Telling friends


10 posts in this topic

Hi all, I am wondering how people told friends they were thinking of getting WLS. I decided to tell my two best friends who happen to be a couple. They weren’t supportive like I thought they were going to be. They kept telling me that with the gastric bypass people only lose 10kgs which I know is not true. But no matter how much information I told them about it, all they did was turn it around into a negative. They told me that they would always support me even though they think that me getting this surgery is wrong. I don’t know what to feel right now, part of me doesn’t want to involve them at all but another part of me wants to have friends that will be there and support me through this whole thing. Did anyone else have any issues telling friends, how did you handle this? I don’t want to hide my surgery from them, especially since they know that I was looking into it. They would be suspicious. But I also don’t want their negative opinions. Sorry for the rant.

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Only my Mother knows. Not to sound like a prick but I have alot of friends and know a ton of people. I just don't think it's anybody's business. I'll cross that path when it comes when I start to get close to somebody again. I don't know I feel like people will hold it against me. Cause I'm about to look totally different I'm already on a good path my SW=280 CW=240 . I got surgery Thursday. GW=180. What are your thoughts And situation ?

Sent from my SM-G935T using BariatricPal mobile app

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Only my Mother knows. Not to sound like a prick but I have alot of friends and know a ton of people. I just don't think it's anybody's business. I'll cross that path when it comes when I start to get close to somebody again. I don't know I feel like people will hold it against me. Cause I'm about to look totally different I'm already on a good path my SW=280 CW=240 . I got surgery Thursday. GW=180. What are your thoughts And situation ?

Sent from my SM-G935T using BariatricPal mobile app



Thanks for your reply. You are right, it isn’t anyone else business. I guess I’m so used to wanted to please everybody else but I’m doing this for me and I shouldn’t worry about what other people think. I suppose I’ll prove them wrong when I lose over 10kgs haha. Congrats on the surgery. Hope your recovery goes really well


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This is a really difficult topic, and something I struggled with three years ago this month when I was 90 days away from RNY.

The simple truth is that you'll need to tell everyone eventually. It will be obvious when you start losing weight that something is causing it, and since rapid weight loss can be caused by cancer and other serious health problems, it's better if everyone understands that it's a *good* thing when they see it happening.

The key is *how* you do this, not *whether* you do it.

You don't have to shout it from the mountaintop to all and sundry, and you don't have to bare your soul to neighbors and acquaintances that ask how you've done it. Even three years later, while I'm pretty open about everything I've done (I've been on the evening news, for goodness' sake), I still consider the source of the inquiry when deciding how much to share.

The most important element to successfully navigating these conversations is how you approach them. You've made your decision. You've done the research. You've read all the horror stories and wonder stories and come down somewhere in the middle. You've worked with a competent medical team over the course of many months to arrive at this place. Believe in your process, be confident in that decision, and communicate that confidence to those who love you.

My parents were completely blindsided by my decision. My weight was NOT something I was willing to discuss with them, ever. And I could tell my mother was dying to undermine and question me. But I communicated my decision and my reasons and made it clear she was being informed - not consulted - and the moment passed. I would have loved to have more people on my side beforehand, and to be able to communicate my concerns, fears, apprehensions, and take comfort from my loved ones... but I knew it would be counterproductive to ask her to be that person. I relied on this group and my local support group to get me through my own fears, and let everyone else in after the fact.

Hope this helps.

njgal likes this 1 Like this

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I told one friend. Her reaction was more along the lines of “oh, ok” than anything else. I was ready to Celebrate together or fight... but not for “I see”... kinda left me hanging :)


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I have told three friends. All have been supportive, and that means a lot to me. The first actually came to my orientation seminar and surgeon consult with me. I really appreciated her because she was clear that she was supportive of me but was also not a rah-rah cheerleader -- she had some healthy skepticism. I trusted her as we spoke after each appointment, and while I ultimately make my own decisions, it was good to have a trusted person to talk to.

The second friend I told I was concerned about but wanted to make sure to talk with her about it. I was concerned because I was worried my making this decision would put pressure on her, as she is a very large person struggling with her weight and mental health, and we had previously discussed not wanting to have surgery. She has also been supportive, but I do think she feels pressure and worries that our paths will diverge. My third friend was mildly surprised but has also been supportive -- we've talked less about it, but I'm glad she knows because this is a very important part of my life right now,

In general, I am likely to be fairly open with people I trust and feel no shame about having surgery. I am concerned about dealing with people at work and others prone to making comments about peoples' bodies -- I wish I could do this invisibly so as not to raise their attention.

I think ultimately it can be very helpful to share but only with people you trust.

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Thank you for all your help this has definitely given me a lot to think about. Ultimately my body, my decision. I guess all I can do is inform the ones I love and trust and whether they agree or support the decision is up to them. I’m doing this for my health and happiness

njgal likes this 1 Like this

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I actually had the surgery to deal with uncontrolled GERD, Many people don’t know this but really bad GERD can lead to cancer, my dr told me, have the surgery now, don’t get cancer, or wait and you will get cancer. So this was not a hard decision, however I am over weight, so hey, no cancer AND I will lose weight. It honestly never occurred to me anyone would thing weight loss surgery was a bad thing. I was blindsided by people’s comments online towards patients. Like, what the hell business is it our yours if someone wants to use this really effective tool to lose weight. If you needed pills for high blood pressure, would you say “oh, she is taking the easy way”? So I have decided to tell my immediate family and one close friend. In the end this is up to you. Your friends will either join you, or show their true colors.


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I haven't really told to many people what type of surgery I m getting. So they don't know. I said it's mostly to do with my GERD. I ll tell people when I m ready. But I don't think it's anyone's business. You have to do what's best for you. I think your doing right thing for you. Good for you and I hope everything goes well for you.


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I have chosen only a few people to tell. I am telling just close family and friends. My mom, dad, and spouse of course. And the I picked about three VERY close friends to tell. Luckily everyone has been supportive. I am not telling anyone else though. I am a pretty private person.

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