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Dating is hard



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It seems in the past two years that I have gone out with about 6 guys. All of them seem a little weird out that I do not eat that much in front of them. I hate to order a big meal, so I don't. And of course, I do not drink another thing they seem to think is weird. Does anyone else have this problem? I usually get through one date and never asked out again. :/

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You are so correct. That to me is a sign of a very shallow person. This surgery is a difficult adventure as it is without negative people like that. I usually don't even get to telling them about my surgery because I have to tell them that I am also disabled. I an sorry this is happening to you. You are an extremely beautiful woman inside and out. I hope things change for the better. It will. I'm sure.

john

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Are these first dates? When I was dating I NEVER did a meal for a first date. Dating 101... no more than a coffee date for a first date. If you aren't clicking the last thing you want to do is be stuck for an hour or more with the person. Activity dates are good as well, but I'd reserve for second dates. Don't think my husband and I went out for a meal until date 3 or 4 and he was too into me and the conversation to notice what I was or wasn't eating

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Weirdly, I'm experiencing something similar even though I'm married - basically realizing how much of our conversations and activities have revolved around food! However, when I go out with friends it's often coffee (herbal tea for me at this point since I'm on the pre-op liquid diet), or a walk, or the beach - again, because the conversation is the important part. I agree with the above, try a non-food based activity at first. Best wishes to you!

Sent from my Nexus 5X using BariatricPal mobile app

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3 minutes ago, RedOrangeSunrise said:

Weirdly, I'm experiencing something similar even though I'm married - basically realizing how much of our conversations and activities have revolved around food! However, when I go out with friends it's often coffee (herbal tea for me at this point since I'm on the pre-op liquid diet), or a walk, or the beach - again, because the conversation is the important part. I agree with the above, try a non-food based activity at first. Best wishes to you!

Sent from my Nexus 5X using BariatricPal mobile app

Hey...we had the same starting stats!

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Well I date a lot in spurts.

I think that men who comment on how much eat on a date are rude, not worth seeing again and also probably cheap, really not worth seeing again. I dated this guy that insisted I get a box, even though I didn't want one and wasn't going to eat the food later. If I get a box for my food I always toss it in the dumpster before I walk in my Apt anyway.

I don't do first date coffee dates. It is a complete waste of my time. Guys that ask me on Coffee dates I just block. I like first dates to be fun activities, something creative. I feel like men that aren't willing to take the time to try and impress me aren't worth my time.

I'm 2 years out and I can eat enough no on ever comments on me not eating a lot. I think also because of the kind of men I date, they are used to women not eating a lot (most of them have thin ex-wives).

Even at one year I could eat enough or make it look like I was eating enough that no one cared.

If it is a nice restaurant (not a corporate chain) , the courses arrived spaced out enough that you have time to eat properly like a civilized human.

  • Order seafood, it is moist and almost a slider, you can eat most of it.
  • dinner salad, they only give you 2 to 3 ounces of Protein and salad greens are basically a slider, easy to eat it all.
  • Steak can be tricky, but if you order filet mignon, with veggies you can eat all or most of a 4 ounce filet and have a few dainty bites of veggies.

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2 hours ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

Well I date a lot in spurts.

I think that men who comment on how much eat on a date are rude, not worth seeing again and also probably cheap, really not worth seeing again. I dated this guy that insisted I get a box, even though I didn't want one and wasn't going to eat the food later. If I get a box for my food I always toss it in the dumpster before I walk in my Apt anyway.

I don't do first date coffee dates. It is a complete waste of my time. Guys that ask me on coffee dates I just block. I like first dates to be fun activities, something creative. I feel like men that aren't willing to take the time to try and impress me aren't worth my time.

I'm 2 years out and I can eat enough no on ever comments on me not eating a lot. I think also because of the kind of men I date, they are used to women not eating a lot (most of them have thin ex-wives).

Even at one year I could eat enough or make it look like I was eating enough that no one cared.

If it is a nice restaurant (not a corporate chain) , the courses arrived spaced out enough that you have time to eat properly like a civilized human.

  • Order seafood, it is moist and almost a slider, you can eat most of it.
  • dinner salad, they only give you 2 to 3 ounces of Protein and salad greens are basically a slider, easy to eat it all.
  • Steak can be tricky, but if you order filet mignon, with veggies you can eat all or most of a 4 ounce filet and have a few dainty bites of veggies.

Curious on how that has been working for you? I found that 100%of the times a guy was trying to impress me he was a player. The more charming or on point...the bigger the player. I was looking for relationship not hookup so I actually eliminated guys like that off the hop. I was looking for a guy who was just being himself. I wanted a guy who was not too smooth etc because I wanted real. I was lucky...found it in my hubby.

After 2 painful meals early on. One that I walked out on it was so bad...meals were a definite no. Too long and hard to end without being rude. quick coffee or wine dates are easy to end. I met my hubby for a drink after work....you can extend those if you want to but is an easy out if you want to.

I used first dates simply as a screening tool to determine if I wanted a "real" date.

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Well, I'm pretty smooth and charming so I want someone that is like me. B) I dress to impress and I want someone that matches and is comfortable with my lifestyle.

I don't think it is worth getting dressed, doing my hair and makeup for a coffee date. I know a lot of people don't share this perspective which is exactly why I adopted it. It weeds out a lot of men that are a waste of my time.

I used to do coffee dates like 2 years ago. I found that the kind of men that asked me out for coffee were not the kind of man that interested me, so I stopped doing it.

Guys that are introverts are going to ask you to coffee, they want to avoid crowded situations. These are exactly the men I want to avoid like the plague. I have negative interest in dating an introvert, being friends with one, or just associating with them in general. I am an extrovert and I like to be surrounded by other extroverts. I find introverts to just be energy vampires.

The coffee date guys are also just mass dating. They are doing coffee dates because it is a cheap way to check someone out without much time or money investment. Those guys are the real players. They ask you to coffee so they can verify how pretty you are or not, and then they ask you out on a real date if you pass the coffee date test. They ask you to coffee, then try to push it into dinner and invite you back to their place. Rolling 3 dates into one night with the goal of taking you to pound town.

A busy professional male with a worthwhile career doesn't have time for coffee dates if he is really looking for something real. Guys that are players are trying to date the most amount of women for the least cost and time investment. They are not buying concert tickets or taking you to MLB games.

I used to be a hiring manager in IT. I can gauge if I am going to click with someone in a few text messages. I am a good judge of character for the most part. After that I want to see how you act in public and what your mannerisms are like in a few situations. I like being out and about and doing lots of activity and things, always have. I want to avoid homebodies and the quiet evenings at home guys like the plague.

Since I refined my dating requirements, I am going on higher quality dates with higher quality men. Basically getting exactly what I want from dating.

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19 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

Well, I'm pretty smooth and charming so I want someone that is like me. B) I dress to impress and I want someone that matches and is comfortable with my lifestyle.

I don't think it is worth getting dressed, doing my hair and makeup for a coffee date. I know a lot of people don't share this perspective which is exactly why I adopted it. It weeds out a lot of men that are a waste of my time.

I used to do coffee dates like 2 years ago. I found that the kind of men that asked me out for coffee were not the kind of man that interested me, so I stopped doing it.

Guys that are introverts are going to ask you to coffee, they want to avoid crowded situations. These are exactly the men I want to avoid like the plague. I have negative interest in dating an introvert, being friends with one, or just associating with them in general. I am an extrovert and I like to be surrounded by other extroverts. I find introverts to just be energy vampires.

The coffee date guys are also just mass dating. They are doing coffee dates because it is a cheap way to check someone out without much time or money investment. Those guys are the real players. They ask you to coffee so they can verify how pretty you are or not, and then they ask you out on a real date if you pass the coffee date test. They ask you to coffee, then try to push it into dinner and invite you back to their place. Rolling 3 dates into one night with the goal of taking you to pound town.

A busy professional male with a worthwhile career doesn't have time for coffee dates if he is really looking for something real. Guys that are players are trying to date the most amount of women for the least cost and time investment. They are not buying concert tickets or taking you to MLB games.

I used to be a hiring manager in IT. I can gauge if I am going to click with someone in a few text messages. I am a good judge of character for the most part. After that I want to see how you act in public and what your mannerisms are like in a few situations. I like being out and about and doing lots of activity and things, always have. I want to avoid homebodies and the quiet evenings at home guys like the plague.

Since I refined my dating requirements, I am going on higher quality dates with higher quality men. Basically getting exactly what I want from dating.

I definitely like your style which is classy and elegant. I'm 48 and I understand exactly where you are coming from. Women don't take time to find out what a man is like before hitting the sheets. Women are more careful to pick out a dress, shoes and a purse then looking for a man to date. You have to weed out the bad apples before getting to the good ones. If i start dating again I am going follow your rules.😎

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13 hours ago, jlindenman said:

You are so correct. That to me is a sign of a very shallow person. This surgery is a difficult adventure as it is without negative people like that. I usually don't even get to telling them about my surgery because I have to tell them that I am also disabled. I an sorry this is happening to you. You are an extremely beautiful woman inside and out. I hope things change for the better. It will. I'm sure.

john

thank you John, I usually chose mexican, cause I can order one taco and it hard for me to finish that off. I hate orderer a lot of food and not eat it. What can I say, I am a cheap date...lol

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4 hours ago, Travelher said:

Are these first dates? When I was dating I NEVER did a meal for a first date. Dating 101... no more than a coffee date for a first date. If you aren't clicking the last thing you want to do is be stuck for an hour or more with the person. Activity dates are good as well, but I'd reserve for second dates. Don't think my husband and I went out for a meal until date 3 or 4 and he was too into me and the conversation to notice what I was or wasn't eating

Yes first dates. never make it to a second one...lol. I like to see if there is any connection before going to more of a activity date. Why put yourself with someone you are going to feel uncomfortable with all day long...maybe its me, been out of the dating seen for a very long time.

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@Asil61

Do you like seafood?

Mexican is a bad choice for a variety of reasons, mainly beacuse it is something that people volume eat. Most plates come with 3 to 4 tacos, so eating one stands out.

If you have to get Mexican, why not get Fajitas or Quesadilla? You say you low carb, lots of people low carb now, and just eat the meat and veggies. I do this a lot especially if I go to a sports bar or something and there are limited options on the menu. Just eating the filling from a Quesadilla is not that filling and if you say you low carb before hand, you don't raise eyebrows.

Edited by OutsideMatchInside

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1 hour ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

Well, I'm pretty smooth and charming so I want someone that is like me. B) I dress to impress and I want someone that matches and is comfortable with my lifestyle.

I don't think it is worth getting dressed, doing my hair and makeup for a coffee date. I know a lot of people don't share this perspective which is exactly why I adopted it. It weeds out a lot of men that are a waste of my time.

I used to do coffee dates like 2 years ago. I found that the kind of men that asked me out for coffee were not the kind of man that interested me, so I stopped doing it.

Guys that are introverts are going to ask you to coffee, they want to avoid crowded situations. These are exactly the men I want to avoid like the plague. I have negative interest in dating an introvert, being friends with one, or just associating with them in general. I am an extrovert and I like to be surrounded by other extroverts. I find introverts to just be energy vampires.

The coffee date guys are also just mass dating. They are doing coffee dates because it is a cheap way to check someone out without much time or money investment. Those guys are the real players. They ask you to coffee so they can verify how pretty you are or not, and then they ask you out on a real date if you pass the coffee date test. They ask you to coffee, then try to push it into dinner and invite you back to their place. Rolling 3 dates into one night with the goal of taking you to pound town.

A busy professional male with a worthwhile career doesn't have time for coffee dates if he is really looking for something real. Guys that are players are trying to date the most amount of women for the least cost and time investment. They are not buying concert tickets or taking you to MLB games.

I used to be a hiring manager in IT. I can gauge if I am going to click with someone in a few text messages. I am a good judge of character for the most part. After that I want to see how you act in public and what your mannerisms are like in a few situations. I like being out and about and doing lots of activity and things, always have. I want to avoid homebodies and the quiet evenings at home guys like the plague.

Since I refined my dating requirements, I am going on higher quality dates with higher quality men. Basically getting exactly what I want from dating.

Now it makes sense! If you don't like introverts you would be better to date the flashier guys.

i found the text thing to be hit or miss. Definitely dated some that were funny or charming over text and totally different in person.

Hmm. Maybe I was the player by your definition ;) though none of my coffee dates ended in pound town...if a guy tried to pull that, he was out too.

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36 minutes ago, Asil61 said:

Yes first dates. never make it to a second one...lol. I like to see if there is any connection before going to more of a activity date. Why put yourself with someone you are going to feel uncomfortable with all day long...maybe its me, been out of the dating seen for a very long time.

Same here. That's why activity dates were reserved for second or more dates. I'm with you on that..it is very awkward to have to sit though a date that is going nowhere. That is why I kept them coffee or after work drinks. Easy out to say i have to get back to work for a meeting or have dinner plans gotta go!

You just need to keep at it. You will find someone you mutually click with. I find it is a bit of a numbers thing. It isn't you. Dating is hard. But you'll get into the swing. I ended up blogging about it. At the end of the day you wanted it to be a total disaster (great story) or preferably great (because that's why you are doing it).

Edited by Travelher

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That's a great attitude you have. I have on my experience that if you ask a woman to a ball game or a nice place for dinner they give you the slow down tiger bullshit. I am to do g that every woman is different and if you try to be respectful and not too fast and you invite to meet for coffee you are labeled like you just did. Its impossible to figure out the right way to start. I personally don't like when a woman says slow down tiger when all I'm tryi g to do is get to know her. Then sometimes I spend a good amount meet I g someone for dinner and they decide they don't want to see me again for whatever reason and cannot even be decent enough to tell me. They just ignore my messages, then I feel I just wasted $150 or whatever it cost. Might not be an issue for you, but I don't want to waste my money on someone who doesn't have a clue what they want. Can't win no matter what we do. I don't think asking a woman out to an event or a nice dinner is moving too fast and I'm not just trying to get in her pants. I want to know as much as I can about her and you cannot get that from email or texts.

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