I would be interested to know how many of us WLS patients..... Started out married and are now Not (are almost not)....

They warned me that a large portion of WLS patients end up getting divorced... but i didn't believe them... Till now

Also, did it improve your marriage.... would like to know that too

Chris

@@Heather I I sware i could have wrote what you wrote verbatim... In fact he told me last night that he still thinks i could have lost the weight on my own.. I told him, i did. No one lost it for me. He also said i was too skinny (again)....I went over to his house last night to talk about the house and other stuff.... it started not good.... but then he feed me 4 shots of Fireball and well..... when i drink i tend to get a little (ok a lot) emotional.... and i started second guessing my feelings and one thing lead to another.... but when it came down to the "deed"... he looked at me and said... i can't, i don't know where you have been.... are you kidding... I haven't been anywhere... Sure i date, but that doesn't mean im a whore... it was so hurtful i cried all night and into this am. He sure knows how to break a woman..... I told him that... and of course he turned it around on me and said i made him feel like a piece of meat....

So today sucks....

@@Candygyrl - how is your mother-in-law?

@@Heather I

I bet your lack of sex drive is due to self protection in this way: You are hurt (very understandably!) by his comments. You internally realize that he is hurtful. You are bettering yourself both physically and emotionally and so your body shuts off the most intimate thing you can do to connect with him- sex.

I was in a bad relationship about 6 years ago with a man who started making negative comments to me. My sex drive towards him shut down and never returned.

@thenewkel, ugh, IDK. I agree it could be what you said. I don't want this to be the beginning of the end for us, because he does have some wonderful qualities (or else I wouldn't have married him,) and we have two young kids. I'm willing to fight to make things right, but him painting himself as the victim of this demanding wife who expects "so much" is not helping things.

So stranded but...My husband has been "eating for two" since my surgery three weeks ago. He goes up and down about 20 pounds since forever (we got married back when dinosaurs ruled the earth) and is about 30 pounds over ideal weight, but at 6'4" that's not much extra weight.

Still it's disturbing and he his snoring so loud I can hear him with earplugs jammed so far in my ears they touch my brain so I have been sleeping in the guest room.

On Thursday we went to a show and ate at a or cart lot (its a "thing" in Portland). I had a cup of hot mint tea and got a Sharma appetizer plate and ate 10 cc of chicken, 1/2 of a stuffed grape leaf and 5cc of cucumber salad. He ate the rest and a lamb gyro pluses a large routine (french fires with slaughter and pepper jelly sauce) and two pieces of baklava and two cans of soda. This weekend he ate most of a 3 pound pack of bacon and th madhouse a meal service (Green Chef) last night he added two full chicken breasts to the pre proportioned diner for four, though there are only three of us and I my serving is four meals for me.

I want to think I am just paying attention to food but one of our friends, who didn't notice how little I ate made a joke about how much my husband ate. It's only been three weeks since my surgery and my husband did lose his eating buddy but I am worried.

And yes, this is a rant but I would appreciate any insight..

We do become more intuned about food. But....he does seem to be overdoing it a bit!! LOL It is so hard not to see others eating large amounts of food and then to think back at what I use to eat myself. I would go all day without eating and then at dinner time I stuffed myself until I was miserable!! Now I can't stand that over full feeling!! Since I had my Panni a year ago it feels like it is pulling my skin so tight. I hate it!!

@@Heather I I sware i could have wrote what you wrote verbatim... In fact he told me last night that he still thinks i could have lost the weight on my own.. I told him, i did. No one lost it for me. He also said i was too skinny (again)....I went over to his house last night to talk about the house and other stuff.... it started not good.... but then he feed me 4 shots of Fireball and well..... when i drink i tend to get a little (ok a lot) emotional.... and i started second guessing my feelings and one thing lead to another.... but when it came down to the "deed"... he looked at me and said... i can't, i don't know where you have been.... are you kidding... I haven't been anywhere... Sure i date, but that doesn't mean im a *****... it was so hurtful i cried all night and into this am. He sure knows how to break a woman..... I told him that... and of course he turned it around on me and said i made him feel like a piece of meat....

So today sucks....

I just wanted to say, WTF on his behavior! I can only hope that alcohol might have caused him to say things he might regret?

I have read your other posts, though, so I don't know.

No real advice here, I just wanted to say that I feel for you. What a load of angry, passive aggressive crap.

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Just a quick update, we talked a lot, and I reassured him I want no one else, but he does need to step up his game in the romance/positive attention department -- I can't do all the heavy lifting in the relationship.

He booked a surprise evening out this weekend to a cool concert and is making a whole day out of it; a bite out, maybe a drink after. I think I need to work on boosting him up a bit, too:-)

Edited November 16, 20169 yr by Heather I

Just a quick update, we talked a lot, and I reassured him I want no one else, but he does need to step up his game in the romance/positive attention department -- I can't do all the heavy lifting in the relationship.

He booked a surprise evening out this weekend to a cool concert and is making a whole day out of it; a bite out, maybe a drink after. I think I need to work on boosting him up a bit, too:-)

I read where your SO accused you of cheating said you are too skinny and saw that your ticker is at 242 lbs... Seems he's insecure you can't fix his self esteem problems for him. Keep SAFE.

@@Aggiemae, it got confusing because the OP quoted a response to me and then included an addendum, but OP @ bayougirlmrsc had her husband accuse her of cheating and being too skinny, not my husband. (He has other issues, but those specific comments weren't his.)

@@Aggiemae that was me.... My husband said those things..... and so much more.

@@Aggiemae that was me.... My husband said those things..... and so much more.

The way quotes work here is a bit confusing. My comment stands to ANYONE is this sisuation. It's abusive and no one, regardless of current weight, should tolerate it.

You BF is pathological insecure. He lashed out at you and made unfounded accusations. Can this (or has this) escalated to physical violence? Remember, you can love him but you can't fix him. Do sacrifice yourself.

Don't sacrifice yourself.!!!! ...sometimes auto correct bites.

I'm worried as well. My husband is even heavier than me...although very supportive so far.

I fear though. It's a little bit like alcoholism. When both people drink and one stops or cuts back....how can that not create tension. Even with best intentions, the one who still drinks has loss of their partner in crime....and the one who gets clean watches the other one continue to make poor choices....whether there is judgement on either side or not, there would be perception of judgement.

You have to do what it takes to get yourself heathy and on track and worry about yourself first.

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My now ex-husband had gastric bypass October 2007 and we were separated by August 2008 because he was cheating on me. It really depends on you and your spouse. You can't take my experience and others as what will happen to you. Good luck!

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