My expectations for the amount of weight I will lose, or how fast I will lost it have never been unrealistic. I didn't get fat overnight and I know I won't get healthy overnight either. My expectations for how I would feel after surgery where apparently completely off! I am 12 days post op and I have yet to be happy about my surgery. I went into this journey thinking my pain after surgery would be minimal, and that my desire for pizza, bagels, and brownie batter would just disappear. Why? I have no idea. It sounds really stupid when I say it. I just saw all these people posting on forums about all their success right out of the gate and thought, wow this is great. To make matters worse I have watched three of my family members have the surgery and struggle. My grandmother had serious complications and almost died. My aunt had a blockage and a lot of issues with scar tissue. My mom had pneumonia and ended up back in the hospital. Yet, despite seeing there struggles I thought this was going to be a piece of cake recovery. I have struggled with the pain since day 1. Still now I can hardly walk because it feels like my left side is physically tearing open and it burns like no ones business. I also had a pretty bad allergic reaction to the steri strips. All of my incisions are swollen like golf balls and red and itchy. In addition to my pain I still struggle with my desire for food. I even desire foods I never would have wanted before. I am guilty of licking a French fry and nibbling a cookie. They weren't even satisfying. Food was a hobby for me as well as my fiancé. Of course he is one of those people who can eat What he wants and not gain weight. I find myself struggling because I am stuck in bed and I'm bored and all that does is make me want to eat, because eating is something to do. I thought having the surgery would cure my food cravings for the fear of getting sick, but I was so wrong! My head was not in the right place before surgery, my expectations where way off. I think it's important to share these struggles because more times than not the things we read are about success. Everyone would rather share their success than their struggles. No one likes admitting they nibbled a cookie or licked a French fry, it makes us feel weak. I also think people struggle to share these things because of the backlash. I have read people sharing that they messed up and that they just want to get back on track and then people comment things like, "SMH, I can't believe you would risk ruining your tool." It saddens me to see that even with the overwhelming support from others, there are some out there who have had the surgery and feel that their success gives them the right to bash people for their mistakes. I have asked myself daily why I couldn't just do this the easy way, diet and exercise. Why did I have to put myself through this pain. Of course everyone out there who hasn't had surgery considers surgery the easy way, but it really is the hardest thing to do to yourself, for yourself. Before writing this I had a moment where I felt good about my decision. I saw a picture of my 16 year old cousin in a bathing suit, she in no way has the perfect body but she is healthy and gorgeous. I thought about how this temporary pain will allow me to be healthy like her someday and I smiled for the first time since surgery. I am not at a point where I would encourage people to have surgery, but I in no way would ever want to discourage someone from having it. I have struggled with depression and very high anxiety for a long time. My depression is well managed by medication, and my anxiety although medicated has always still been a huge battle. I don't see a psychologist and I know I should. Before my surgery I did the bare minimum required to be approved, including one visit with the psychologist for bariatrics. My biggest advice to anyone who wants or needs surgery is to really commit to therapy first. My biggest mistake was not taking the time to do that for myself. I have the hugest support system. Most people don't have nearly the amount of people helping them physically and mentally that I do. Despite all this support therapy is still necessary. First thing tomorrow morning I am calling to get myself the psychological help I need for this journey. It's a disservice to myself not too. It's hard to not have unrealistic expectations seeing the stories of other people, but we are all individuals and we are all different. To all those currently struggling with me and all those who struggle in the future I hope you find your way as I am slowly doing. I know what it feels like to be alone regardless of the support around you.

I did not require a preop diet. Highest weight and surgery weight was 277. Current weight 12 days post op is 255.

Edited January 26, 201610 yr by acuri08

Thank you for sharing your struggles. I took courage to do so. I pray that all goes well for you. Please don't give up believe it or not you came a long way.

Thank you for responding this app is new to me and I wasn't sure if I was posting correctly. This has been hard for me but I'm trying everyday. Today was a good day I got through the day without crying. Thanks for your words of encouragement