Hey guys,

Are you up for a little debate? ok, here it goes....I'm a Christian, proud and happy to be one, I love God/ Christ and I humble myself to Him because I want to and I like it, I enjoy that humbling experience... and I do have other reasons to believe........

Of course, I know that not everyone agrees with me but I respect everyone's opinions, yes.... even if we can't agree, LOL!

I normally don't listen to celebrities talking about religion or politics, in my opinion, they show ignorance most of the times, specially when they talk about politics.... but an article popped up in MSN about Brad Pitt and I do admire his humanitarian work, so I read it , and I thought it was interesting what Brad Pitt said about his view/feelings on religion.... I personaly agree that religion in general is good....no matter what yours is... what do you think?

The following is the article:

"Religion works, Brad goes on. I know there's comfort there, a crash pad. It's something to explain the world and tell you there is something bigger than you, and it is going to be all right in the end. It works because it's comforting. I grew up believing in it, and it worked for me in whatever my little personal high school crisis was, but it didn't last for me. I didn't understand this idea of a God who says, 'You have to acknowledge me. You have to say that I'm the best, and then I'll give you eternal happiness. If you won't, then you don't get it!' It seemed to be about ego. I can't see God operating from ego, so it made no sense to me."

Thanks for reading guys, later.....

Helen;)

I'm sure there'll be more flaming as soon as all the cast members join in. :guess :biggrin1:

Bedtime for me.

Spanking for DerickM.

And for your reading enjoyment. http://www.slangsite.com/

Bedtime for me.

Spanking for DerickM.

And for your reading enjoyment. http://www.slangsite.com/

Slang is.... Well, weird is the best word I can come up with.

What a heart-warming story! Made me feel all warm and nostalgic inside. Sounds like you had a wonderful childhood and a great relationship with your Dad. You must miss him terribly. I'm sorry you don't have him but it sounds like he left you some beautiful memories. Thanks for sharing this......

Thank you. Yes, we were quite close before he died.

People don't understand why I don't post my fat picture. Even if I could I don't think I would. The only "before" photo I have is with my Dad the day before he died. He looked pretty bad (colon cancer) and I wasn't a happy camper either. My sis insisted on the photo. I really wanted to give her the finger but the timing... just wasn't right.

I don't think I could miss him more than I do.

That's beautiful! Our Santa gifts were never wrapped like the other presents. My dad always took care of it, and even with SIX girls in the family we always knew instinctively which one was ours. We set out the Cookies and milk on Christmas Eve, and we weren't allowed to come downstairs on Christmas morning until we were called. Generally a few of us were waiting at the top of the stairs.....

Until I was 14 and saw one in real life ..... I believed my dad could catch roadrunners. I was 14 when I saw one in real life in his home town of Black Jack.

I woke up on football Sundays to hear my dad on the phone with Tom Landry, giving him the plays for the upcoming game. When we watched the game, he would be exasperated when the Cowboys punted, saying "Tom, I told you to use the.....whatever.... play!" It was a very long time before I realized that it was all for me.

And even more amazing, when my dad was in the hospital about to undergo the Whipple procedure for pancreatic cancer, both Tom Landry and Roger Staubach called to talk to him. And Tom was calling from a Dallas hospital across town, where his pregnant daughter was giving birth (while suffering from liver cancer. She refused cancer treatment until the baby was born, and died 4 years later).

I believe in miracles.

HA! Your roadrunner story reminds me of my Dad and sis. My sis never was super bright, sweet but not really bright. You know how automatic windshield wipers work? My Dad convinced my sis that he made them move with his mind. He would "think" wipe and they would move. OMG, she was 14!

About 15 years ago I went to ground school and passed my FAA exam for my private pilot license. I called my Dad daily to help me study for the test. (From Phoenix to Iowa) He was an aeronautical engineer. For weeks he tried to explain to me how it is impossible for a bumble bee to fly, it's absolutely impossible yet an airplane can stay in the air. (The bumble bee story is something usually only an engineer would understand) Anyway, I passed my test with an 88%. It only took 70 to pass. I was thrilled, I never did understand a lot of that stuff about engines and maps so I just memorized it instead. When I called him to tell him I passed the test he called all his friends and told them. Of course, most of his friends were pilots as he was. I was in my 30s and he was calling his friends about passing my FAA test! He was that proud.

I'm the rare atheist that does believe in an afterlife. No God running the show but certainly an afterlife. I do believe he's been around before. It's nice to believe it anyway.

Would you like some sisters? I have plenty to share. We always had friends growing up - right in our own house.

And sorry about your relationship with your brother......

Hey Lauren, you can have one of my sisters!

Of course it's the one that tells everyone I'm dying of WLS. But you can still have her!

Hey Lauren, you can have one of my sisters!

Of course it's the one that tells everyone I'm dying of WLS. But you can still have her!

From what you've told us about her, I don't think I'd want her. She'd be telling people that I was about to expire. :tired

Thank you. Yes, we were quite close before he died.

People don't understand why I don't post my fat picture. Even if I could I don't think I would. The only "before" photo I have is with my Dad the day before he died. He looked pretty bad (colon cancer) and I wasn't a happy camper either. My sis insisted on the photo. I really wanted to give her the finger but the timing... just wasn't right.

I don't think I could miss him more than I do.

Hopefully, you are glad now that you have this picture...although it must be tough to look at it. Do you have others of you and your Dad or is this the only one? It is amazing how much our relationships with our Dads can affect us, huh? For a different perspective, my relationship with my Dad was at times tender and at other times brutal as I was growing up. But about 15 years ago he seemed to lose his brutal side and became "My Daddy" and my hero. I loved being with him and we got very close. But 2 years ago he changed dramatically (doctors can't find any reason, so I am assuming he has dementia) and now, at 90, he has become a terrible and vindictive person. I am trying so hard to hold on to the good memories but he is destroying his relationships and our family closeness with his nasty side. He has lung cancer and we are all trying to reach the "good" Dad before he dies, but I think he has gone for good. It may sound terrible, but sometimes I wish he had died a few years ago so that I could miss him in the way you do. Now I am afraid I will only feel relief.

From what you've told us about her, I don't think I'd want her. She'd be telling people that I was about to expire. :tired

Damn! Well, I tried.

Hopefully, you are glad now that you have this picture...although it must be tough to look at it. Do you have others of you and your Dad or is this the only one? It is amazing how much our relationships with our Dads can affect us, huh? For a different perspective, my relationship with my Dad was at times tender and at other times brutal as I was growing up. But about 15 years ago he seemed to lose his brutal side and became "My Daddy" and my hero. I loved being with him and we got very close. But 2 years ago he changed dramatically (doctors can't find any reason, so I am assuming he has dementia) and now, at 90, he has become a terrible and vindictive person. I am trying so hard to hold on to the good memories but he is destroying his relationships and our family closeness with his nasty side. He has lung cancer and we are all trying to reach the "good" Dad before he dies, but I think he has gone for good. It may sound terrible, but sometimes I wish he had died a few years ago so that I could miss him in the way you do. Now I am afraid I will only feel relief.

My parents were both alcoholics. My Mom died from alcoholism and my Dad was sober for 20 years before he died of cancer. So growing up was a little creepy at times but after I became an adult I moved out of state. My Mom and I never did grow close again but my Dad and I became very close. I was such a daddy's girl.

I know what you mean about your Dad. I wish I hadn't known the creepy side of my Mom but I am glad I got to experience my Dad for the first time as an adult. Without alcohol he was pretty damn cool.

Not sure if you want to hear this or not, not sure of the appropriateness of writing it but I'll throw it out there.

Just my experience but 9 times out of 10 when someone is nearing the end of their life you kinda get the old person back. The better personality. Manage the pain and you might just get to see the "old" Dad once again. I've had so many patients that were demented, dying, in pain... they were difficult at best to care for. But I knew when the end was coming because suddenly they are aware of what is going on and their dementia goes away temporarily and you get to say what you have to say.

It might happen.

BTW, I haven't looked at that photo since the day it was mailed to me after my Dad died. I really don't want to see it again.

I do have photos of us but they aren't my fat photos. That's good, I guess.

Hopefully, you are glad now that you have this picture...although it must be tough to look at it. Do you have others of you and your Dad or is this the only one? It is amazing how much our relationships with our Dads can affect us, huh? For a different perspective, my relationship with my Dad was at times tender and at other times brutal as I was growing up. But about 15 years ago he seemed to lose his brutal side and became "My Daddy" and my hero. I loved being with him and we got very close. But 2 years ago he changed dramatically (doctors can't find any reason, so I am assuming he has dementia) and now, at 90, he has become a terrible and vindictive person. I am trying so hard to hold on to the good memories but he is destroying his relationships and our family closeness with his nasty side. He has lung cancer and we are all trying to reach the "good" Dad before he dies, but I think he has gone for good. It may sound terrible, but sometimes I wish he had died a few years ago so that I could miss him in the way you do. Now I am afraid I will only feel relief.

That's what I'm worried about with my dad, too. He isn't sick right now, but I wouldn't be at all surprised if he eventually has Alzheimer's. Both his parents had it before they died (his dad was SEVERE), and his older sister (by only a couple of years) was recently diagnosed with it and is going downhill very quickly. We aren't that close, but that is what I am really, REALLY dreading, with both him and my mom. My mom is the one that I am extremely close to. Her mom was utterly senile (don't know whether it was Alzheimer's or not) when she died at 74, and my mom's already 62. I am really dreading the fact that, most likely, both of my parents won't recognize me when they die.

Wasa: Thank you for that information. My Dad was only just recently diagnosed with lung cancer and has refused any more tests and treatment, so I don't know how advanced it is at this point. So far he doesn't seem to have much pain, just exhausted all the time. Your suggestion that he might become the "good" dad again at the end of his life brings me hope. I want so much to end this chapter with love in my heart instead of frustration and the anger he constantly provokes in us all. I appreciate you telling me this. By-the-way, my Mom was an alcoholic, also, since she was 17. She finally quit drinking at about age 70. Her drunken brutality impacted my life in ways I only recently have come to terms with. On the plus side, she has now become, at age 82, the wonderful Mom I could have used growing up, but at least get to experience now. So I understand somewhat the pain you feel regarding your mother.

Laurend: I work with elderly people and their families and I know the devastation of Alzheimer's. I don't blame you for fearing it; it is a dreadful disease. But I know that there are breakthroughs now in medications and treatments. Hopefully there will be even better help available if/when you need it for your parents, so hold on to that. I have several patients who are being helped tremendously by these new drugs, so there is hope!

Wasa: Thank you for that information. My Dad was only just recently diagnosed with lung cancer and has refused any more tests and treatment, so I don't know how advanced it is at this point. So far he doesn't seem to have much pain, just exhausted all the time. Your suggestion that he might become the "good" dad again at the end of his life brings me hope. I want so much to end this chapter with love in my heart instead of frustration and the anger he constantly provokes in us all. I appreciate you telling me this. By-the-way, my Mom was an alcoholic, also, since she was 17. She finally quit drinking at about age 70. Her drunken brutality impacted my life in ways I only recently have come to terms with. On the plus side, she has now become, at age 82, the wonderful Mom I could have used growing up, but at least get to experience now. So I understand somewhat the pain you feel regarding your mother.

I don't really blame your Dad for refusing treatments for lung cancer. Many times the treatment is much harder than the cancer and it can sometimes speed the death process. The final days are not very fun on chemo.

As for the ways your Mom treated you growing up... I have this theory. If I had a chance to change things and not have been raised by alcoholics, I still wouldn't change a thing. It wasn't easy but I learned a great deal from it. I have skills and abilities I wouldn't have had I not been raised exactly as I was. My sisters whine and complain and blame every issues within their personalities on the way we were raised. I guess I just see things differently. It gave me a great deal and I learned from it.

Question... what in the world made her quit drinking at 70? That's a long time to be drinking and suddenly quit.

I'm sorry about your Dad. Treasure even the frustrating times. If I could have my Dad back in ANY way, with any personality, with any issues... I'd do it in a heartbeat. Just get him to tell you stories that he remembers about when he was growing up. Or have him remember the times that were fun and tell about it. Just be honest, tell him that with his cancer nobody knows what kind of time he has left and you want the stories. People LOVE to talk about themselves. They love to tell stories, they love to talk about funny things they remember. If he is still grumpy and grouchy talk to him like his little girl and explain to him what you have told us here.

Just be honest with him. Try it, tell him you are going to miss him *so* much and you really need some Dad/Daughter time. What do you have to lose?

I don't really blame your Dad for refusing treatments for lung cancer. Many times the treatment is much harder than the cancer and it can sometimes speed the death process. The final days are not very fun on chemo.

As for the ways your Mom treated you growing up... I have this theory. If I had a chance to change things and not have been raised by alcoholics, I still wouldn't change a thing. It wasn't easy but I learned a great deal from it. I have skills and abilities I wouldn't have had I not been raised exactly as I was. My sisters whine and complain and blame every issues within their personalities on the way we were raised. I guess I just see things differently. It gave me a great deal and I learned from it.

Question... what in the world made her quit drinking at 70? That's a long time to be drinking and suddenly quit.

I'm sorry about your Dad. Treasure even the frustrating times. If I could have my Dad back in ANY way, with any personality, with any issues... I'd do it in a heartbeat. Just get him to tell you stories that he remembers about when he was growing up. Or have him remember the times that were fun and tell about it. Just be honest, tell him that with his cancer nobody knows what kind of time he has left and you want the stories. People LOVE to talk about themselves. They love to tell stories, they love to talk about funny things they remember. If he is still grumpy and grouchy talk to him like his little girl and explain to him what you have told us here.

Just be honest with him. Try it, tell him you are going to miss him *so* much and you really need some Dad/Daughter time. What do you have to lose?

You are right, telling stories is about the only way I can reach my Dad now, but those days are few and far between. My Dad has become suspicious and paranoid. He thinks I am out to steal his money (I have never taken or asked for even a dime from my folks in my entire adult life), he has invented amazing (but terrible) stories about my DH, my kids, my Mom and is now starting to go after my brother and sister. He chased my brother out of his house recently! But the advice you gave about trying to explain how I will miss him and need to spend time with him is good and I will try it. And the stories, a great suggestion. Hopefully he won't think I am trying to divert his attention in order to swipe something... :paranoid

What a great way to view your parent's alcoholism. I don't think I have ever heard a better way to look at it. I sometimes think about the fact that I gained alot from dealing with my parent's "issues", but mostly I just feel grateful that I survived it. You have turned it into an advantage. I do try to remember that I grew in ways I wouldn't have if I had had "normal" parents, but there was so much pain in my life as a kid that I sometimes let that cloud my perspective. Good for you that you learned early on to make it work for you. What a terrific attitude. I'm surprised your sisters didn't pick that up from you. Are you the oldest?

My Mom quit drinking for 2 main reasons: She fell down the stairs (again) in a blackout and while recovering, her doctor told her she had only a short time to live as her liver was totally shot. My Mom didn't really care at that time, but then my brother lost his wife and 2 kids in a car accident and needed help, which gave my Mom a reason to live again. She checked herself into a rehab and did the tough work necessary to turn her life around. She is an inspiration to all her friends in AA, as well as our family!

I really am sorry about your Dad. I will try to remember how precious time with our fathers is, no matter how they are treating us. Thank you for your compassionate advice. It means alot.

You are right, telling stories is about the only way I can reach my Dad now, but those days are few and far between. My Dad has become suspicious and paranoid. He thinks I am out to steal his money (I have never taken or asked for even a dime from my folks in my entire adult life), he has invented amazing (but terrible) stories about my DH, my kids, my Mom and is now starting to go after my brother and sister. He chased my brother out of his house recently! But the advice you gave about trying to explain how I will miss him and need to spend time with him is good and I will try it. And the stories, a great suggestion. Hopefully he won't think I am trying to divert his attention in order to swipe something... :paranoid

What a great way to view your parent's alcoholism. I don't think I have ever heard a better way to look at it. I sometimes think about the fact that I gained alot from dealing with my parent's "issues", but mostly I just feel grateful that I survived it. You have turned it into an advantage. I do try to remember that I grew in ways I wouldn't have if I had had "normal" parents, but there was so much pain in my life as a kid that I sometimes let that cloud my perspective. Good for you that you learned early on to make it work for you. What a terrific attitude. I'm surprised your sisters didn't pick that up from you. Are you the oldest?

My Mom quit drinking for 2 main reasons: She fell down the stairs (again) in a blackout and while recovering, her doctor told her she had only a short time to live as her liver was totally shot. My Mom didn't really care at that time, but then my brother lost his wife and 2 kids in a car accident and needed help, which gave my Mom a reason to live again. She checked herself into a rehab and did the tough work necessary to turn her life around. She is an inspiration to all her friends in AA, as well as our family!

I really am sorry about your Dad. I will try to remember how precious time with our fathers is, no matter how they are treating us. Thank you for your compassionate advice. It means alot.

When people are dying those around them tend to tiptoe and walk on eggshells. Honestly, that just encourages more poor behavior on the one dying. Dying people are well aware that their illness is affecting the entire family and that compounds the bad feelings they already have. Honesty, it's the only way to go. Tell him you need to be his little girl again even if it is for a short while. A Dad never quits being a Dad if he was ever one to begin with. There is still part of a Dad in there and maybe you just need to find it again.

Just my experience from watching people die for over 20 years. Be honest. If he pisses you off, tell him. You don't have to be confrontational but you don't have to put up with poor behavior either.

The paranoia issue... that's rough. There are meds to help that if he'd be willing to try.

Nope, I'm the youngest. I bought into the "poor me" attitude for a short while but then I realized it really wasn't benefiting me in the least. I realized that I have learned a great deal from the way I was raised. I can spot someone attempting to manipulate me before they even try. Sometimes I let them and sometimes I don't, but I ALWAYS know when it's coming. I have a certain compassion for addictions (even before my own food issues) and I know it is a lot harder than non addicted people make it out to be. In person I can read a person and know exactly what to say or do. There are some patients I can have a little fun with and tease a bit and there are others I have to be ultra professional. I know within a minute of meeting someone how far I can go. I can see a person's potential even if they can't. I know how far and how hard to push them.

I wouldn't have any of that if I wasn't raised exactly as I was. So nope, I wouldn't change a thing about my upbringing.