I'm healing up from my banding. Walking into the bathroom several times a day and lifting up my shirt so I can see my incisions in the mirror. It's real. I've lost some weight, but there's a secondary benefit that I didnt' expect. I'm a different person, because, for once in my life I did something for me. So many times I have stepped back, and let others have what they needed while I made do. Then I would use that little setback as a reason to gorge.

Now I have taken a step that is for me. To make me better than I am. To make me healthier, and maybe a little happier too.

I would like to say that when I'm looking in the mirror I can see the man that I'm becoming, but I can't. I do see the man I am, and he's better than the man I was yesterday, and that gives me a kind of quiet joy. That I can get better, and that I can recognize it, and not hide it from myself.

Truth is I have always been thin, but under wraps. The thin Ryan is a man I visit only in my dreams. Now the world has taken on the quality of dreams. Maybe the drugs they gave me haven't all worn off, but then, I think not.

Maybe it's that I'm not only new to Bandland, but to Taking Care of Myself land. I'm new to dealing with my feelings rather than heaping a bunch of cake and hamburgers on them to shut them up. Maybe I'll grow easy with my new life. Maybe there are some rocky places in the path.

Truth is, now that I am on the Bandland boat, I can look back and see the shores of Fatville still close at hand. I know that the sail will carry me away, but "then" is still pretty close to "now". The wind will blow, I'll have my trials, and my setbacks. There will be storms, and the desire to attack all problems with chocolate. But I have the Band. One day I'll look behind, and the shores of Fatville will only be a grey edge on the misty horizon.

Then I'll shade my eyes and look ahead to where the boat is pointed and I'll see the shining spires of Thin City. And if I cock my head and listen, above the creak and moan of the ship and ropes, I'll hear the music and the cries of the citizens of that place singing the sweetest song, whose refrain is: "You can do it".

It will be a bright day. So is any day I visit the stellar folks of LapBandTalk.com.

I, too, have had to get used to the notion of doing something for me. Years of taking care of others are deeply ingrained. But Patty will also benefit from you feeling better physically, and even more important, emotionally. You'll be walking a little taller and looking people in the eye more. And one day, you'll realize that those people are now looking at you with a glimmer of respect. And isn't that all anyone really wants?

congratulations whippledaddy on your new band. I'm soon to be banded. 12-2-2004.

I too feel like this is something I my do for myself. I seem to have always lived my life for someone else always neglecting myself. I hope this band will make me a new person too. inside and out. keep us posted on your progress and again congrats!!!!!!!!!!!

Fran, congratulations on your upcoming band. One of the greatest things that you can do for yourself!

Ryan

All I could say is right on...Your sentiments are excellent.I'm on the ride with you and everyone else and so far it is a pretty fun ride..Haven't got to the bumpy parts yet though they are coming ( ie- family gatherings in the next few weeks-I will pass on one this Sunday , but then Thanksgiving and my nepew's Bar Mitzvah in 2 weeks )..For now I'm in the closet at the suggestion of my doctor .I think the closet is helpful to a apoint for awhile to really focus on yourself without any judgements or negativity at all...My plan is to come leaping out of the closet at some point not too far away--maybe wearing a bandman cape (just kidding)....For now only my wife and son are in on it ..the rest of my world has been told I have had a double hernia surgery--partially trangulated to add extra drama....Oh boy....

Anyway Ryan..be well ..enjoy..

Steve

Good drama, Steve! LOL

Gosh Ryan, you are so popular that you have so many post going I can't remember which ones I posted to already! lol I guess that is why they make those arrows on them huh, now if I would learn to look at them before I open the post. Great post Ryan, I am glad you are feeling so good~

Ryan, I have been in a state of euphoria ever since I had surgery. I am just giddy with the thought that I have actually done something so important for myself. I keep reminding myself that eventually my band will benefit my DH as well. But for now, that band is MINE, ALL MINE!!!

Great job, Ryan...get ready for the ride of your life and never look back. The future is much brighter..

Steve's (NY) mention of his nephew's bar mitzvah reminded me that many societies around the world have rituals to mark a child's coming of age and joining the community. Some of these practices involve scarification. Maybe, Ryan, those scars you see in the mirror are marking your initiation into a group: not just the group of the banded, but the group of people who've voluntarily stepped forward to say, "I'm reclaiming my body." Our laparascopic incisions may never make the cover of National Geographic, but we can wear them with pride.

Ryan-I am happy for you and look forward to the day when I can step on that boat and start my path.

I know EXACTLY what you mean!!! Taking care of myself is not on of my stronger suits...if it was, I wouldn't have ended up in this situation! But it's the best thing I could have done for myself!!!

Nancy*

hi, ryan

your way with words are so soothing, and takes you to a different place all together, to forget of your worries, your pain, your health, and your fears, is a beautiful ride and when you've search every deepth of your being, you'll find that in all these years, you are the person every one knew, just more rested, more at peace with themself, and more loving, and happy, and comfortable inside, thank you for your thoughts and the quietness of your spirit, best of health..

margie

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margie

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INNER PEACE IS A GIFT, NOT TO MANY PEOPLE HAVE, BUT, SEARCH TO FIND.....