Going to be completely open here. I have done my psych eval, and go for my half-day plus surgeon appt (plus tests) on July 14. That's my 25th wedding anniversary. Husband and I have been living apart since Nov 2015; we moved to anew state 4 years ago and haven't really put roots down deeply here yet, probably BC of our marital issues plus years of caring for a terminally ill family member. So, not a big group of close friends here yet.

Husband and I are somewhat friendly, and he wanted to go to my surgeon appt as my support person on July 14, wanted to be with me in hospital during operation and overnight, and wanted me to come back to our house to recuperate post surgery. At first I said sure.

But now I realize, being around him too much is not good for me. He sends constant mixed signals, which get my hopes up, and basically is very much invested in being the "good guy" who saves the day. It's who he's always been. But now, it is just too hard to be around him, the constant stress I feel when around him is awful, and I really fear that if he were there as my support through all this, it would just confuse things for me and would break my heart again.

So.....do you think it is reasonable for me to do this all alone? I can get rides to and from the hospital. I can stock up on Protein shakes and Jello, have all this at my rented condo, have Water bottles ready, lots of pillows. Is it reasonable I could climb up and down a flight of stairs without assistance, a day post op? Can I shower alone? If need be I could also hire a home health aide to check in once a day?

Thoughts based on your experiences immediately post op and in the first 4 weeks?

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Edited July 4, 201610 yr by gina171

I am single and live alone. I travelled to Mexico for surgery. Went shopping the day after surgery, I was on the 6th floor of the Marriot and I purposely walked up and down the stairs instead of taking the elevator. Drove myself home from the airport five hours 3 days postop. Returned to a driveway full of snow, which I plowed with my ATV. I fed and watered my horses, dogs and cats. I went shopping, did laundry, got a haircut, and was back to work within a week. Other than asking a friend to shovel a path to the barn I had no problems taking care of myself and house/ranch chores. Couldnt lift over 20 pounds for 3 weeks, but that was manageable.

Bloody hell woman! You're one tough cookie!

In comparison I was completely useless first couple of days and even if I might not have needed much physical help, if I'm being honest with myself, it was nice to have my husband there to give me the "there, there, poor baby" lines.

@@bini120 ... Yes it would be nice, but my husband has decided he doesn't want to be that guy, after 28 years together.

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@@bini120 ... Yes it would be nice, but my husband has decided he doesn't want to be that guy, after 28 years together.

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I've just realized how insensitive my post in response to @@Kindle, was to your original post. I'm sorry. I should've been more aware - I feel a right idiot.

Just a point about your original post: it is infinitely healthier and more courageous to walk away from something that you know is not in your best interest, than to stick around because you're afraid you won't find something better. You will be changing your life with this surgery and no time like the present to discard of old routines that were damaging to you. You can do this without him.

@@bini120 .... I was probably being oversensitive.... Please don't worry, I remember the days when I had what you have now, and it WAS wonderful. Don't feel bad, like I said, I'm just a little sensitive and bruised right now. All the best to you.

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I'm single and living alone, and a week post op today. I'm mainly using Facebook and this site as my support system but I have some local friends that have been great; I'm doing fine. I had a friend come down and help me out with driving me to and from the hospital, but he went home the day after I got back.

Don't overdo anything since you'll still be healing from the procedure, but its good to be up and moving and doing things for yourself around the house, etc.

Best of luck!

How are you doing now? Hope you are doing well.

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I didn't need any help with anything during or after surgery....Although my husband was there.......You can drive as soon as you're not taking pain meds...I didn't take any pain meds after I left the hospital............However, everyone is different.

I'm a single parent. My friend took my then 15 year old for the four days I was in the hospital. My twin drove me, my mom came for extra support and my friend picked me up for days later. Once I was home I was pretty much on my own.

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@@gina171, It’s completely a personal situation. If you already know that being around him too much is not good for you and that he’ll make you feel nervous, I think you already have your answer. It also sounds like you’ve thought carefully about this and don’t have unrealistic hopes of not needing help – you said you’re willing to hire home aide if needed.

Good luck! This is about you, not him, so do what you need to do.

I touched on this topic in a recent blog post. You might find it helpful.

http://www.glowfig.com/weight-loss-surgery-101/

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