is such a downer. Maybe I'm just overreacting. I just needed to get this off my chest and I hope at least one person on this site can relate.

Thank you for reading.

From what I was told by my doctor, changes in hormones after surgery is normal and may affect mood. I know that doesn't help solve the depression, but it may help to know that it is normal and temporary. If you find it doesn't ease up or that it gets worse, consider temporarily going on anti-depressants. This surgery is difficult enough without trying to get through the mental aspects without help. After a few months, you can (with help from your doctor) taper off the meds and see if your mood is better. Also, if you are not already seeing a therapist, get one if you can. I see one and I can tell you, just having a stranger to spit everything out to that isn't going to judge is amazing. This is a hard time, there is no reason why you have to do this alone.

Oh boy can I relate. I keep saying on these forums that the metal aspect is the most difficult part of the surgery and the one I was least prepared. Bariatric teams can’t prepare you for it because everyone is so different.

You are mourning food, specifically being able to eat it, like you did in the quantities, and the timings of the past. This was so hard for me. But it does get easier, just like your body healing physically, it heals mentally. Once you get back on solid food and your body gets used to the portion sizes.

During the transition periods, I used that time to really search myself for the hold that food had on me. I spoke to counselors and my dietitians about it as well. Try to use this time to really understand what food meant to you and how it got you to where you were before surgery. Go to the picnic and observe the food and the way people eat it. I had a massive connection between happiness at gatherings and the quantity of food I ate. I came to realize this was an addiction. Once I started losing weight and healed, it was easier for me to see the damage that food had done. From there it became easier to be with others, eating at gatherings, parties, etc..

Hang in there it gets easier as long as you use the time to really, really address the mental issues that go along with the physical. Like wolfgirl states, reach out to your team to get any additional help you may need to get you through the stage.

Edited July 4, 20233 yr by Fred in Pa

Big hugs! I want to say good for you for taking this step at 19! I'm 50 and should have done this in my 30's. A lot of time and opportunities wasted.

The week's after surgery are super hard. I promise it gets better, especially as you reintroduce food, even if it is pureed! Please don't stress too much about protein right now. The most important thing it's to stay hydrated. Hitting protein goals is pretty tricky the first 6 weeks imo. It's only in in thr past 2 weeks I'm getting there as my diet becomes more regular and I'm in a routine. I preplan my meals for the week and ensure I have healthy snacks that help me meet my protein goals. I look on Pinterest all the time for inspiration. Use this time to think ahead and get some ideas for the future.

You'll get better at being in situations with food. It doesn't bother me. Tonight they got takeaway and I skipped it as I'd preplanned a meal I'm looking forward to. In no time you’ll be able to eat with your family, just smaller portions. It just becomes normal.

Hang in there!

REading your post, I can so relate to rewards/family connection around food- it’s so HARD! Good news is that you can shift that to something new over time— and still enjoy those family bonding moments. But in the beginning with hormones raging- and yes, fat holds estrogen so its flushing out as you loose— it is so emotional. You have not lost that forever, it’s just evolving. Soon it can be more about being together than the eating part. Definitely consider getting a counselor on your team- even if you get one on your own, find one with eating disorder experience, mine has helped more that dietician even. DBT and CBT are great treatment options with therapist, imo.

As for the 6-10 pm hide out- is there anything you can do outside your home to keep you engaged in something healthy for you? I started organizing my home, doing small projects, walking or even just going for a car ride to keep my mind occupied. Movement, fresh air and exercise is great for our mood/mental health. Or do you have any hobbies/interests you can engage in to get out of the headspace? Maybe any volunteering? Even just playing with a pet can lift my mood. Medication can also really help.

You are incredibly brave and can do this— dont give up and soon you will be on the other side of it with a healthier version of you.

I went through the same thing and the same feelings; it gets better it really does. once you start eating normal food and drinking more than a sip at a time you will feel much better. once you get over that stage things go back to normal pretty quick to quick for me. My advice, don't rush it because this period of restriction can lessen a great deal anywhere from the 6-month mark to 2 years. I didn't believe my surgeon when he told me this but it's true. now I wish I had the fresh post op restriction. But yes it sucks right now but you will get through it and in 12 months you will know it was the right thing to do.

Your emotions and feelings are valid. It's such a big change. I had my surgery in January of 2022 and the night before the surgery I remember thinking, for a fleeting moment, that I just wanted to cancel all of it.....the fear of the unknown...the fear of leaving a comfort zone....our beloved comfort foods.

I can tell you, I'm glad I did not change my mind. I'm over a year and I have never been happier. I've lost over 75 lbs and my life has changed for the better. I feel free! You will get there, I promise you, you will. Allow yourself to have those days of "loneliness"....they are normal. Push through them. You are strong, you are young and beautiful. In a few months, you will look back and smile....

Allow yourself the time to heal, to recover, to adjust... You are so brave and strong. Remember your "why". You are meant to do amazing things.

Tight hugs to you ♥

First thing that caught my attention is your age. Damn, 19 and took the decision for the surgery. I wish I had the balls to do it in my younger days than being caught in the vicious cycle of 2 decades worth of dieting. Just look at this as a blessing that you'll enjoy all your 20s, 30s, peak of your youth without getting conscious of your body every other second. I wish I were in your shoes and my life would have quite different than getting my life back on track in my late thirties.

Not trying to undermine your struggle. I know for me the journey wasn't as difficult but I am aware it can be for many out there. So hang in there, even this phase will pass through and next year you'll have so much to look forward to. I am seriously jealous you're getting this done before even hitting your 20s!

Good luck and wish you all the best. If things get too out of hands, do consult a therapist or pour your heart away right here!

Edited July 5, 20233 yr by DaisyAndSunshine

On 07/03/2023 at 21:46, Wolfgirl17 said:

From what I was told by my doctor, changes in hormones after surgery is normal and may affect mood. I know that doesn't help solve the depression, but it may help to know that it is normal and temporary. If you find it doesn't ease up or that it gets worse, consider temporarily going on anti-depressants. This surgery is difficult enough without trying to get through the mental aspects without help. After a few months, you can (with help from your doctor) taper off the meds and see if your mood is better. Also, if you are not already seeing a therapist, get one if you can. I see one and I can tell you, just having a stranger to spit everything out to that isn't going to judge is amazing. This is a hard time, there is no reason why you have to do this alone.

This is great to know! My doctor didn’t tell me that.

On 07/04/2023 at 01:56, Fred in Pa said:

Oh boy can I relate. I keep saying on these forums that the metal aspect is the most difficult part of the surgery and the one I was least prepared. Bariatric teams can’t prepare you for it because everyone is so different.

You are mourning food, specifically being able to eat it, like you did in the quantities, and the timings of the past. This was so hard for me. But it does get easier, just like your body healing physically, it heals mentally. Once you get back on solid food and your body gets used to the portion sizes.

During the transition periods, I used that time to really search myself for the hold that food had on me. I spoke to counselors and my dietitians about it as well. Try to use this time to really understand what food meant to you and how it got you to where you were before surgery. Go to the picnic and observe the food and the way people eat it. I had a massive connection between happiness at gatherings and the quantity of food I ate. I came to realize this was an addiction. Once I started losing weight and healed, it was easier for me to see the damage that food had done. From there it became easier to be with others, eating at gatherings, parties, etc..

Hang in there it gets easier as long as you use the time to really, really address the mental issues that go along with the physical. Like wolfgirl states, reach out to your team to get any additional help you may need to get you through the stage.

I have a therapist I’ve been going to for years now, which I’m so blessed to have. thank you for your comment and helping me realize I’m not as alone as I thought I was