So angry and sad. I'm recovering from a total hysterctomy and preparing to have sleeve surgery in 4 weeks, on Feb. 23rd.

My husband (new I might add, just married over a year) has been brutal towards me because of my weight gain overthe last year and half. I gained 70 lbs (again, after losing 50). This was the last time I was going to go through this. I had to gain 10 lbs to have the surgery, and I did. It was great! For the first time, I ate what I Wanted...with no guilt. I have continued to eat some healthy things and some not healthy things. And he has insulted, put me down, told me he doesn't want a fat wife...and on and on.

Today I woke up sick, with a headache, but feeling good about my body. I have lost 10 lbs after this last surgery. I thought, hey! I'm looking better. I then walked in his office to him looking disgusted, telling me I had a headache because I ate some starbursts...and essentially telling me he wasn't going to buy me any junk food. I need to be on "His plan". And he is angry at me for gainig weight, and not being an obedient wife. I was hurt, sad, enraged, and just sick of it.

I have battled my body for over 25 years, and I know this descion to have the sleeve is right, no matter what he says. It just hurts to know that the man I married, has let me know...he doesn't love me for me. He obviously married me for what I looked like. I told him tonight that I hate him, and wished I never married him. He is a preacher, and so good to other people. But, horrible to me. It sickenss me.

With bad health, and am not supporting myself. I can't leave. I feel trapped with no support or family near me.

Just wanted to vent. Also, I'm a Christian and a praying person. Please pray for healing from this surgery, and healing and help through the sleeve Surgery. Thanks

Hmmmmm, why didn't I think of this sooner???? If there is Domestic Violence Training in your county or state, your hubby and you should sign up for it. In Illinois it is pr

The training is geared toward Police, Fire, Teachers, Medical Professionals, Psychiatrists, Marriage Counsellors, Shelter Volunteers, Pastors....anyone in a professional capacity who is likely to counsel in a volatile Domestic situation.

If he got involved in that kind of certified professional training, it would be like a veil lifted from his eyes and you would not have to say another word.

I may be old school (63), but when did a spouse telling his/her wife that "eating Starbursts will make fat" become Domestic Violence?

I've been married 36 years and along the way to becoming 80 lbs overweight, my wife told me "to stop eating so much" many times along the way.

It was hurtful to hear, but absolutely true and probably helped motivate me to finally take action.

Do you think anyone struggling with obesity should be eating Starbursts?

Do you think any average weight person enjoys seeing their spouse gain weight (while continuing to overeat)?

Do you think spouses should speak honestly about their feelings with one another, particularly in matters of health?

I'm not saying preacher boy is in the right, but I've read nothing here that convinces me he's ready to be charged with a crime!

I'm still waiting to learn if the OP has told him how SHE FEELS about her weight and his lack of support.

Hi,

Thank for sharing your experience. I did respond to your original response. Not sure if you saw that.

You are right about Starbursts. Unlike many people, I had to GAIN 7 pounds to have this surgery. I enjoyed, and have enjoyed every second of that. For most of my life I have been dieting, taking diet pills, excercizing, and depriving myself...only to fall of the wagon and gain weight. It has been wonderful to eat what and when I want, for these last few months. I have been up and down 30-70 pounds over and over and over. My husband only met me 3 years ago, so he does not know the 70 lb heavier me that I am now. But, I had just lost 55 lbs right before I met him.

In answer to your questions, yes I do believe you should be able to be honest with your wife about her health. But, to keep at it until she's sobbing is not the way to do it. I KNOW I have a food addiction, and a weight problem. That is why I am having this surgery. For my health, for my self-esteem, of my chronic pain, and for my husband.

I don't think he has committed a crime. I just think being more supportive would probably get him a lot further, and we would have a much better relationship than the approach he is taking now.

I have asked, screamed, and begged him to stop. He thinks he is helping me, and so he always manages to bring it up. He also does not want me to have the surgery. If this was an issue of health, he would realize that the surgery is for my health.

Anyways, he is not a horroble man. He is just making his wife feel horrible about her weight. Something that I don't need any help with, I already feel bad about it. I can't wait to Feb. 23d, to have the sleeve surgery and start to lose weight.

Thanks again for sharing.

One thing I do know. You can change you but you will never change him or anyone else. I do not think he will stop treating you badly if you become really thin. He has established a pattern of abuse and treatling you badly. Hope for the best. But Always have a backup plan.

Hmmmmm, why didn't I think of this sooner???? If there is Domestic Violence Training in your county or state, your hubby and you should sign up for it. In Illinois it is pr

The training is geared toward Police, Fire, Teachers, Medical Professionals, Psychiatrists, Marriage Counsellors, Shelter Volunteers, Pastors....anyone in a professional capacity who is likely to counsel in a volatile Domestic situation.

If he got involved in that kind of certified professional training, it would be like a veil lifted from his eyes and you would not have to say another word.

I may be old school (63), but when did a spouse telling his/her wife that "eating Starbursts will make fat" become Domestic Violence?

I've been married 36 years and along the way to becoming 80 lbs overweight, my wife told me "to stop eating so much" many times along the way.

It was hurtful to hear, but absolutely true and probably helped motivate me to finally take action.

Do you think anyone struggling with obesity should be eating Starbursts?

Do you think any average weight person enjoys seeing their spouse gain weight (while continuing to overeat)?

Do you think spouses should speak honestly about their feelings with one another, particularly in matters of health?

I'm not saying preacher boy is in the right, but I've read nothing here that convinces me he's ready to be charged with a crime!

I'm still waiting to learn if the OP has told him how SHE FEELS about her weight and his lack of support.

Though, I think telling a spouse to stop eating is as productive as telling a skunk not to stink, I do agree with most of this post.

I wrote my feelings and opinion about what I think this lovely young lady should at least try in my first post. I do hope she goes back and reads it again and again and again.

Couldn't hurt!

@@Bluesky1 I'm sorry you have to endure such a heartbreaking time in your marriage. Should you decide to stay, I believe a heartfelt conversation is definitely in order with your husband. You need to set boundaries as to the behavior you are willing to accept and stick to them. Please remind the Pastor that in Ephesians 5:25, he is commanded to love his wife as Christ loved the church; and his current behavior is not mirroring Christ's behavior. As a pastor he must strive to live by the entire bible, not just the easy parts.

It is my prayer that God moves on both your hearts and allow you both to see and understand the baggage that both of you bought into the marriage. I pray that you are able the extend grace to your husband and that grace brings conviction upon his heart.

I love you, but most importantly God loves you! Know that and feel it in your soul. This too shall pass.

Edited February 7, 201610 yr by 1SlimmerMe

Hmmmmm, why didn't I think of this sooner???? If there is Domestic Violence Training in your county or state, your hubby and you should sign up for it. In Illinois it is pr

The training is geared toward Police, Fire, Teachers, Medical Professionals, Psychiatrists, Marriage Counsellors, Shelter Volunteers, Pastors....anyone in a professional capacity who is likely to counsel in a volatile Domestic situation.

If he got involved in that kind of certified professional training, it would be like a veil lifted from his eyes and you would not have to say another word.

I may be old school (63), but when did a spouse telling his/her wife that "eating Starbursts will make fat" become Domestic Violence?

I've been married 36 years and along the way to becoming 80 lbs overweight, my wife told me "to stop eating so much" many times along the way.

It was hurtful to hear, but absolutely true and probably helped motivate me to finally take action.

Do you think anyone struggling with obesity should be eating Starbursts?

Do you think any average weight person enjoys seeing their spouse gain weight (while continuing to overeat)?

Do you think spouses should speak honestly about their feelings with one another, particularly in matters of health?

I'm not saying preacher boy is in the right, but I've read nothing here that convinces me he's ready to be charged with a crime!

I'm still waiting to learn if the OP has told him how SHE FEELS about her weight and his lack of support.

Hi,

Thank for sharing your experience. I did respond to your original response. Not sure if you saw that.

You are right about Starbursts. Unlike many people, I had to GAIN 7 pounds to have this surgery. I enjoyed, and have enjoyed every second of that. For most of my life I have been dieting, taking diet pills, excercizing, and depriving myself...only to fall of the wagon and gain weight. It has been wonderful to eat what and when I want, for these last few months. I have been up and down 30-70 pounds over and over and over. My husband only met me 3 years ago, so he does not know the 70 lb heavier me that I am now. But, I had just lost 55 lbs right before I met him.

In answer to your questions, yes I do believe you should be able to be honest with your wife about her health. But, to keep at it until she's sobbing is not the way to do it. I KNOW I have a food addiction, and a weight problem. That is why I am having this surgery. For my health, for my self-esteem, of my chronic pain, and for my husband.

I don't think he has committed a crime. I just think being more supportive would probably get him a lot further, and we would have a much better relationship than the approach he is taking now.

I have asked, screamed, and begged him to stop. He thinks he is helping me, and so he always manages to bring it up. He also does not want me to have the surgery. If this was an issue of health, he would realize that the surgery is for my health.

Anyways, he is not a horroble man. He is just making his wife feel horrible about her weight. Something that I don't need any help with, I already feel bad about it. I can't wait to Feb. 23d, to have the sleeve surgery and start to lose weight.

Thanks again for sharing.

Thank you for sharing the additional info. My wife was "blessed" with a Mediterranean metabolism that allowed her to eat as she pleased and not gain weight until she was about 60.

I am the home chef and I know we were both eating the same food in the same quantities and I grew to 275 while she stayed at 145.

She would give me advice based in total baloney and sometimes it would get ugly.

And, she wasn't that supportive about my wls decision at first. She suggested hiring a nutritionalist and a personal trainer for a year. When I lost 30 lbs pre opt, both her and my mother told me to call it off!

Now I'm 4+ months out and down 86 pounds (overall). Now she tells me to stop losing!

Just put your head down and stick to your program. The best way to get the upper hand is to do the surgery, lose the weight, buy smaller clothes and get your confidence back!

You can do this...

So he's a hypocritical Christian preacher... He's a dime a dozen.

Now I know there are two sides to every story but honey if he treats you that way and says those things to you considering your circumstances and health then there really is no need to know a second side. He's a jerk and I'm sorry that his true colors are starting to show after marriage. He cares more about his wants than he does about your needs. How is that in anyway fair to you?

If you're determined to stay in this relationship which I highly advise against, then I suggest you seek couples counseling. Aside from that I would drop him ASAP. I know with marriage things get complicated but just know that the longer you stay the more complicated it becomes to leave and the worse it gets without some kind of help. There is no justification for his behavior and he's not being the loving husband he vowed to be to you through sickness.

Hmmmmm, why didn't I think of this sooner???? If there is Domestic Violence Training in your county or state, your hubby and you should sign up for it. In Illinois it is pr

The training is geared toward Police, Fire, Teachers, Medical Professionals, Psychiatrists, Marriage Counsellors, Shelter Volunteers, Pastors....anyone in a professional capacity who is likely to counsel in a volatile Domestic situation.

If he got involved in that kind of certified professional training, it would be like a veil lifted from his eyes and you would not have to say another word.

I may be old school (63), but when did a spouse telling his/her wife that "eating Starbursts will make fat" become Domestic Violence?

I've been married 36 years and along the way to becoming 80 lbs overweight, my wife told me "to stop eating so much" many times along the way.

It was hurtful to hear, but absolutely true and probably helped motivate me to finally take action.

Do you think anyone struggling with obesity should be eating Starbursts?

Do you think any average weight person enjoys seeing their spouse gain weight (while continuing to overeat)?

Do you think spouses should speak honestly about their feelings with one another, particularly in matters of health?

I'm not saying preacher boy is in the right, but I've read nothing here that convinces me he's ready to be charged with a crime!

I'm still waiting to learn if the OP has told him how SHE FEELS about her weight and his lack of support.

Hi,

Thank for sharing your experience. I did respond to your original response. Not sure if you saw that.

You are right about Starbursts. Unlike many people, I had to GAIN 7 pounds to have this surgery. I enjoyed, and have enjoyed every second of that. For most of my life I have been dieting, taking diet pills, excercizing, and depriving myself...only to fall of the wagon and gain weight. It has been wonderful to eat what and when I want, for these last few months. I have been up and down 30-70 pounds over and over and over. My husband only met me 3 years ago, so he does not know the 70 lb heavier me that I am now. But, I had just lost 55 lbs right before I met him.

In answer to your questions, yes I do believe you should be able to be honest with your wife about her health. But, to keep at it until she's sobbing is not the way to do it. I KNOW I have a food addiction, and a weight problem. That is why I am having this surgery. For my health, for my self-esteem, of my chronic pain, and for my husband.

I don't think he has committed a crime. I just think being more supportive would probably get him a lot further, and we would have a much better relationship than the approach he is taking now.

I have asked, screamed, and begged him to stop. He thinks he is helping me, and so he always manages to bring it up. He also does not want me to have the surgery. If this was an issue of health, he would realize that the surgery is for my health.

Anyways, he is not a horroble man. He is just making his wife feel horrible about her weight. Something that I don't need any help with, I already feel bad about it. I can't wait to Feb. 23d, to have the sleeve surgery and start to lose weight.

Thanks again for sharing.

Thank you for sharing the additional info. My wife was "blessed" with a Mediterranean metabolism that allowed her to eat as she pleased and not gain weight until she was about 60.

I am the home chef and I know we were both eating the same food in the same quantities and I grew to 275 while she stayed at 145.

She would give me advice based in total baloney and sometimes it would get ugly.

And, she wasn't that supportive about my wls decision at first. She suggested hiring a nutritionalist and a personal trainer for a year. When I lost 30 lbs pre opt, both her and my mother told me to call it off!

Now I'm 4+ months out and down 86 pounds (overall). Now she tells me to stop losing!

Just put your head down and stick to your program. The best way to get the upper hand is to do the surgery, lose the weight, buy smaller clothes and get your confidence back!

You can do this...

Thank you for all of your support and sharing your experience with me. It really is invaluable. Few people stay married as long as you have, and it appears you've survived the weight issue causing problems in your marriage

As far as my marriage and weight issue. I've also really tried to look at this from my husbands perspective. He is frustrated. He wa/n't expecting this kind of weight gain in a year, and he is not a Complusive Eater or yoyo dieter. He simply doesn't get it.

I love my husband. In many ways he shows his love for me. Good provider, faithful, responsible, and he does love God. He just thinks that He can fix this issue for me (with his diet and exercise program) and "Tough Love" and be can't. He truly does not get that this is 20 years of this weight battle, and I'm DONE. No more doing the same thing I have always done, that has always failed without surgery.

I have been busy with life, and getting ready for surgery. Thank you again for your enouragement. I'll see you on the otherside on Tuesday, a Sleeved Woman!

????

@@Bluesky1 I'm sorry you have to endure such a heartbreaking time in your marriage. Should you decide to stay, I believe a heartfelt conversation is definitely in order with your husband. You need to set boundaries as to the behavior you are willing to accept and stick to them. Please remind the Pastor that in Ephesians 5:25, he is commanded to love his wife as Christ loved the church; and his current behavior is not mirroring Christ's behavior. As a pastor he must strive to live by the entire bible, not just the easy parts.

It is my prayer that God moves on both your hearts and allow you both to see and understand the baggage that both of you bought into the marriage. I pray that you are able the extend grace to your husband and that grace brings conviction upon his heart.

I love you, but most importantly God loves you! Know that and feel it in your soul. This too shall pass.

God bless you for you words. I read them several times and wept. I needed to hear exactly what you wrote.

Forgive me for the delay in response. I was overwhelmed with the reponses (which is a good thing), and..exhausted thinking about the issue.

I needed to hear that I need to respond with grace, as the Father has told me to do. I don't do well with that, and I have raged back at him because I'm so hurt. It is a soft answer that turns away wrath, and I truly want to be the woman God has called me to be...regardless of anyone else's behavior...even my husbands.

Although we've never met...I love you too Sister in Christ, and God loves us too! ????

God Bless you!

Hmmmmm, why didn't I think of this sooner???? If there is Domestic Violence Training in your county or state, your hubby and you should sign up for it. In Illinois it is pr

The training is geared toward Police, Fire, Teachers, Medical Professionals, Psychiatrists, Marriage Counsellors, Shelter Volunteers, Pastors....anyone in a professional capacity who is likely to counsel in a volatile Domestic situation.

If he got involved in that kind of certified professional training, it would be like a veil lifted from his eyes and you would not have to say another word.

I may be old school (63), but when did a spouse telling his/her wife that "eating Starbursts will make fat" become Domestic Violence?

I've been married 36 years and along the way to becoming 80 lbs overweight, my wife told me "to stop eating so much" many times along the way.

It was hurtful to hear, but absolutely true and probably helped motivate me to finally take action.

Do you think anyone struggling with obesity should be eating Starbursts?

Do you think any average weight person enjoys seeing their spouse gain weight (while continuing to overeat)?

Do you think spouses should speak honestly about their feelings with one another, particularly in matters of health?

I'm not saying preacher boy is in the right, but I've read nothing here that convinces me he's ready to be charged with a crime!

I'm still waiting to learn if the OP has told him how SHE FEELS about her weight and his lack of support.

Though, I think telling a spouse to stop eating is as productive as telling a skunk not to stink, I do agree with most of this post.

I wrote my feelings and opinion about what I think this lovely young lady should at least try in my first post. I do hope she goes back and reads it again and again and again.

Couldn't hurt!

Thank you Valentina for your orginal response. I did respond to it. Also, I sent you a private message, not sure if to got it.

Hmmmmm, why didn't I think of this sooner???? If there is Domestic Violence Training in your county or state, your hubby and you should sign up for it. In Illinois it is pr

The training is geared toward Police, Fire, Teachers, Medical Professionals, Psychiatrists, Marriage Counsellors, Shelter Volunteers, Pastors....anyone in a professional capacity who is likely to counsel in a volatile Domestic situation.

If he got involved in that kind of certified professional training, it would be like a veil lifted from his eyes and you would not have to say another word.

I may be old school (63), but when did a spouse telling his/her wife that "eating Starbursts will make fat" become Domestic Violence?

I've been married 36 years and along the way to becoming 80 lbs overweight, my wife told me "to stop eating so much" many times along the way.

It was hurtful to hear, but absolutely true and probably helped motivate me to finally take action.

Do you think anyone struggling with obesity should be eating Starbursts?

Do you think any average weight person enjoys seeing their spouse gain weight (while continuing to overeat)?

Do you think spouses should speak honestly about their feelings with one another, particularly in matters of health?

I'm not saying preacher boy is in the right, but I've read nothing here that convinces me he's ready to be charged with a crime!

I'm still waiting to learn if the OP has told him how SHE FEELS about her weight and his lack of support.

Though, I think telling a spouse to stop eating is as productive as telling a skunk not to stink, I do agree with most of this post.

I wrote my feelings and opinion about what I think this lovely young lady should at least try in my first post. I do hope she goes back and reads it again and again and again.

Couldn't hurt!

Thank you Valentina for your orginal response. I did respond to it. Also, I sent you a private message, not sure if to got it.

I don't think I did, but I will go back and look. Do you have someone going with you and who will be at the hospital for you after surgery??? I wish I lived closer. Prayers going "up" just for you!!

I was in an awful marriage for 13 years to a sociopath. Our beginning was swift, every sign pointed to us being made for each other. That's their ploy, they feel the same and make it seem that you are perfect and made for each other. That is until they have you. Then slowly they rip away freedoms, self worth, self confidence. Slowly, so you don't notice them disappear. You no longer become "good enough" and everything is your fault and your responsibility if something goes bad. With extensive ghost lighting you question reality and become a victim and see no way out. You are trapped. And they make sure you question whether you could even make it on your own. Honey, I left that man a year and a half ago and never looked back. I am just coming to my own and am two weeks out from my sleeve. I'm finally working on me and love me again because I am an awesome person! If this sounds like your situation. Find an opportunity (first disability check) and go! Life is too short to try and make someone happy who's only joy is the manipulation and misery of others. God does not want that for you and maybe he was put in your life to give you the warning to not get caught up in the trap again. My next Husband will love me as much as I love him or he will not be my husband. Sorry this is so long. I just hear you saying the same things I would say about myself when I was with my ex. His reflection is distorted and you need to see through Gods eyes. You are beautiful and the sleeve can only make you healthy. You are already worthy of love and affection!

So angry and sad. I'm recovering from a total hysterctomy and preparing to have sleeve surgery in 4 weeks, on Feb. 23rd.

My husband (new I might add, just married over a year) has been brutal towards me because of my weight gain overthe last year and half. I gained 70 lbs (again, after losing 50). This was the last time I was going to go through this. I had to gain 10 lbs to have the surgery, and I did. It was great! For the first time, I ate what I Wanted...with no guilt. I have continued to eat some healthy things and some not healthy things. And he has insulted, put me down, told me he doesn't want a fat wife...and on and on.

Today I woke up sick, with a headache, but feeling good about my body. I have lost 10 lbs after this last surgery. I thought, hey! I'm looking better. I then walked in his office to him looking disgusted, telling me I had a headache because I ate some starbursts...and essentially telling me he wasn't going to buy me any junk food. I need to be on "His plan". And he is angry at me for gainig weight, and not being an obedient wife. I was hurt, sad, enraged, and just sick of it.

I have battled my body for over 25 years, and I know this descion to have the sleeve is right, no matter what he says. It just hurts to know that the man I married, has let me know...he doesn't love me for me. He obviously married me for what I looked like. I told him tonight that I hate him, and wished I never married him. He is a preacher, and so good to other people. But, horrible to me. It sickenss me.

With bad health, and am not supporting myself. I can't leave. I feel trapped with no support or family near me.

Just wanted to vent. Also, I'm a Christian and a praying person. Please pray for healing from this surgery, and healing and help through the sleeve Surgery. Thanks

w

So angry and sad. I'm recovering from a total hysterctomy and preparing to have sleeve surgery in 4 weeks, on Feb. 23rd.

My husband (new I might add, just married over a year) has been brutal towards me because of my weight gain overthe last year and half. I gained 70 lbs (again, after losing 50). This was the last time I was going to go through this. I had to gain 10 lbs to have the surgery, and I did. It was great! For the first time, I ate what I Wanted...with no guilt. I have continued to eat some healthy things and some not healthy things. And he has insulted, put me down, told me he doesn't want a fat wife...and on and on.

Today I woke up sick, with a headache, but feeling good about my body. I have lost 10 lbs after this last surgery. I thought, hey! I'm looking better. I then walked in his office to him looking disgusted, telling me I had a headache because I ate some starbursts...and essentially telling me he wasn't going to buy me any junk food. I need to be on "His plan". And he is angry at me for gainig weight, and not being an obedient wife. I was hurt, sad, enraged, and just sick of it.

I have battled my body for over 25 years, and I know this descion to have the sleeve is right, no matter what he says. It just hurts to know that the man I married, has let me know...he doesn't love me for me. He obviously married me for what I looked like. I told him tonight that I hate him, and wished I never married him. He is a preacher, and so good to other people. But, horrible to me. It sickenss me.

With bad health, and am not supporting myself. I can't leave. I feel trapped with no support or family near me.

Just wanted to vent. Also, I'm a Christian and a praying person. Please pray for healing from this surgery, and healing and help through the sleeve Surgery. Thanks

w[/

I am so sorry, He is way out of line. God doesn't want you to be abused in any way. Can you go to a Christian counselor? Somebody out of the church? Praying!

That is a form of abuse. Baby girl you need to leave his ass in the dust. You are too good for that!

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Girl, get yourself healthy and out of there! Read Louise Hay, "You can heal your Life," It changed my life.

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