Please forgive me if this is long.... And some of you might nail me to the cross for this I've been married going on 15 years. I'm 35 years old with 2 Children 12 and 15. 2 years ago almost to the day I met a guy. Now I may have been what society considers a fat girl but only now am I able to actually express that. I truly did not see myself that way. I was very confident, dressed well, hair did nails did everything did and although I was married-- NEVER had a problem attracting men. I was doing some shopping and kinda ran into this guy and looking back I think he may have strategically planned it but when I looked up there he was. I felt like I had been hit by lightening. He looked me in my eyes and said hello, then walked away. He had me at hello. He was extremely attractive. Why extremely? I could see him being on tv, or a music entertainer and it wouldn't surprise me he was that kind of attractive. My heart was fluttering and I was just a mess. Thinking why I didn't spruce up a bit before I left the house ugh!!! I mean wth, it's just a little harmless flirting. After trying to figure out 50 ways to sunday how I would tell this guy he was cute without coming off as thirsty I ultimately decided against it. I mean guys tell me how attractive I am all the time and it's normal but if a woman does it, it's an automatic signal that she wants you and that's not the message I was trying to send.

Well he found his way over to me again and struck up a conversation. We chatted a few brief moments then I'd shut it down and sashay with my basket over to another isle. He'd find me again. He never came out and flirted with me off rip but these random conversations were a big giveaway. After all he was obviously younger, he must've been nervous and didn't know how to approach me. Well he finally got up the nerve and found me in another isle walked up behind me and whispered in my ear Damn Ms ______ you look so good. Why did he call me Ms. ______ Because I had on a football jersey that had my sons last name and number on the back and I guess he just went from there. Here was my opportunity. I looked over at him as he walked away, tossed my hair, laughed very nonchalantly and said, yeah you too.

Well within moments he had come back with a piece of paper with his name and number written on it. he asked me to call him if I ever needed any home repairs, flooring or tiling. So I smiled and said sure I might just do that. Finally he asked me if I was married and I was truthful and told him yes and he made a case about wanting to be a friend to me, and just be someone I could talk to if I ever needed and that he would never overstep his boundaries. I politely declined and decided it was time to wrap this shopping trip up quick fast and in a hurry. As I was leaving the store I got to my car and popped the trunk I looked up and he was walking toward me eyes fixed. I got scared for a minute and asked "what are you doing?" he said I wanted to help you with your things. Please allow me. (Just like that. No lie) So he put my groceries in the trunk, pleaded his case once more and asked me to just give him a chance. He opened my car door so I could get in, and asked again would you please give me a call. I agreed and pulled off.

I could go into details about how this whirlwind affair unfolded but lets just say it was the best of times-- it was the worst of times. He was 22. No kids. Lived on his own. Had 2 jobs. Very responsible, a real gentleman, Old school. he was everything I never would have expected. I fell in love. lust. whatever. My world had been turned up. side. down. My husband found out, it tore him apart. Our family was broken and it was all my selfish fault. Did we have issues? yes. Nothing major. Nothing worth him being cheated on.

One day. He stopped calling and texting. he just disappeared like a thief in the night. I thought I would have a nervous breakdown. I didn't know what happened, why was there someone else? Did I say something do something? NOW things needed to end don't get me wrong they should have never began. But I started to wonder... would this have happened if I were say 75-100lbs lighter? For the first time I began to feel insecure about the way I looked. My weight never came up. He always told me I was beautiful, attractive, whatever but nothing else made sense. We reconnected and he just told me he had a lot going on with his job and he had to move out of his place and that he just needed to deal with it all and that he would never just leave me without saying a word.

He asked me about my husband and I told him we were working things out. He said I just want to make you happy (whatever that meant). then one day he said listen sweetie, its getting too hard for me not being able to have you when I want and spend time with you and I can't do half relationships. So I said fine. I understand no hard feelings. 8 days pass and I'm heartbroken he calls and says, I miss you so much. I love you, I'm going crazy, I can't sleep, I've been shutting people out cause I only want to be with you. He said he would be in the city and wanted to see me that weekend and it never happened. Then I didn't hear from him anymore. I called, I texted cause I thought he cared. He never responded. Once he returned my call, and I left my phone in the car. He left a message hey baby, call me when you get a chance. I miss u and I love you. Talk to you soon. I called him back, texted him... nothing. So I told myself # 1 I'm trying to work things out with my husband-- why keep this going on. ( I was addicted to him and I could not stop) # 2 He clearly is not that into you. His actions do not line up with his BS words if he really wanted to spend time with you or talk to you he would. #3 LET HIM GO... there must be someone else or he isn't attracted to you or something.

That affair tore me apart mentally. There was no closure. I was left with a empty feeling inside. 4 months later I see him on FB with a girl who and he was now "in a relationship". He was calling SOMEONE... texting SOMEONE just not me.

My husband and I are back together. I won't say he's fully recovered there are definitely trust issues there that will take a lot of effort on my part to restore. I do regret that affair. If I could do it over I would have run for the hills!!! I have convinced myself that (although it was wrong my ego was hurt still the same and my confidence completely SHAKEN) he did that because I was fat and he didn't want to hurt my feelings.

I've had a problem with flirting and getting myself in trouble with the hubby in previous years before I gained weight. Then I started gaining weight as a way to keep me honest, thinking guys wouldn't be as attracted to me and I could be content in my marriage and not wander off. it was working although I still got hit on.

I never want to go down that road again. But honestly 2 months after things ended I decided to have WLS. Now I didn't have surgery until 1 year later because although that was the catalyst I didn't want that to be the only reason. I needed to do it for me. My health, and my well being. I'm much better today. But I was just curious if anyone else had the feeling a relationship ended or never took off because of their weight. Or if you've had trouble staying faithful since weight loss. I will be honest, when I get to goal. I will have a professional photo shoot as my reward. My friend agreed to post a pic of me as her WCW as he is her friend on facebook-- to ensure he see's the new and improved me. (I know, petty) but It's only for my personal satisfaction but trust me I will never travel that road again. EVER again.

My hubby has loved me through it all and he deserves my LOYALTY. But sometimes I don't trust myself and wonder will old habits find their way back when I lose all the weight?

Good luck Candygyrl, I hope you can make things right with your husband. If not, I hope you do the right thing and let him go...