Honestly, I thought that loosing weight would immediately boost my self confidence and I would feel more sexy and desirable. However, I don't feel this way. In fact, I think it's hurt me a little bit. I'm working out in the gym to tone up my flabbiness but its going to be a work in progress. Can anyone speak to their experiences? Are there highs and lows, or does my mind just need time to catch up to my body?

I'm very nervous about my body. Had a brief relationship last year and the guy found my skin a major turn off. Pretty soon it was his reason for suddenly ghosting on me... Or at least part.

Just tentatively beginning something new now... We'll see!

I'm sure it will pass over time and as you get more comfortable in your new body. How far post-op are you? I hope I'm not stepping out of bounds by saying so, but you are very pretty, at least from your profile pic. It seems as if despite your negative feelings towards yourself, you are able to see that at least partly... I hope that as time goes on you will be able to see more of that for yourself.

4 minutes ago, Czuck1983 said:

I'm sure it will pass over time and as you get more comfortable in your new body. How far post-op are you? I hope I'm not stepping out of bounds by saying so, but you are very pretty, at least from your profile pic. It seems as if despite your negative feelings towards yourself, you are able to see that at least partly... I hope that as time goes on you will be able to see more of that for yourself.

Thank you, that's very nice to say! I am 9 weeks post op. I feel great about my weight loss! I just don't feel desirable. In my mind there is a difference. I think you are right, as I become more comfortable with my new body, this will change. Thanks again

27 minutes ago, myfanwymoi said:

I'm very nervous about my body. Had a brief relationship last year and the guy found my skin a major turn off. Pretty soon it was his reason for suddenly ghosting on me... Or at least part.

Just tentatively beginning something new now... We'll see!

I hope that this something "new" is something wonderful as well!

I am almost to my goal weight and now i have a whole new set of problems aka loose skin. Def going to need a body lift. So yes i am in the same boat

31 minutes ago, AshAsh1 said:

Thank you, that's very nice to say! I am 9 weeks post op. I feel great about my weight loss! I just don't feel desirable. In my mind there is a difference. I think you are right, as I become more comfortable with my new body, this will change. Thanks again

You are very welcome. Best of luck moving forward, I hope it will be everything that you dream it will.

1 hour ago, AshAsh1 said:

Honestly, I thought that loosing weight would immediately boost my self confidence and I would feel more sexy and desirable. However, I don't feel this way. In fact, I think it's hurt me a little bit. I'm working out in the gym to tone up my flabbiness but its going to be a work in progress. Can anyone speak to their experiences? Are there highs and lows, or does my mind just need time to catch up to my body?

And sorry... Got tangled up in my own skin issues... What I can say is there is great joy in living in a body that moves without pain and looks good in clothes! I love getting dressed these days and I'm sure the joy of getting undressed will also return!!!

1 minute ago, myfanwymoi said:

And sorry... Got tangled up in my own skin issues... What I can say is there is great joy in living in a body that moves without pain and looks good in clothes! I love getting dressed these days and I'm sure the joy of getting undressed will also return!!!

that is some GREAT advice. I'm excited to buy new clothes and feel sexy fully dressed

Is hubs giving you any feedback that you are still a turn-on and sexy woman?

3 minutes ago, FluffyChix said:

Is hubs giving you any feedback that you are still a turn-on and sexy woman?

You know, its been weird. He hasn't complimented me ONE TIME! It kinda hurts my feelings to be honest. Maybe this is why I've felt self conscious lately. Also, we haven't had sex in over 9 weeks now. I had to get on new birth control that would be effective after surgery. My OBGYN says that oral birth control is not as effective after RNY. My insurance policy says that they will pay for the surgery 100% if I withstand from pregnancy for a full 12 months. If pregnancy occurs, they back charge the whole surgery amount ($84k was billed) I have to make sure that this round of birth control is working before we can do the deed. (And for the peanut gallery-- we can't do condoms because of an allergy).

Dang girlie. That makes it very tough and tenuous. Like there's not a linear relation. You know?

I think he lack of verbal reflection may be contributing to how secure you feel? ((hugs))

Don't get PG!!!!

6 minutes ago, FluffyChix said:

Dang girlie. That makes it very tough and tenuous. Like there's not a linear relation. You know?

I think he lack of verbal reflection may be contributing to how secure you feel? ((hugs))

Don't get PG!!!!

Yeah I thought the desire would build and we would be doing "other" things. But I just don't feel sexy. And I think you are right, his opinion means a lot. Maybe i'll mention it to him.

But Ash, you can NOT discount that you've got a whole lot going down right now. Plus being scared of PG, plus being scared of the effects of weight loss. Plus you've got hormones dumping that can decrease or increase libido...you know?

((hugs)) It can't be easy sweetie.

2 hours ago, AshAsh1 said:

Honestly, I thought that loosing weight would immediately boost my self confidence and I would feel more sexy and desirable. However, I don't feel this way. In fact, I think it's hurt me a little bit. I'm working out in the gym to tone up my flabbiness but its going to be a work in progress. Can anyone speak to their experiences? Are there highs and lows, or does my mind just need time to catch up to my body?

5 minutes ago, AshAsh1 said:

Yeah I thought the desire would build and we would be doing "other" things. But I just don't feel sexy. And I think you are right, his opinion means a lot. Maybe i'll mention it to him.

You are young (I'm envious)and beautiful inside and out! Body image is a strange thing in this process. It may take time for your mind to catch up to your weight loss.

Feeling sexy may be on and off until your hormones get used to your birth control. Not sure about you but my marriage sex drive fluxuates. *laughing*

A few threads on WLS and sex drive.

https://www.bariatricpal.com/search/?q=sex drive&type=forums_topic&nodes=3&sortby=relevancy