Good morning!

I posted this on obesityhelp this morning. Wanted to share since you guys know me so well!!!

I dont mean to whine but I need some cyberhugs. These last pounds are going so slow and sometimes I feel like I dont have the drive or energy to make it to my final destination. I started with such a high BMI (53.9), and now at (BMI 30.) and there are days that I feel like if I had started 30 or 40 lbs lighter, I would already be at goal. I gave myself 2 years to lose 164-170 pounds. I am mostly there at 19 months out with 5 months left, but I am feeling like I am just not going to make it.

I know that a lot to do with it is because I am being complacent. I am still exercising, but not as much as before. I eat an occasional tortilla chip or two or three! I dont need a fill. I just need a mental adjustment. I feel like I am in purgatory; lost enough weight that I am no longer morbidly obese, but not enough to be at a normal BMI. I have been sitting in the 180's since November and I have only lost 4 pounds in the last two months.

I wonder if some of this is psychological. I have been addressing this with my therapist and I think a lot of it has to do with fear of the new found attention I have been getting. On my most recent business trip, I had 5 people tell me what a beautiful smile I have out of the blue, a few tell me I am beautiful, doors being open and swarms of people giving me attention. Part of me likes it a lot and the other part of me is a little angry because I wonder if any of these folks would have paid the least bit of attention to me when I was morbidly obese. So part of me wonders if I am sabotaging my further progress because of fear of the unknown .

The intellectual side of me knows that I look 100% better, feel great and I am a lot healthier. I did have this surgery for the right reasons cause I wanted to be able to run up a flight of stairs, play and run around with my two children, fit in airplane seats and basically live my life to the fullest. But even with a goal of 170 lbs, I will still be overweight by around 15+ pounds, so I dont think I am being totally unrealistic.

So I guess my question (if I really have one) is what defines success? It seems that lots of old demons are also popping out of the closet as well that were well concealed by the excess weight. Question like what do people see when they look at me and why do they like me and more importantly what do I like about myself keep filling my brain. And am I purposely sabotaging myself? Well, enough ranting for today. My brain hurts from all of the thinking! LOL

Babs in TX

334/186/170

-148

6/23/03

Babs darlin: LOL sounds like I should have my nose in the air and talk through it saying that. LOL Ok let me start by saying who is to say you aren't at goal? Yeah we all set our goals at what we would like to be. But ya know, somewhere along the way our bodies tell us where we should be at. If those last few pounds are giving you this much aggravation then put it aside and be happy and relearn yourself at this current weight. Who knows you might just be happy where you are. I go through this every time I hit a plateau. I think ok is this my goal weight and should I be happy with where I am? Then just when I get to the point of saying Ok I am happy cause I can walk without losing my breath, I can climb stairs and not have a heart attack, fit in that airplane set without an extention, and on and on, I start losing weight again. Go figure!!

We started this process knowing the band was a tool. We started knowing we had "work" to do mentally. I think you should let your current weight sink in enjoy the place you are in. Don't stress over not hitting your goal. So what if you don't hit the mark. Will the world come to an end? NO!! WIll you be any less gorgeous? Heck NO!!

Hope this helps.

Hi Again:

I thought I would post this response from obesityhelp. It is profound and I am convinced this woman should be a psychologist!

"So I guess my question (if I really have one) is what defines success?"

What defines success IMHO is that you are healthy and you are living your life fully. Unless there is anything you are still NOT doing because you think you're "too fat," then I'd say you've arrived.

Babs, might it just be the natural letdown we experience when a longstanding objective is achieved, or nearly achieved? Sort of the "is that all there is" feeling? Let's face it, the reality is that every dream once realized has consequences we didn't foresee (even a great marriage doesn't mean "happily ever after" with no up's and down's ... money truly does not buy happiness ... etc.) Maybe on some level you are "postponing" fully achieving this objective you've set because as long as you are striving to get there, you can postpone the disappointment that NOTHING WILL CHANGE IF YOU WEIGH A FEW LESS POUNDS. Or maybe the objective of a specific weight is arbitrary and not all that significant.

The one idea I can throw at you is this -- would it help if you set a DIFFERENT, significant objective for yourself, one having nothing to do with weight, to give you another challenge to focus on? Maybe something you've always wanted to learn or do (speak a new language, play the piano, get a degree, take up skydiving -- whatever!)

In any case, you are a great success story and inspiration. I would be PROUD to send hugs -- oh heck, toss in some kisses -- to such a star!

Hi Penni,

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I know that I am not at goal. I think I am afraid to get there. Your are right. I need to adjust mentally to this weight and not worry about the numbers on the scale. I am having trouble with the "not being invisible issue". Lots of attention that I am not comfortable with or feel I need to prove my own self worth. I have not been to happy with myself lately. I am not focused and I need another challenge. I have also been looking at the choices I have made so far in my life, why I made them and what the pro and cons are as well as consequences. Its tougher doing the mental work now that I have lost the weight.

Babs in TX

334/186/170

-148

6/23/03

Babs,

You have done a magnificent job. What is 16lbs, compared to 148? You've done the hard work. You're not gaining. There is nothing to say that you won't still lose that last 16, eventually. It's hanging on for dear life because by now, you're body knows you are serious. It's okay to take a breather, maintain awhile and if you still want to pursuit that 16lbs go at it from some other direction at a later date. Who knows, if you forget to check the scale for a week or two, you may go back and find it starting to move without your watching it so closely. Have you moved from walking to running or riding a bike? I know you exercise pretty aggressively already but a possible change up in routine could eek that last little push that you need if attaining this goal weight is really what you seek?

You've mentioned plastics. Maybe that's your answer. I keep looking at my belly apron thinking this is something that just isn't going to go away. I could probably get at least half of what's left on my plate hacked off, but I'm not sure any amount of exercise or dieting will get rid of it. I think these are definitely gifts left to me by the trans fatty acid fairy. lol.

I've said it before on here, but one thing is for sure. I am not getting back the body I gave up at 19. I think that's just a fact of life that I'll have to deal with. My bone structure has changed. My skin has changed. And well, I have changed too. For today, I'm okay with that. At least I'm still alive and that is something to celebrate!

I think you've done a fantastic job with what you've done so far, but I understand wanting to achieve that ultimate goal so whichever way you choose to handle it, I definitely applaud your efforts!

Just wanted to say if you find the answer on how to lose the last extra weight please let me know. I have been at the same weight for at least 4 months. I did lose about 10 lbs in the last 2 weeks, but it was because I was unable to eat or drink and once I got the fill removed from being too tight, I have put on every one of those pounds. I got a fill on Tuesday and I hope that it helps, I got 1 cc and think that I may need more, but I am gonna see how this goes for a while.

I want sooo bad to lose this 20 lbs, but what can I do??? I feel like you, no matter what, the scale won't move................

Congratulations Babs

You have done a great job!

Even some of the skinnist people I know struggle to stay there. 3 girls I know wake up every morning jump on the treadmill, lift weights...they claim they have to watch everything they eat.

I look at my family, my Mom was big, my sisters are big. It's part of my genitics.

The best of luck to get to your goal.

Babs you should be nothing but proud!!!! I think you are a success no matter if you lose those last few pounds or not.Congratulations!!

Babs, ya know what I think? You're already a screaming success. If you want to go further, you can do it, but if you don't, nothing can detract from the winning story that you have to tell right now. I know what you're saying about adjusting your head to where you're at now. Don't hold yourself to a timetable, the date on the calendar doesn't mean that your not going to accomplish your goal. I have a strong hunch that you will cross the finish line in your own time. Congratulations on your impressive progress to date. I admire you!

Babs, first let me say that you already are a success and have beaten the stats: You've lost well over 60% of your excess weight so you've done a lot better than average with the band. I know you want more, but then what? What will you have to do to maintain that lower weight?

I really think the lady from Obesityhelp is on the right track. Losing weight - especially as much as you have - is so exciting. Every day you are getting compliments. And there is always that lower number on the scale to look forward to. Buying new, smaller clothes. It's a source of excitement, fulfillment, happiness. Eventually things calm down and you more or less are where you're going to be. 16 pounds give or take. You reach a state of equilibrium and it's not always what you thought it would be. Maybe you still haven't done all those things that you thought you couldn't do because of your weight. Maybe it really wasn't your weight that was holding you back after all.

I'm trained in psychotherapy (I'm a social worker) and the "Maybe you're afraid to be successful, afraid of the attention, afraid of a smaller body" is kind of a pat thing that psychotherapists say to people like us. It is said so much and so often that I doubt the truth of it. But maybe it is true for you. It sounds like you think it might be.

If I were in your spot (and I very likely will be, but maybe with more pounds between myself and goal) I think I would try to maintain my weight for a while and focus on the head work. By maintaining your weight, you may even help your metabolism by giving yourself a few more calories for a while. Then when you try restricting the calories again, the weight might come off easier. Maybe?

Nancy

Babs,

I agree with everyone here

What is 16 lbs compared to the 148 you have lost.

For us obese people who have battled this all of our lives...you are not gaining and that is a PLUS in my book!!

You and your band have worked well together and you should be so proud..

Sitback and maintain for awhile and then try again down the road a bit. I find when I obsess about no weight loss I do not lose..

You will get to goal!

Babs,

What that message said about lacking a challenge was interesting. I wonder if you could combine a challenge with exercise to help you to goal. Like Penni training for the 5K walk or people who train for marathons and take on big challenges like that. Ten years ago I trained at the gym before a trip that included hiking into and out of the Grand Canyon in one day. I lost about 10 pounds, got very fit (for me), and walked 22 miles in one day -- up and down the canyon.

Hope you find the way to get where you want to be. You have done a fantastic job already.

Babs, you have made an amazing journey! Congratulations!

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for the kind words. I am going to try to set some new goals for myself. I need to exercise more and eat less. I didnt come this far not to get where I want to go. So I will keep trying!

Babs in TX

Dear Babs,

I feel the same way and I haven't been banded yet. Let me explain, I am 5'6'' and 195. This is the biggest I have ever been and do not want to get any bigger. I have noticed that I do not get the attention that I used to...I don't get 2nd looks from men like i used to. I am in a sales position that is highly competitive and I feel like I look--fat and ugly put I put on a mask because I have to sell and act happy and enthusisatic. So I want to have this banding done. I am tired of constant struggle with weight. I do not want to keep journals, food logs calorie counters etc.etc. I just want to have a built in mechanism that says "okay that's enough eating".

Tell me about your experience in Mexico would you do it again? Any suggestions are welcome...thanks tammy

Babs - as a fairly new bandster (4.5 weeks postop) I am watching my RNY sister (she had her surgery 1 day before me) lose weight at twice the rate I am .. and then I see that you have lost 148 pounds!!! .. ... you give me hope that this band thing will work .. not as fast as the RNY, but I can take off the 95lbs I still have to lose.

Congratulations!