I watch everyone else around me eat and I now can’t believe how much I ate before! It’s one of the most insane and interesting things I’ve noticed since having GS surgery. I don’t want to offend others, however, I just can’t believe how much we do (gatherings and social activities) involve SO much food! I went to breakfast with my sister, and our and her significant others various family members and I was just like WOW! My sister and her family eat like crazy! I see my little niece 7yrs old, wait for it… 128lbs! Eat all day long! My sister has never been big (gained extra weight from pregnancy, still not a big girl). I am like you have to get my niece’s weight under control now or else she will be on the path to weight loss surgery. The father is bigger and his so is his entire family. They ALL including him have some type of medical issues from being overweight, do not see an issue with this! I was saying it was crazy before I had the surgery!! It’s literally out of control now. They eat out all the time and my sister cooks meals in between. My niece ALWAYS says she’s hungry! Her dad is ALWAYS asking what did you feed my daughter today. Kids at school and in stores have called my niece fat. And she gets really upset about it. She already has horrible asthma. She’s been hospitalized a lot of times. Mind you…These are the same people kept telling me I was a nice size…. However, I was NOT healthy. I don’t want to seem like I am better then everyone else now but it’s crazy and upsetting that my niece whom I was in the hospital room when she was born will have to go through a bunch of you know what over food. The dad is like he doesn’t see a problem and my sister is like she will lose it once she gets taller or more active. I see a whole food addiction, because I had it as an adult not as a child. My family is like why are the doctors not telling them she needs to lose weight. I don’t know what or how to put it to get through to them that this is an issue, because everyone has a right to raise their children their own way. However, it will probably get worse.??‍♀️ idk….

6 hours ago, jdardenhill2 said:

I watch everyone else around me eat and I now can’t believe how much I ate before! It’s one of the most insane and interesting things I’ve noticed since having GS surgery. I don’t want to offend others, however, I just can’t believe how much we do (gatherings and social activities) involve SO much food! I went to Breakfast with my sister, and our and her significant others various family members and I was just like WOW! My sister and her family eat like crazy! I see my little niece 7yrs old, wait for it… 128lbs! Eat all day long! My sister has never been big (gained extra weight from pregnancy, still not a big girl). I am like you have to get my niece’s weight under control now or else she will be on the path to weight loss surgery. The father is bigger and his so is his entire family. They ALL including him have some type of medical issues from being overweight, do not see an issue with this! I was saying it was crazy before I had the surgery!! It’s literally out of control now. They eat out all the time and my sister cooks meals in between. My niece ALWAYS says she’s hungry! Her dad is ALWAYS asking what did you feed my daughter today. Kids at school and in stores have called my niece fat. And she gets really upset about it. She already has horrible asthma. She’s been hospitalized a lot of times. Mind you…These are the same people kept telling me I was a nice size…. However, I was NOT healthy. I don’t want to seem like I am better then everyone else now but it’s crazy and upsetting that my niece whom I was in the hospital room when she was born will have to go through a bunch of you know what over food. The dad is like he doesn’t see a problem and my sister is like she will lose it once she gets taller or more active. I see a whole food addiction, because I had it as an adult not as a child. My family is like why are the doctors not telling them she needs to lose weight. I don’t know what or how to put it to get through to them that this is an issue, because everyone has a right to raise their children their own way. However, it will probably get worse.??‍♀️ idk….

I knew I was eating a lot. That's one reason why I wanted to get the surgery. My hormones were so out of whack that I had to consume mass quantities of food, in order to not feel like I was starving.

Hopefully your sister wakes up and sees what's happening with your niece. But, if she doesn't, thank God we have the surgical solution and she can go that route.

I’m with you on the quantity of food people eat & add the quality of food. It almost makes me feel physically ill. Can’t stand ads, social media posts, movies, tv programs, etc. which show & celebrate the excess. Shudder.

I can understand your concerns for your sister’s family & how you feel torn about what to do. My brother struggles with his weight like I did (do - as we always will) & I watch his children eat seemingly all the time & not always the best choices. The only thing is they are very active. Lots of sport & outdoor play & while they are young & that continues it will help. Though I worry most about the second daughter & son who I feel are very much like my brother & I & their maternal poppa. All I feel I can do is set an example. When they ask why I’m not eating or not eating much I tell them I’m careful about what I eat & how much I eat because I don’t want to put on weight again & I want to be healthy. When they’re with me, the food options are always more nutritious & I subtly restrict the quantities & how regularly they eat. (How about we go outside for a while & then we can have morning/afternoon tea.) It may be all your can do too. The worry is if you say something it may cause dissension & alienation.

Edited November 2, 20223 yr by Arabesque

The way I look at, other than sharing what you went through, there isn't much you can or should do.

My sister and her husband have the opposite problem. My sister who has also never had a weight problem, have children who don't eat at all. They are skin and bones. Literally. One is always sickly. I mentioned it once and she said "They are fine if they aren't hungry, no reason to force it on them." I love her and her kids so much but it simply is not my place. Maybe your niece will slim down naturally since your sister has never been overweight. Maybe my nephews will gain weight. If they do see doctors, then I am sure they mention the weight if it is abnormal. If they don't listen to doctors, there is no way they will listen to us. Criticizing others only puts distance between those we criticize, so it is better to concentrate on ourselves, who we can change. That's my two cents.

food for thought: when u were obese and (i assume) eating larger amounts of food, do u remember how it felt to have people watch or stare at you and look on in amazement as u ate?

can u remember how it felt when you got unsolicited advice about your appearance and mealtime habits?

if it didn't happen or you don't remember, can u imagine? were you sad, angry, annoyed, embarrassed?

...now with that in mind, approach (or don't approach) your sister and enjoy yourself at family gatherings ❤️

This is hard. I also realize now how much I was eating and am sort of disgusted by it, but I really try NOT to project that on other people. First off, I don't know where I will be in another year or two or four. I hope I will continue to use my tool properly, but I may not, and then I am just being judgmental and a hypocrite. Second, to the point @ms.sss made, I didn't like when people commented on my food intake before surgery, so why should I do that to others unless they ask for advice? All those comments do is make people defensive or sad or angry, and often leads to people doubling down on what they are doing, perhaps getting depressed and eating even worse, and often being afraid (when they are ready) to ask for help. Lastly, it's not like I have been the paragon of weight virtue for 40+ years of my life, so I am not exactly well positioned to tell other people what to do just because I've had some success now.

I try to be very honest about my surgery (personally I think it is important to combat the stigma around surgery and obesity) and what it has helped me with, but I try to make it about me, and what changes it made for me, without commenting or directly connecting to their actions.

There are ways to support people positively without saying things outright: making lower calorie/healthier options for family gatherings, engaging them in fun active activities, etc. A bit of leading by example, without saying something directly. I know this is hard - my Greek extended family is obsessed with food! I try to steer them toward not needing to have so much for the holidays (2 desserts instead of 5, for example) or making one of the options something healthier, but you have to be careful to not make people completely tune you out. It's counterproductive.

As far as the kid, there is such a fine line.

You want to teach them how to eat healthy but without giving them a complex or making them feel bad about themselves. Otherwise, you could create an eating disorder on the other side of the spectrum. (Anorexia, etc)

My SIL struggles with weight and when her daughter got chubby, made a big deal and was worried about her dealing with what she had dealt with through her life. But IMO opinion did it in a bad way. She's 16 now, healthy and happy but the risk was there.

The other part (and forgive me if I sound rude) but not your kid not your problem. Just love your niece for who she is and when she is with you, offer up healthier options and do activities to stray away from boredom eating. If she asks you questions in regard to your weigh loss or whatever you can then just explain how you eat and explain healthier choices.

Side note: I never say anything to people but sometimes it makes me sick to see how much people eat. I was one of those people so it even makes me disgusted with myself too. I don't judge (although that sounded horribly judgy) and never comment, some of these people aren't even overweight in the least so eat what you want and live your life. I guess it gives me flash backs or maybe minor PTSD. haha Everyone is allowed to eat what and how they want and they have to deal with the results, regardless of what they are.

22 hours ago, Queen ApisM said:

...it's not like I have been the paragon...

i admit, had to look it up:

par·a·gon

/ˈperəˌɡän/

noun

1. a person or thing regarded as a perfect example of a particular quality.

   "it would have taken a paragon of virtue not to feel viciously jealous"

i've got a new Word of the Day!

now to try to figure out how to slip it into casual conversation later...

?

Edited November 3, 20223 yr by ms.sss