This is a spin-off of the accidentally deleted thread "Imposters piss me off."

Every so often, I go over to OH, even though I hate it, just to see if anything useful has been posted. Afterwards, I mentally slap myself. Every. Single. Time. It's a damn good thing that I had my account there deleted. If I hadn't, I probably would have been banned by now. Either I read a post by SandyR (I try to avoid them, but some sneak through when I'm not expecting it) that makes me want to slap her and shake the people that actually listen to her or I run across a thread containing an online WWIII over some stupid thing. (Today it was one where someone had the audacity [gasp!] to say that they didn't feel a lot of sympathy for people who buy something they really can't afford, default on their loans, and subsequently have their possessions repo'd - apparently that didn't go over well.) :speechles

Every time I go over there, I wonder why I did. But I guess I continue to think that there might be some redeeming feature to the forum (every so often, a decent bit of advice gets posted). :phanvan

obesityhelp.com

Truth is a good thing!

I still think it goes back to social skills. A lot of fat folks isolate themselves and they never really learn to get along well with others.

If you ask some of the "followers" on OH why they behave as they do a few will tell come right out and tell you that this is the first time they have ever had friends and if they don't go along with the "leaders" they won't have friends anymore.

I think they have been picked on for so long that it's almost a "pay-back" to pick on others. It's that cheer leader mentality from high school. You do as you are told, think as you are told, believe as you are told, and you'll be fine. Go against the group and you'll be toast. But the thing those folks just don't understand is that at 40 y/o and 300#, the cheerleader effect is gone, it's just plain not there. They are nothing individually but as a group they believe they have power. The only power they have it to demean fat folks.

And OH is supposed to be a support board for fat folks? Hardly. It's a place where the fat social misfits gather and attempt a pack mentality. LBT is so much better in so many ways. All the people that gag when reading OH want to come over here. So it works out quite well. We get the normals and they get the weirdos.

I think you're right, WASa, at least to a certain extent. There's no other way to explain how certain members of Sandy's group have reacted. I mean, you give them evidence that is absolutely irrefutable, showing that Sandy has lied to them and that she really isn't what she claims to be, yet they choose to attack the messenger instead. It's completely insane, and the only way I can explain it is by what you've said.

I mean, we're not angels here, by any means. But we've got a designated place to bitch, moan, and fight. It STAYS in that place. We can disagree with each other here, have absolute knock-down drag-out fights, yet we still support each other on the rest of the board. At OH, the bitching and fighting spreads from thread to thread. There's only a thin veneer of support there. People turn on each other without a second thought. People read that and think I'm joking or exaggerating. I'm not. You can be friendly with one another (or as close as people can get without ever meeting or talking to each other in person), but there a definite sense of clique-ishness. If you happen to say something to the wrong person (very easy if you don't spend all your free time on OH and observing), people treat you differently. Hell, I wound up with someone on my friend's list that I later found out HATED me, but she was perfectly nice and friendly to my face (at least, until I happened to get on her bad side). I had to have my account deleted because I became the easy target for people to attack, just because I happened to speak up in defense of someone that the clique hated (the very same person from my friends list that I mentioned before, ironically) and told EVERYONE involved to grow up and act like adults. A person that I prefer to refer to as "the psycho-bitch" (or PB, in a pinch) attacked me out of nowhere in a thread, with absolutely no provocation. It got to a point where I could no longer make ANY type of contribution to a thread without wondering if I was going to be attacked, just because some people had drawn lines and made an arbitrary decision that I was on the wrong side. It's crap. And that just about sums up my opinion of OH, to be honest. :speechles

Originally Posted by Chelle B

OH is a different place now than it was before - much more open and so many new people. I see lots of great people in both places......

With all due respect, OH hasn't changed an iota, IMO. I was over there this afternoon, checking to see if there were any goods tips being posted. It was the same old fight, just a different topic. People still get absolutely BLASTED for stating their opinion. SandyR is still there, with people supporting her (for incomprehensible reasons). There is still fighting going on in threads, people are still allowed to censor what's said in their threads, the mods don't do CRAP, etc., etc., etc. It hasn't changed one bit. Different people singing, maybe, but still the same old OH tune. You are right about one thing, though.... There are good people at both places.

I think Wendell hit the nail on the head when he voiced his opinion about the Sandy mentality. People have been soooo duped and manipulated, they have attacked anyone that wasn't falling all over Sandy in agreement with every word she types... now that it's been proven she's a nurse who had her license revoked for dishonest behavior and a LOT of other issues, how embarrassing is that? To admit they were manipulated and duped and for such a long time? It takes a certain amount of integrity to be an adult and admit you were fooled. Some have that integrity, some don't.

Not knowing any of the "drama" there (never been an OH user), I have to be impartial and say I didn't read that as a spanking, but we are all different.

I do know that since I've been here I have read a lot of posts by people who have felt slighted there or have had problems there. Not that LBT is Utopia, either, but I do know that our mods seem to be fair and not heavy-handed and try to keep peace as best they can. We try to keep ourselves in check.

Perhaps what WASaBB wrote was a result of some history she has experienced there or what she's read in the past.

Some forums are a good fit, some are not, in any case, :welcomeB: to LBT, Chelle B. We hope you will like it as much as you like OH. I like it better because I can't stand the lack of any organization in the forum over there. It's just all posts listed chronologically. Tough to follow.

I have been on OH for over two years, so I am used to that format and can scan through every post title and pick the ones to read. I am still learning this one. I know this will be a lifetime journey so I want to reach out and help where I can, and ask for support when I need it.

And I was just teasing WASaBB - she is very straightforward and always has been. We don't always agree, and that's fine. I have great friends over at OH, and have met so many of them in person (especially when I used to travel for my job). So I have a different outlook than some people. I can "usually" ignore the crap, and make fun of it - depending on my mood. Most of the people over here are new to me, although I recognize several folks. Thanks for the welcome!

I'm also a member of a lap banding board where jealousy is a real problem.

I dont post anymore. I've been successful, I've lost weight but all these people want to do is bitch, moan and complain about why they're not losing and make excuses for why they cant do what they ought.

I cant post about my running because then I get flamed in the manner of "oh, that's OK for YOU, you dont have anything else to do, I'VE got children and a job so I cant run five days a week". O-kaaaaaaaay. Hmmm. Dont know who these other four people living in my house are then and not sure what it is I do all day at uni, but anyway.

And I wouldnt dare post bikini pics because that would be lording it all over everyone with how great I am right? Not hoping to motivate others, show them its possible and simply enjoy what I've worked so hard for?

It doesnt apply to all obese people by any means but there very definitely is a fat mentality - one where you dont take responsibility for your actions, you wont make the effort to change and you dont want to face that, but would rather make pathetic excuses - people who probably became fat because that is their outlook rather than the other way around. And you just stamp down anyone who proves otherwise. Sounds like OH is a bit like that?

"there a definite sense of clique-ishness"

Exactly! In fact the person who attacked you admitted to one of the people who was also being targeted by the dominant group that there is a "email list" where dirt gets passed around about various people. As a matter of fact she even told me who runs the email list. Perhaps someone who posted on this thread can explain more about that. Very supportive indeed.

You are right about one thing, though.... There are good people at both places.

Ok, I'll take that.

I won't defend my friends over there, because when in Rome.... PB, if it is who I think it is, is a very close friend of mine in real life. Of course in real life we don't talk about board life. In person it is more about family and work and shopping and preparing for her baby. After multiple miscarriages I am so happy that this pregnancy seems to be doing well.

And for the record, I am a tree-hugging, bleeding heart, rose-colored glasses type liberal - who tends to see the good in everything (unless I am pissed, then I am normal).

And most of the so-called experts, as well as most of the experienced bandsters, have some great advice to give. Some have crappy bedside manners, just like some of the greatest surgeons. I try to take it in stride, not always successful, as I am sure you know.

It doesnt apply to all obese people by any means but there very definitely is a fat mentality - one where you dont take responsibility for your actions, you wont make the effort to change and you dont want to face that, but would rather make pathetic excuses - people who probably became fat because that is their outlook rather than the other way around. And you just stamp down anyone who proves otherwise. Sounds like OH is a bit like that?

That's a great point. And JFTR, I've been following your posts for months and you have busted your butt and worked for every bloody pound you have lost. You have earned where you are now, it certainly wasn't given to you by any means. You have every reason to post about running and hard work, you've done it.

I agree with you, there are lots of excuses for people not losing weight. There are some legit issues, some slow losers that really are trying with everything they have. But many times people just don't have it in them to do what it takes. I think for most it happens eventually, but there are lots of excuses in the meantime by some with the fat mentality.

I honestly see more of them on OH than I do LBT. I like the attitude here, I like the support, I like the information, I like the people. I like the fact that when it's 2AM and I'm in a panic over something I can come here and someone will be here that understands and gets it and can talk me through it. This board has been a huge support for me and I can't imagine not having LBT. It's been a huge part of my ability to lose weight. I tell people here ... I tell them things I don't tell my real time friends. I do it because I can and it's a safe place to do so. What more can you ask from a board than that?

"there a definite sense of clique-ishness"

Exactly! In fact the person who attacked you admitted to one of the people who was also being targeted by the dominant group that there is a "email list" where dirt gets passed around about various people. As a matter of fact she even told me who runs the email list. Perhaps someone who posted on this thread can explain more about that. Very supportive indeed.

I am guessing that I am that "someone who posted on this thread". I know about the email list - but I don't know who started it. I do know that it has been gone for a long time - at least I don't see any emails like that anymore. I think lots of people got caught up in things, as people often do, and eventually got their lives back. I seem to remember people asking to be dropped from the emails until it dried up. But then again I get over 300 emails per day between work and home, so I scan and delete most of the time. Point being - that email list is long gone, I believe.

You are right about one thing, though.... There are good people at both places.Ok, I'll take that. <img src="http://www.LapBandTalk.com/images/smilies/wink.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Wink" smilieid="5" class="inlineimg"

I won't defend my friends over there, because when in Rome.... PB, if it is who I think it is, is a very close friend of mine in real life. Of course in real life we don't talk about board life. In person it is more about family and work and shopping and preparing for her baby. After multiple miscarriages I am so happy that this pregnancy seems to be doing well.

And for the record, I am a tree-hugging, bleeding heart, rose-colored glasses type liberal - who tends to see the good in everything (unless I am pissed, then I am normal).

And most of the so-called experts, as well as most of the experienced bandsters, have some great advice to give. Some have crappy bedside manners, just like some of the greatest surgeons. I try to take it in stride, not always successful, as I am sure you know. <img src="http://www.LapBandTalk.com/images/smilies/faint.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Faint" smilieid="236" class="inlineimg" />

It's who you're thinking of. I wish her the best with her pregnancy, but it doesn't change the way she treated me. I was absolutely humiliated. I had NEVER been treated that way before, and it just stunned me that she would treat someone like that with no more provocation than she had, and in front of the ENTIRE board, no less. The very least she could have done was to confront me through PMs instead of on the board. I'm sorry that she's had a tough row to hoe, I really am, but it doesn't mean she gets a free ticket to be vicious to people and treat them with so little respect. I'm sure she can be a really nice person, but that wasn't my experience with her.

I like the fact that when it's 2AM and I'm in a panic over something I can come here and someone will be here that understands and gets it and can talk me through it. This board has been a huge support for me and I can't imagine not having LBT. It's been a huge part of my ability to lose weight. I tell people here ... I tell them things I don't tell my real time friends. I do it because I can and it's a safe place to do so. What more can you ask from a board than that?

That is too true - it is nice to have a place where people understand. I am not at goal yet, lots of reasons but no excuses, and I fully expect to get there within the next year. Oct 2006 - Oct 2007 was my year of health challenges, so I focused on those more. Time to get back to the weight loss and finish up!

I love it when people continue to post anywhere after they have met goal - it is so incredibly inspiring!

It's who you're thinking of. I wish her the best with her pregnancy, but it doesn't change the way she treated me. I was absolutely humiliated. I had NEVER been treated that way before, and it just stunned me that she would treat someone like that with no more provocation than she had, and in front of the ENTIRE board, no less. The very least she could have done was to confront me through PMs instead of on the board. I'm sorry that she's had a tough row to hoe, I really am, but it doesn't mean she gets a free ticket to be vicious to people and treat them with so little respect. I'm sure she can be a really nice person, but that wasn't my experience with her.

I'm sorry that happened to you, Lauren. I have been on the receiving end of some vicious attacks myself, and hell, likely I have given it right back as well. Hopefully overall I am decent to people, but no promises. :whoo:

I'm sorry that happened to you, Lauren. I have been on the receiving end of some vicious attacks myself, and hell, likely I have given it right back as well. Hopefully overall I am decent to people, but no promises. :whoo:

You were ALWAYS decent to me, so there's no hard feelings towards you from me.

You were ALWAYS decent to me, so there's no hard feelings towards you from me.

That makes me feel better - I generally speak from the heart, but sometimes I can be very reactionary and then will say anything. I try tho. :heh: