So I am 9 months post-op. I am a wife, mother, friend, sister and daughter... and feel no identity with any of these... Somewhere along the path of life I lost who I was... who I am. With all the hormonal changes that come with this surgery most days I am over whelmed and filled with anxiety. I feel like no one understands what I am experiencing. Along with the emotional side the changes that I have physically are great because I feel better, but with all this flappy skin I feel worse about myself then before I had surgery. My marriage was kinda rocky before and now even more so because I am more out spoken and independent. I fell like I just exist from day to day. I thought I would get out of this funk and it's just not passing... I guess I am just needing to know if anyone can relate to any of this...

I don't think it's our place to advise for or against medication. (Not targeting any one poster here.) That's a personal decision. But I'm sure *information* is useful. @bluebonz36 good luck with your decision: meds, no meds, or even a combination (meds and therapy).


RNY 14 April 2017
SW: 295 lb / 134 kg
GW: 187 lb / 85 kg (I'll see when I get there)

bluebonz36, I wanted to share my experience with you.

A few years ago I decided to do an imitation sleeve. I had just come out of a very harrowing relationship and moved back to the USA, was setting myself up for a new start. I couldn't afford weight loss surgery at that time, but thought I could eat the portion size sleevers eat and see what happens.

I lost 119 pounds.

I was at the gym everyday, spent two and a half hours there. I felt physically good. People started talking to me, especially nice looking men who wanted work out buddies. I had such a hard time with it because it started to become apparent how I was treated when overweight versus when I lost the weight. People were kinder. My family seemed less ashamed of me, even my mother whose so critical was kinder.

It upset me, angered me. Then depressed me.

I struggled with hormonal imbalances, adjusting to life back in the states, a new relationship, and I questioned everything. The weight loss didn't negate any of those things. That was the worst disappointment, I did all this work but felt just as lost as I always had, maybe even worse.

I wondered if people were into me for my mind or looks. My boyfriend and I fought often, I chose an incompatible guy because I wasn't in the head space to start a relationship, I needed to find myself first. I felt malaise, and also fear about my future. I was so depressed I started to shut down and isolate. It was akin to feeling paralyzed.

This static state in my life lasted a while, a few years with each month passing becoming worse.

I met someone who was a professional counselor but he wasn't my counselor. He was a friend. I guess talking got me through so much of it. Just being around someone compassionate and kind helped a lot. I was very blessed because most people cannot relate to that sort of depression and isolation, fear. This person did and I feel I owe them my life.

I think what I realized is I had to deal with myself, figure it out, work hard to get to the bottom of it. This meant change. If it meant I had to start over, that I had to move on from certain people, then that's what it meant for a more positive and productive life. Because I knew I was going to have to reinforce a lot of behavioral change, not just dream about it. I knew finding myself was going to take a while and be intense.

I gained my weight back over several years, but finally was approved for surgery, which I'm having in two weeks. I think this time I understand what matters most is I'm prepared. It's important I know this is about me and I'm not alone, just as you are not alone.

Some days are still a struggle, life is a struggle, but being my own cheerleader and honest with myself, and not feeling shame for it helps to build a positive and grounding frame of mind for me to work with. Knowing that down times are transitory also helps. Getting out of my head by keeping busy with exercise and reading, my work, these all help as well - its work but practice makes perfect and it feels so worth it in the end for me.

I'm wishing you nothing but the very best.

Everyone is going to be biased based on their own experiences, that is not the debate. There is no debate, just plenty of opinions and anecdotal evidence but what is needed here is guilt free sharing. If meds do not work for one person, they might be just what the other person does need and neither should be shamed by the choice and that is the point.

I am a well educated graduate level nurse with experience in mental health and I work with patients who are struggling emotionally and pts who are mentally ill. A personal note....i have been taking an SSRI for 14 yrs, my 19 yo daughter has been on it for 5 yrs. In fact, there is such a chemical imbalance throughout the family....several of us need the SSRI to function normally. Y would you tell someone to not take something prescribed by their Dr. Would you tell a diabetic to not take their insulin because the body will end up craving it....well duh!!! The body needs the insulin...same concept with a SSRI. PEOPLE LISTEN TO TRAINED HEALTH CARE STAFF. IF YOU NEED A PILL TO GET YOU THRU THE DAY THEN SO BE IT!! I WORK WITH CANCER PTS TOO. WE GET MANY WHO DON'T WANT TREATMENT BECAUSE OF WHAT A FRIEND TOLD THEM....OH GEEZ
..THEN 3 MONTHS LATER THE PT NOW HAS METASTATIC BREAST CANCER...IF ONLY SHE TOOK THE MEDS THE DR RECOMMENDED INSTEAD OF SMOKING DOPE AND EATING ALL NATURAL , THEN THE MASS COULD HAVE SHRUNK VS BREAKING THRU THE SKIN. NOW THAT PT IS DEAD!!! TRY THE MEDS PEOPLE!!!

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Thank you. Pills are not a magic cure for evwryone. But neither is insulin. Some need it, some don't. Sometimes you only need it for a while.

HW 420
SW 347
CW 327
Sleeved April 10, 2017

One more post on this dead horse. Type 1 diabetics need insulin forever, but that is off topic on the OP.

23 hours ago, Sosewsue61 said:

Not all antidepressants are SSRI, some work on dopamine and norepinephrine.

Welbutrin is one of those and a person can taper off of it fairly easy w little side effects. While I am not offended easily I am taken aback at people that say 'don't take anything, don't take anything' when it saves lives all the time, and it's ironic that we are on here having DRASTIC surgery for medical reasons but eschew medication, while giving expert medical advice......holy merde

The reason why I said not to take any meds is not because I am against them.

It won't help with the gross hormonal imbalance created by dropping a ton of weight. My gyno wouldn't even give me anything hormonal because you can't balance out this kind of hormonal imbalance. Even when I cried in her office begging for help, she passed me tissues and patiently explained why it would not work.

It is the same medical reason my Dr won't put me on high cholesterol medicine. It won't lower my cholesterol because it is high because of burning a tremendous amount of fat in a short time.

Also meds are not going to help you with an identity crisis and major life upheaval. Situational depression/anxiety cannot be cured with meds, you have to work through it.

If OP wants meds, she can go and try and find a Dr to give her some, no one reputable will if they know her full medical history.

I'm lucky enough to live in an area with good medical care and I specifically choose young Drs that keep up on current medicine. Everyone isn't that lucky.

@bluebonz36

There are very few people in the world with a BMI over 60 (Started at around 61 and you started around 64). Even fewer that ever lose any considerable amount of weight. You and I are in a special, different class. People are not going to understand what you are going through, they will not understand the changes to your body. Few doctors and medical professionals will understand. The more weight you lose the more of a unicorn you will be.

Like I said in my first post on this page. Even the WLS community is mostly useless to me. My journey is fairly singular and it has been incredibly lonely. I don't know anyone that came from where I came from and is where I am now. So when someone who has a starting BMI of 40 or below tries to give you a lecture about post-op life and how your body is working , take it with a grain of salt. They have no clue.

Edited May 11, 20179 yr by OutsideMatchInside

The reason why I said not to take any meds is not because I am against them.
It won't help with the gross hormonal imbalance created by dropping a ton of weight. My gyno wouldn't even give me anything hormonal because you can't balance out this kind of hormonal imbalance. Even when I cried in her office begging for help, she passed me tissues and patiently explained why it would not work.
It is the same medical reason my Dr won't put me on high cholesterol medicine. It won't lower my cholesterol because it is high because of burning a tremendous amount of fat in a short time.
Also meds are not going to help you with an identity crisis and major life upheaval. Situational depression/anxiety cannot be cured with meds, you have to work through it.
If OP wants meds, she can go and try and find a Dr to give her some, no one reputable will if they know her full medical history.
I'm lucky enough to live in an area with good medical care and I specifically choose young Drs that keep up on current medicine. Everyone isn't that lucky.
[mention=317855]bluebonz36[/mention]
There are very few people in the world with a BMI over 60 (Started at around 61 and you started around 64). Even fewer that ever lose any considerable amount of weight. You and I are in a special, different class. People are not going to understand what you are going through, they will not understand the changes to your body. Few doctors and medical professionals will understand. The more weight you lose the more of a unicorn you will be.
Like I said in my first post on this page. Even the WLS community is mostly useless to me. My journey is fairly singular and it has been incredibly lonely. I don't know anyone that came from where I came from and is where I am now. So when someone who has a starting BMI of 40 or below tries to give you a lecture about post-op life and how your body is working , take it with a grain of salt. They have no clue.

Thank you. 57.3 here. So I understand.

I started at a BMI of 80.5 and am currently at 55.6 so far I haven't had these feelings. I am experiencing hormone changes but it's physical in nature. Even though I had a complete hysterectomy just over 11 years ago I am enjoying (not) hot flashes. I did go through a lot of the emotional stuff when I lost 154 pounds in my mid 20s. Especially in dealing with a loss of sex drive, body dismorphia, and an inability to connect with the people in my life.

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It is true that there are differences when people have a higher BMI and go through changes, physical and mental on their journey, than someone with a 'lower BMI'. I already stated we each have our own experiences, choices and opinions to own.