Sometimes I get SOOO frustrated with my family. First they didn't agree with what I am doing. My mom was super supportive of my decision even though she did agree. My sister said she thought it was stupid and other choice phrases and my brother said, "Why don't you just run?" (to which I had some choice phrases)

So....I am going home for Christmas and as a show of good will I bought a beautiful prime rib for Christmas dinner. I will be on mushies but will eat around what everyone else is. If it is just some Jello and au jus so be it.

My sister calls last night and asks me, "Can you have jello." I tell her I love it and plan on making some SF lime with cottage cheese in it. Next comes "Can you have pumpkin pie?" "I CAN but probably won't," I tell her. "What about lemon meringue?" "Again, probably not." "Hot chocolate with whip cream?" "do you understand what a diet is?" I ask. "Oh, that's right, so stuff more like candied yams?" ....it continued but you get the picture.

How do you stay nice about that???? I honestly am thinking maybe I shouldn't go. I finished the conversation telling her that I would blend whatever I could, that I would be drinking Water and protien drinks mostly, and that they shouldn't worry about what I can and can't have. I wanted to jump through the phone and strangle her though.

She's overweight. She knows what a diet is. She's not a "normal". I may have to go to prison for murder if this continues! I'm already grumpy from lack of something to chew on.

I guess I just had to vent. Does anyone have any suggestions that don't include murder or mayhem? I guess maiming is probably out of the question too. Would it be wrong of me to take her present back and buy her a heart instead?

Steph

Oh geez, I feel for you, but she is still your family, and say to her, "enough already, go on the damn internet and read what I am allowed to have since you won't listen to me".

I guess my attitude comes from being the oldest, and living in NYC, we are thick skinned with an attitude.

But your sister sounds like she is being catty, purposely looking to annoy you. Maybe she's jealous, maybe your parents have been talking your surgery up, after all if she's overweight and you are a success, they maybe pointing at her next.

In any event, go home, enjoy yourself as best as possible. It wouldn't be a holiday without someone in the family having a fight.

Yes it would annoy me...but I think perhaps you're more angered than usual because you want to chew... that's the way I was.

go...come up with a stock answer to let them know you don't want their opinion any more...something along the lines of..."I can hear what you are saying."...is not commital, and boring after a while.

You'll feel better after the mushie stage when you can chew...promise!

Rain

I completely understand your frustrations. But maybe instead of getting yourself worked up over this. Take a breath and think to yourself do they really know about the lapbanding system that you have embraced yourself upon. Re educate your family. about the system and how it works. maybe they are doing it to annoy you but maybe they dont understand the steps you have to take before you re introduce your self to regular foods again.

Don't worry, if you end up killing your sister, I have four and I'll give you one of mine!!

Try not to let her get to you and enjoy the Holiday with the family.

This is a good place to vent the frustration. I think we all have someone in our lives that is just NOT going to be supportive in a way we need. For me that is a sister in law, that still doesn;t know I had the surgery. I will see her christmas and will have to "spill the beans" then.

Each time I see her I know she will "look me over" and then ask how much weight I've lost. I intend to not see her often for awhile after christmas.

When she eats a dessert, she always has to announce that she worked out an hour and 1/2 so she could indulge in the treat.

I'm sorry your immediate family is not being more supportive. You can find it here, ignore them at home and just get on with your new healthly, slimmer life.

Today, I just told several people ( previous coworkers and my manicure place) that I haven't seen in over a month that I had the surgery 3 weeks ago. They said they could tell I had lost some weight. Not sure if they meant it, but that's ok.

So many people confuse lapband with gastric bypass, so they really have no idea that this process is diffferent from gastric bypass. I try to explain the difference and explain that the weight loss will be slower, so they don't expect me to drop 50 pounds in 2 1/2 months. So hard to keep up with people's ( and sometimes our own) expectations!

Good Luck and try to stay positive.

Well.. Sorry your family isn't being supportive, but..

The band isn't about dieting persay.. I still have the pumpkin pie :guess and hot chocolate (at least once a week) :hungry: and if I liked lemon meringue, I'd have told her sure! :whoo:

If I were you on mushies, I'd most definitely eat the inside of a piece of pumpkin pie.. num num. You don't have to give everything up.. moderation. Don't eat a huge piece, or take home half the pie.. just have a small piece and eat the filling. Enjoy it! It's the holidays.

Oh.. for Thanksgiving, my whole family was doing the 'what can you eat?' game. Everyone kept saying "Well I make xxx, but if you can't eat it..." and I told them all the same answer.. Don't worry about what I can eat. I will find something to eat out of all that food. They'd get a sympathetic look on their face, but on T'day they saw.. I got a small spoon of all kinds of different stuff, and even though I only ate about 1c of food, I was as stuffed and satisfied as they all were!

I know that I can have a little of all those things. But there are other HEALTHY options I can have that would make more sense to eat. I'm not saying I won't have some pumpkin pie, but all she talked about was the fattening stuff. I can't have soda so hot chocolate was her replacement? Tea works well. I can't have prime rib so how about some pie? Au jus mixed with some mashed potatoes would be a better choice I think. Since you can't have the healthy yummy stuff, we'll make more pie options so you can have variety.

It just seems like the healthy idea I'm going for flies right past her. I explained Soup and mashed and pureed and yogurt, and such and she says "oh great, sugary bad for you stuff."

When her daughter was told by the Air Force that she couldn't gain any weight in the next 6 mos or she would have too high of a BMI for basic training, she went and bought all kinds of veggies and looked for low-fat, high-taste, low-carb, high excitement options. She told me about all kinds of great recipies she picked out for HER. She gets it for HER! She talked about replacing high cal Desserts with delish fruit options for HER. For me, candied yams, pie, and hot chocolate.

I'll get over it. I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

I'll not kill her. My skinny me will be all the justification I need.

And despite her, I'll have a Merry Christmas!!!

Steph

Indeed

Just wanted you to realize you don't have to forbid all the desserts. Tell your sis not to worry, you'll be just fine!

When visiting my gparents this weekend out of town, there was a lot of fuss about her chow mein (which I absolutely hate.. one of the nastiest foods IMO). Everyone was all antsy about it.. I brought a can of Chicken & Stars soup to heat up while they ate that. My G'ma went on and on about poor me, do I miss food, etc. I probably could have eaten some chow mein if I wanted, but I absolutely didn't want to and the band was my 'excuse' not to eat it hehe. She kept asking me 'how do you do it?'.. and I realized the band is harder on family than it is on me. They are always stressing about what I can't eat and how that makes me feel. I don't care, I can find something everywhere we go. If all I get is an order of mashed potatos at a restaurant, I am not upset about it.. but everyone else seems to be.<!-- google_ad_section_end -->

You just answered my question halfway down your post. As I read what your sister was saying I was thinking, "Oh she HAS to be overweight because she is trying the sabotage routine." Sure enough! IGNORE them. Do not give them ANY power of you or your feelings. If they try to go down that path just do the old, "Hey, you're either with me or "agin" me...I need positive people around me so if you're gonna talk like that this conversation thread is over. On to something else please!"

And lauraj23 is right....you have to get OVER the diet mentality. This is NOT a diet. This is changing a way of living. There are NO BAD FOODS....just BAD PORTIONS. If you are on mushies and can have some pumpkin pie...by all means do...don't eat the crust because it's too solid now, and smush up the pumpkin filling so it's softer. And then have a few bites! There's nothing wrong with it. The thing is, you won't have it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, in huge amounts, for several days. I have finally realized I CAN tread into these types of foods...but I have to go at it like a "lean person" would handle it.

Congratulations on getting the Lap Band. Good For you, and for your sister???? well just forget her, sounds to me like she is jealous and is trying to sabotage your success. I know it is hard on the families and especially this time of the year, but just reassure them that all will be well and you know best on how to handle your diet "restrictions" at this point. I have to sisters, one is very slim, and the other "normal". They have not said it, well not to my face anyway, but I think that they are used to me being the fat sister, and now as I lose weight I think they are getting a little bit uncomfortable with me being thinner. Maybe not thinner than them at this point, but I sure hope I can be later. I know in their mind they think " I don't want to be the fat sister." Well, we all have challenges and you stick to your guns....(oooops) well not real guns, I wouldn't want to see your name in the news, but you know what I mean. Merry Christmas

.. and I realized the band is harder on family than it is on me. They are always stressing about what I can't eat and how that makes me feel. <!-- google_ad_section_end -->

Laura, I think that sums up what I've been feeling for awhile. It's ridiculous how everyone tries to modify their plans to make us comfortable because of their notions about our bands. It almost makes me feel like I'm being treated like I'm handicapped, or something. It gets old, but I know they mean well (mostly).:tired

"Pumpkin pie pudding": Make SF or FF butterscotch pudding, mix in a can of spiced pumpkin and a tub of SF or FF cool whip. This may not be the exact recipe, but it is GOOD and pretty low cal.

Get some carnation SF hot chocolate packets and when she brings out the hot chocolate and looks at you like poor pitiful you--say, "Oh I brought my own... just need some Water."

And... as a matter of fact I just read another post where someone said their first mushy meal was blended meatloaf, mashed potatoes and gravy. So maybe blended prime rib, mashed potatoes and au jus??? I don't think I'm that brave, but it would be pretty funny to see the look on sis' face when you walked over to the blender and dumped it all in!

Anyway... I suppose you and your sister have at some point been eating buddies?? If that's the case there is probably a part of her regretting your decision for her own selfish reason's. When I was in weight watchers they talked a lot about this issue... people don't like change and when you're the one that is changing they don't know how it will affect their life.

As for why your sister was willing to embrace her daughter while she is hasseling you.... could be a couple issues or a combination of both. Her daughter needed to do this to start on a very specific path to better her life that will quite possibly have a positive affect on your sister. Also, as a mother... you hate seeing your children gain excess weight, and you always wish they would try to be healthy. My son just turned 4 years old and he went through a stage where he was getting chubby. I could feel panic set into my heart when I noticed this and I remember thinking to myself how hard it must have been for my mother to watch me get fatter and fatter and fatter as I was growing up.

Hi Twilight.

If that were my sister, I'd be printing off all the information I'd accured on lap-banding, and handing it to her in a file, as well as some printouts on sabotage! Even gift wrap it in some cute paper... lol - but that's just me - Aren't I nasty!

Here's to a great christmas and I hope it goes okay with your sister.