I chose Mondays as my weigh in day because my surgery was on a Monday and I thought it was a perfect way to keep track. I’ve been really good about just weighing myself on that day. Not that I haven’t given in a couple times here and there, but have been much better about staying off the scale than I ever have been in the past.

Anyway, I stepped on the scale today only to find that I lost less than two pounds this past week. Today marks the completion of one month since surgery. My first month post op and I didn’t even lose 15 pounds. I lost 14.7 which I know is still good, but compared to other stories I read, really sucks. I’m really disappointed and of course all the feelings and fears I had about failing at this too are back even though overall I’ve now lost a total of 40 pounds.

I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to others, that each journey is different, but I really WANTED the big kick off loss. ANYWAY…I just have to keep doing what I’ve been doing and sticking with the post op diet guidelines and have faith that my body will adjust to this new mode and start really losing. I’ve reviewed my food journal that I am keeping religiously and I am falling short on some key things - calories, fluids and protein. I need to get back to basics and do better at hitting those goals. JUST.KEEP.GOING.

I had my first family dinner at the in-law’s house on Saturday. It was awful. I felt like I was some kind of freak show and their choices for food only made it worse. They know the phase of diet that I’m in - currently restricted to pureed foods. What did they have? Raw vegetables with ranch dip, pepperoni and salami slices, hard cheeses and crackers. For dinner, pizza and wings. And of course since someone had a birthday, cake and ice cream. There was not one single thing they had that I could eat. So as not to make a big deal of it, I just chatted with people.

My FIL all of a sudden realized that I wasn’t munching on anything and went bananas, which of course cued my MIL to begin a big production. They had half of a baked potato in the fridge, so offered that to me. I put it in the microwave to heat it so I could smash it up, and when it came out it was so dry that it didn't mash so much as it crumbled. So, my MIL dumps a big spoonful of full fat sour cream on it to “give it moisture” UGH! Everyone makes their way to the table with their pizza and wings and I have my little murdered potato.

One of the nieces looks over and sees I’m not eating pizza and starts laughing and asking me why I’m not eating pizza which gets the attention of all the kids at the table who start giggling and pointing. Nice. Laterm she realizes that I haven’t finished my half of potato. So that became the next chapter of the horror that was this evening.

Finally it was time for cake and ice cream. I really thought I’d be ok with being there and not being able to eat it. I’ve been fine around all kinds of food. THEN, the cake(s) came out and they were my all-time favorite specialty cakes. (I have a deep seated emotional issue with cake - long story) I had the biggest rush of anxiety I’ve felt yet and almost jumped out of my chair to get away. We said our goodbyes and went home.

I know it will be easier when I’m on solid foods because it won’t be QUITE as obvious that I’m not eating in the same way as others. Meanwhile, I have now vowed NOT go out to dinner or to anyone else’s home until I’m at the phase, which is still a month away. I can’t tell you how embarrassing it was to be made to feel like a freak show.

I’m not in a good place today at all. Tomorrow I go back to work and I don’t think it’s going to get any better. I stopped into the office last week to let my co-worker know that I would be back this week and she made some stupid comments about how she expected me to be all skinny and that my clothes should be hanging off of me by now. Is that what people expect? That I had weight loss surgery a month ago so magically all of my extra 100 lbs just fell off? If that’s the case there will be a lot of whispering going on that I’m a failure.

I’m having a day where I really wish I hadn’t even done this. It will pass. I’ve been riding this roller coaster for a month - it just really sucks in the moment. I'm keeping my eye on the prize and reminding myself that even slow progress is progress.

Edited March 12, 20188 yr by jenondaway

2 hours ago, cheryl_gut said:

I am sorry But the murdered potato made me laugh out loud. I have my first family dinner tonight and I think it’s going to be a similar disaster. FIL is making country ribs and steak neither of which I have ever been able to Chew because they are so tough. And I am still on soft foods still.

Good luck!! Stay strong.

2 hours ago, sillykitty said:

Just popping in to say I know what you're feeling. I'm 4 weeks post op today, down only 17 lbs, and gained two in the last week. I also wanted a fast start to the weight loss!

I was at a work event last week where most meals were family style. Definite a lot of comments by my associates on how I was barely eating (none of them know about the surgery). Uncomfortable having that much attention focused on my plate!

We're surgery twins! We share the same surgery day. Sorry you're also sharing some of the same frustrations though.

Having been out of work for the last four weeks, I've already been getting messages from some of my clients that when I'm back we need to go out to lunch, drinks, etc. (They also don't know.) So I'm figuring out my strategy for that.

25 minutes ago, jenondaway said:

We're surgery twins! We share the same surgery day. Sorry you're also sharing some of the same frustrations though.

Having been out of work for the last four weeks, I've already been getting messages from some of my clients that when I'm back we need to go out to lunch, drinks, etc. (They also don't know.) So I'm figuring out my strategy for that.

We are, we even have the same ticker!

So some a few tips on eating with people you whom don't know about the surgery I learned last week. Having only a tiny amount of food on your plate definitely attracts the most attention. Anything shared as well, they will notice you're not eating your share. So have a normal-ish plate of food, take small bites, and move the food around will attract the least attention.

Drinks are hard. In my industry drinking is the norm, and I'm known to like to drink, having a high tolerance. So nursing a watery drink was also commented on. I also think that last week's drinking, which was very little compared to normal hurt my weight loss, despite still having low calories. So I'd suggest avoiding drinking if you can at all. If you can't avoid having a drink, definitely try to go low cal, (I was in Hawaii, Mai Tais were a mistake). I'd probably do vodka soda in the future. If the carbonation bother you, you can stir to get rid of the bubbles.

Anyone who asked why I wasn't eating I just gave some variation of my tummy is acting up, or I've had some stomach issues lately etc. It's easy for people you see occasionally. I had to go into more details with my boss, whom I ate every meal with. I gave him a vague story about GI surgery, and that it's a prolonged recovery.

1 hour ago, sillykitty said:

We are, we even have the same ticker!

So some a few tips on eating with people you whom don't know about the surgery I learned last week. Having only a tiny amount of food on your plate definitely attracts the most attention. Anything shared as well, they will notice you're not eating your share. So have a normal-ish plate of food, take small bites, and move the food around will attract the least attention.

drinks are hard. In my industry drinking is the norm, and I'm known to like to drink, having a high tolerance. So nursing a watery drink was also commented on. I also think that last week's drinking, which was very little compared to normal hurt my weight loss, despite still having low calories. So I'd suggest avoiding drinking if you can at all. If you can't avoid having a drink, definitely try to go low cal, (I was in Hawaii, Mai Tais were a mistake). I'd probably do vodka soda in the future. If the carbonation bother you, you can stir to get rid of the bubbles.

Anyone who asked why I wasn't eating I just gave some variation of my tummy is acting up, or I've had some stomach issues lately etc. It's easy for people you see occasionally. I had to go into more details with my boss, whom I ate every meal with. I gave him a vague story about GI surgery, and that it's a prolonged recovery.

LOL - I hadn't even noticed the ticker. Our numbers are quite similar as well.

Your ideas are solid. Thanks for the pointers. I used to be a pretty hardcore drinker, however back in 2010 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. When that happened, I cut back my drinking a LOT, so cutting it out completely wasn't that difficult. Those closest to me already knew I was quitting for other reasons so that should be easy.

My boss and two closest coworkers know about my surgery so that's not a problem. It will be clients and brokers that will notice, so I like the idea of ordering a normal size meal. Heck, if I do that I'll have leftovers that will serve as multiple meals for me over the next couple days anyway. LOL

Keep in touch!!