Okay, if you haven't heard Elle King you really need to listen to her hit "Ex's and Oh's" - great song.

Oddly, I have had Ex's sort of reappear recently.

P - very casual dating at the time, but my type in so many ways. He is outgoing, world traveler, very family oriented, business man, plans for early retirement like I want and just a few years younger but youthful in energy and attitude. He has more energy than me, whuch isnt very common! He is from Italy and there is something about those big personalities that suits me. I wasn't really ready for a serious relationship and he was separated not divorced at the time. What ended things is he moved about 4 hours away, but we stayed in contact and remained friends. I feel a strong attachment to him and when we met for coffee some months ago when he was in town, it was very comfortable. In many ways our relationship never ended, just changed.

Anyway, he brought up wanting to start something serious but I just can't bring myself to deal with a long distance thing. It is funny, I would MOVE for a real relationship with the right person, but to date... I am like 45 minutes is about my limit.

Actually as my give a damn is fairly busted, 45 minutes might me too far...

One of the thing P said is that after dating a bit after he moved, divorced final etc. he realized what a great catch I am and he wanted me in his life (About time someone noticed!).

That is flattering, especially coming from someone like him that I like and respect so much but. I just don't want to effing drive and give up so much of my life to that. My adult sons live with me, so it would be me driving, at least at first as I don't introduce them unless it is serious (or just a platonic activity partner ).

Even so, this still rolls around in my mind as someone I could really be with.

Then, yesterday I got an email from K who I dated for around 4 months in 2014. There were good things about our relationship, and he is a good guy but I found him to be a little...critical. nothing big, but I found it a little negative. Also during that time he had big problems with his neck and shoulder which meant we couldnt do alot of stuff and i got bored ... he is normally an active person but couldnt be at the time. Of course that probably contributed to his negativity. We ended things mutually, according to him the reason was we hadn't fallen in love, so why bother as he is looking for a wife/life partner.

Ok, so now he asked me to go to a live music show (one of our common interests ) and I assumed it was "as friends " but had to decline due to a work commitment. He then says "too bad, of course I was hoping to wine and dine you." Luckily this was by email, because my instant response was WTF?

I didn't hit the send key yet.

Never in a million years did I expect that. I wasnt in love, but it took me some months to get over so on some level i was hurt i guess. It is part of my "I am really sick of the 3-4 month relationships " of which I have had a couple. They have discouraged me when I should look at them as positive learning experiences. This is a topic I have discussed in counseling, that I experience "losses " of many types as abandonment, even if I wanted the change/loss to happen. So I don't hold any personal bad feelings toward him, it was hard to get over and set me up for falling for a crazy guy about six months later (situation I feel lucky to have gotten out of safely ). I guess through no real fault of his own, I don't feel that fondness and attachment toward K - although we had an awesome sex life. He does meet my 45 minute criteria however.

I am not out there actively searching and have gone on a few dates with someone else who wants to keep seeing me but I am not sure I want to pursue, so I am definitely "available "

As all the singles know, it is pretty hard to find a match who has the same relationship goals, are sane, financially secure, physically appealing, sane, health and activity oriented, sane, and you actually enjoy their company so as I recover from surgery... I contemplate my Ex's and Ohs....

Long distance is really tough. But it can be done!! I'm a wedding photographer and I have seen lots of couples together having begun long distance . I'm glad you said no to k, he sounded like a lame-o. )