In my adult life, I've never been thin or even close to it. In fact, I've never been below 200lbs.

To those who had never been thin or normal weight before surgery but now are, how is your world different?

I'm particularly interested in how other people treat you. Family, friends, dating?

I'm kind of terrified, honestly. I am accustomed to being ignored/invisible; I won't know how to interact with people. It was my safety zone.

@@White Sale

Your topic seems to be common for many of us. My invisibility was also a comfort zone

What people seem to be attracted to may be your positive happy vibe and your healthy/attractive appearance.

When you go from invisible to people going out of their way to help you, holding doors open for you and getting attention from the opposite sex. It is seriously an uncomfortable and a strange phenomenon to experience. After weight loss, I truly realized how society places value on appearance.

Family & Friends

You will find out who is supportive and positive in life. They will except this is you and life become's normal. No more shock and awe over your changing body.

I have had people be unnerved by my weight loss. Unfortunately, things became awkward. The relationships faded

I cut off negative unsupportive people.

People that wouldn't give me the time of day, Now want to be friends....LOL they don't get to do that.

Dating: I'm married. Can't wait to see posts on that

Attention from the opposite sex: It's flattering but uncomfortable when your not used to it. It take's time to figure how to respond and interact in that arena again.

I had to give myself a compliment scale...

Appropriate - I give a quick thank you and move on. Makes a great NSV. (please post them if you have one)

Hilarious - Also makes a great NSV. (again, Please post them I would love to hear it)

Creepy - need we say more

Here is what science has to say:

Physical appearance

Our society places particular value on physical characteristics. Curvy body shapes, long legs and luxurious hair are characteristics that are often seen as desirable in women. For men it might include characteristics such as muscularity, tallness and a firm jawline. For both sexes there is youthfulness, white even teeth, and facial symmetry. There is a vast amount of media coverage implicitly favoring, and in the case of the advertising industry explicitly promoting, these models of attractiveness. Films, magazines and television all contribute to what might be termed the tyranny of body shape images. There is a whole industry that aims to mould consumer preferences, and so sell products, by distorting the reality of normal into the unreality of ideals such as the so-called ideal of women being size zero.

Because the ideal of attractiveness based on physical characteristics rather than personality traits (such as kindness, intelligence, thoughtfulness, sense of humour) is continually being promoted in western societies, you might assume that relationships in the west would be based on physical characteristics. This assumption has been found to be true, but only up to a point. Whether or not it is true might be to do with the reason for the relationship, short-term fun or longer-term commitment.

Some psychologists suggest that in order to understand why particular physical attributes are deemed attractive we need to consider human evolution. Darwin's theory of evolution and natural selection states that characteristics that give an animal or human the best chance of survival and of reproducing themselves will be prized. These psychologists would suggest that attraction based on physical characteristics is related to features which indicate healthiness and especially fertility.

Viren Swami and Adrian Furnham (2006) have undertaken an overview of recent research which examined this suggested influence on attraction based on physical characteristics. Their research focused on the heterosexual male perspective.

They pose the question of whether there are physical characteristics that are found to be attractive across cultures. If so, do these characteristics signal procreative potential as predicted by psychologists taking an evolutionary approach to explaining behaviour? Swami and Furnham conclude that there is research evidence to suggest that there are characteristics that have been shown to be attractive across cultures. The physical characteristics for females focus on body shape, especially the waist to hip measurement ratio (WHR). A WHR measure of 0.8 means that a person's waist measurement is 80 per cent of their hip measurement.

The full article if your interested:

http://www.open.edu/openlearn/health-sports-psychology/psychology/starting-psychology/content-section-4.5

I was overweight my entire life, though not obese until I was into my 20's. I had lost and regained massive amounts of weight in the past, but never maintained at anything approaching "normal" for very long. Honestly, my friends and family had seen me lose and regain weight so many times, that they never really commented on my weight-loss post-WLS. I think they were all afraid I would gain it back again. Not until I was very close to goal did I start getting comments about being "too skinny", though I am still technically "overweight" even now.

I had some coworkers who didn't know me as long who did compliment and comment on my weight loss quite a bit. That always made me feel pretty good.

The weird category is people who never knew me when I was fat. I've been at goal for 15+ months now and was close to normal-looking for probably 20 pounds or so before goal, so I actually have a lot of coworkers and acquaintances now who never knew what I was like before. That's a weird dynamic. The are always shocked if I tell them I used to be fat or show them old pictures. They can't really comprehend it, I guess.

Dating-wise... I did separate from my husband last May (now officially divorced) and dipped my toes into the dating pool. I definitely get a lot of attention from guys now. I don't do online dating, but I do a lot of Meetups and I am usually pretty popular at them. I am confident and happy. I think that has as much to do with it as my actual physical appearance.

I still have moments when I will walk into a store and head over towards the plus sizes. Or walk into a store that doesn't carry plus sizes and feel self-conscious like people are looking at me like I don't belong in there. But those experiences are fewer and further between the further out from surgery I get.

I'm not a vet but I'm close to goal.I am 147 today.my lowest weight as an adult was 180ish.No one knows me at this size.my highest weight was 324.Iwish I was invisible at that weight,but unfortunately I attracted an amazing amount of contempt from society.perfect strangers would scream at me from their cars obscenities and call me pig,cow,buhda.Men would tell their so's within my earshot that if they got fat like me they would dump them.People would look at everything I put in my shopping cart.Now I have a level of anonymity that I have never had.People treat me with respect.Men open doors for me.I had to learn to graciously accept compliments.....It is so hard.I have a So,but I get jealousy from him now. I am getting comfortable in my own skin but it takes time.Ive never known a time where people didn't try to define me by my weight.

I am 2 years and 7 months post surgery. I looked like I was at a normal albeit curvy weight about a year post surgery. I'm currently 122 lbs on a 5' frame. While that is considered a "normal" BMI, I'm far from skinny. I started a new job July 2015 where no one knew me in my "fat" body. It's been an interesting experience. I'm completely used to my eating habits, but I guess to the uninitiated, my habits are odd. I eat small meals every few hours, that mostly consist of a type of meat. I can walk into our office kitchen and not be tempted by the Snacks (a better word for crap) that are left on the table. Over the holidays I got so tired of hearing the comments about how I was "so good" or how they couldn't wait for me to "cut loose" and "be bad" at the holiday party, that I outed myself. I took two of the staff members into my office, showed them before pictures, told them about my surgery and told them that I was doing what I needed to do to keep the body I now have. The comments have, for the most part, stopped and I'm happy about that. Yes, It's nice to no longer be "invisible" or treated with disdain. I'm learning to say "thank you" when someone compliments me rather than "thank you, but . . . ." and then draw focus to the parts of me I don't like. It's sometimes difficult, and odd for sure.

I was wondering about confidance. I have been morbidly obese most of my life and people(mostly at work) treat me HORRIBLY. I never say anything back, and Tues I actually have to have a meeting w one of the worst ones and my boss so I can tell her how I feel. I don't have the confidance to say ANYTHING. i'm hoping for surgery in June

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First and foremost, I had the sleeve to aid me in maintaining a healthy weight and most of all my health. All obvious reasons.

Im at goal weight now only three months after surgery so Im being monitored by my surgeon so I dont go the other way!????

Confidence - Im quietly humbled... I feel friggin awesome! Being overweight fir such a long time creates all sorts of emotional demons. Does this go after surgery and a new beginning in the weight loss journey - for me, YES YES YES! But some things do change.

People you thought would support you dont. Only for me though. Everyones journey is different. The ones you think wouldnt do! I have a theory - those that dont, probably want the surgery. Otheres mock simply because they have never been overweight, thus, dont get it!

I say - eat shit! Dont tell anyone what your doing untill you feel comfortable and then you still dont need to tell anyone. This is your life and the most important relationship you can have is one with yourself.

Im married and that has had its bonuses. My husband has been a great support.

Im doing things I never ever did before and was all due to my weight holding me back.

Do your research, weigh up the risks and trust me, the work begins for the rest of your life. This is permanent.

As for those work colleagues- if you dont have the confidence, tell them from me to go look in the mirror!

Stand tall mate, look up and be proud of who you are today and in the future!

I say GO FOR IT!

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First and foremost, I had the sleeve to aid me in maintaining a healthy weight and most of all my health. All obvious reasons.

Im at goal weight now only three months after surgery so Im being monitored by my surgeon so I dont go the other way!????

Confidence - Im quietly humbled... I feel friggin awesome! Being overweight fir such a long time creates all sorts of emotional demons. Does this go after surgery and a new beginning in the weight loss journey - for me, YES YES YES! But some things do change.

People you thought would support you dont. Only for me though. Everyones journey is different. The ones you think wouldnt do! I have a theory - those that dont, probably want the surgery. Otheres mock simply because they have never been overweight, thus, dont get it!

I say - eat ****! Dont tell anyone what your doing untill you feel comfortable and then you still dont need to tell anyone. This is your life and the most important relationship you can have is one with yourself.

Im married and that has had its bonuses. My husband has been a great support.

Im doing things I never ever did before and was all due to my weight holding me back.

Do your research, weigh up the risks and trust me, the work begins for the rest of your life. This is permanent.

As for those work colleagues- if you dont have the confidence, tell them from me to go look in the mirror!

Stand tall mate, look up and be proud of who you are today and in the future!

I say GO FOR IT!

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I'm not sure why, but reading your post, I got tears in my eyes. It could be that you really understand, it could be that I want this so bad, or it could just be because I am tired of the person the weight has caused me to be. I want to be happy, strong and confident. I have only told my immediate family and best friends. I don't feel like anyone else needs to know. I am not really concerned about support, because I KNOW my family and those friends will be there for me. I don't want to be a "mean" person, but I just want my co-workers to know that I AM A PERSON! I am tired of being self conscious, and getting turned down for promotions because people see my lack of confidence as a lack of ability which is so wrong. I'm sorry for going on and on. I have my 1st appt with the surgeon on Jan 16th. Thank you for "listening".

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Edited January 7, 20179 yr by char3672

All of us have truly been at some stage in our lives where you are today. Great support here and good on you for reaching out! See you have confidence by doing just that but I know what you mean and I hear you. Good on ya for not wanting to be a mean person, your better than me! I would of flung a donut at them hahahahaha! Hope you smiled then!

Go for it and research the shit out of your surgeon. Keep us updated on your journey and feelings as we get it! Time for a new beginning and there is one person in Australia who backs you! Xxxx

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Oh and never say sorry - thats what we are here for! Go for it!

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All of us have truly been at some stage in our lives where you are today. Great support here and good on you for reaching out! See you have confidence by doing just that but I know what you mean and I hear you. Good on ya for not wanting to be a mean person, your better than me! I would of flung a donut at them hahahahaha! Hope you smiled then!

Go for it and research the **** out of your surgeon. Keep us updated on your journey and feelings as we get it! Time for a new beginning and there is one person in Australia who backs you! Xxxx

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Thank you my friend!!! I appreciate all of your kind words, and I LAUGHED when I read the donut comnent!!!

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I've read so many stories, here and elsewhere, about people divorcing after have WLS. Very interesting.

Still nervous about it all, but excited, too.

Yep, very true White Scale!

Nerves are all a part of it to. Everyones journey is different and I take my hat off to anyone who has tried all means to lose weight and become healthier, then feel bariatric surgery is their last option. No judgements here!

I wish you all the best but please know its a process after. I did so much research, did everything I was told but it didnt prepare me to what a process it truly was after the fact. I guess you have to do it to let it totally sink in. In saying that, I dont regret it. Hey we are all different just go for health first because the weight WILL come off!

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All of us have truly been at some stage in our lives where you are today. Great support here and good on you for reaching out! See you have confidence by doing just that but I know what you mean and I hear you. Good on ya for not wanting to be a mean person, your better than me! I would of flung a donut at them hahahahaha! Hope you smiled then!

Go for it and research the **** out of your surgeon. Keep us updated on your journey and feelings as we get it! Time for a new beginning and there is one person in Australia who backs you! Xxxx

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Thank you my friend!!! I appreciate all of your kind words, and I LAUGHED when I read the donut comnent!!!

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Hahahaha!

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