[cue gigantic sigh]

Okay. Every good story starts with a little bit of history, so here's mine.

It begins with an age old saying concerning those who've gone through with a weight loss surgery. My whole life, I've been fat. Maybe I've been lucky to consider myself a lightweight in the eyes of surgeons and BMI charts(given my height) added to the fact that I've always been proportioned well, but in this society's eyes... I have ALWAYS been fat. And not just fat, pretty fat. A killer, sad combination.

When I say pretty fat, I don't mean like, "kinda" fat. Not that kind of pretty... but "nice face... ohhh there's the rest of her. *shudder*" pretty. Pretty sad right? My face earned me dates, got me friends, helped me in many endeavors the modern girl often takes on. But, the rest of me, f**k. It's been like dragging a dead body around. Extra baggage. Unnecessary cargo. Something I've always considered a hold back and a heartbreak. So what do I do about it for the first 24 years of my life?

Nothing.

I binge eat whole boxes of mac and cheese for comfort, and even when I'm happy I can down a whole tostitos "mini" (but not so mini) pizza. I figured, what the f**k, right? My face gets me what I need and everything else I can fix... or bandaid with this magical thing called criminal amounts of food. I am "happy" in those years. I have boyfriends, two serious relationships that produced two beautiful daughters. I have a job doing what I love and because of my face and female prowess derived from some ancient goddess of confidence, I can project myself as a self assured, strong woman. I am fine. I dont need to change. I don't care. I don't give a ****.

And then I hit 281 lbs.

At 24, in the midst of a college education, walking through campus on the daily losing my breath coupled with trying to squeeze into what I see as child size desks in every class, I realize for the first time... I am seriously fat. And not just by society's standards, those that I've shattered with my badass mentality for so long... but seriously, actually fat. Obese. Morbidly and uncomfortably. That's when panic sets in. Holy f**k, when did this happen? How? Yeah, I've had two children and yeah, I eat a little more than the average lady... but WT the actual F?!

Immediately I knew I had to do something. I started going to rec center at the college I was attending. Itried to replace my daily dose of 4-6 cans of coke with some Water. I tried to eat a chicken salad instead Kentucky Fried Chicken. But, let me tell you something, water and grass with mini chunks of meat in it did not make me feel good. I don't mean physically, obviously. In that case, I'm sure my body was like oh thank god, something not smothered in grease or gravy. But, mentally, I felt AWFUL. My mind begged to know why I was doing this... I missed everything I tried to give up or substitute with the healthier choice. I was an addict spiraling down quickly into food withdrawal, and it was the most painful thing I've ever experienced.

My soulmate. My life partner... food. I had to break up with it.

I struggled with fixing the problem on my own... for months. I think I lost like, two lb all together halfassing at the gym and eating one slice of pizza instead of five. So what do people do when they can't do it themselves? They find a professional. The first was my primary care physician. Sweet woman, no bullshit type with a killer take on life. She offered me this medicine: Topamax. Helllloooo, honeylove. Topamax over the next two months easily helped me drop another 15 pounds. I was feeling good again! I weaned myself off that, thinking I could do it at about 20 lbs lighter... nope. I gained some back instead. Boo frickin' hoo.

Around that time, my cousin was going through the process of getting a gastric bypass. She lived with my mother, who had unsuccessfully had the lapband so constantly, I overheard her and my mom discussing the process of bariatrric surgery. I envied the excitement in her tone, and every month she was closer to having the surgery, I knew that this was my ticket. This magical weight loss tool that could really help me out of the donut hole I dug myself into over the years. So I researched. I called the doctor that did my mom's lapband and before I knew it, I had my appointment for a consultation.

That was in October of 2014. After 14 months (I only had to do 6 months of pre op stuff, but due to miscommunication and a lack of paperwork from my primary doctor it took this long) I was looking at my surgeon in the operating room, right before versed and propofol put me to sweet sleep.

That's where my story begins. I am, today, two weeks post op and soooo ready to get the journey to a better, healthier, smaller me started. I had my VSG surgery on December 28, 2015 at 252 lbs.

Edited January 12, 201610 yr by TAB_VSG

Hi

What you have just wrote is like reading my life! food had been a thorn in my side for as long as I remember , I think the thing with food addiction is , it isn't like other addictions where we can go cold turkey , we still need food!! so frustrating

I'm awaiting a surgery date, I am 36 and weigh 360lb and my health is really suffering for it. I have my Psychological assessment in march and hope to get a date soon after. Exciting but am quite worried about it! How are you doing after your surgery ?

Hi

What you have just wrote is like reading my life! food had been a thorn in my side for as long as I remember , I think the thing with food addiction is , it isn't like other addictions where we can go cold turkey , we still need food!! so frustrating

I'm awaiting a surgery date, I am 36 and weigh 360lb and my health is really suffering for it. I have my Psychological assessment in march and hope to get a date soon after. Exciting but am quite worried about it! How are you doing after your surgery ?

Congrats on being almost to your surgery date! It's a really exciting time-- the pre op century. I remember going through all of it and feeling like it took forever. I googled every possible sleeve related topic (how I stumbled upon this forum actually haha) and worried myself to death over the changes I was going to have to make to be healthier, like giving up food. :/ So my little piece of advice to you while you're in the process of getting everything ready for surgery, don't overthink. I did, and it was pointless. Every dumb fear I had preop from researching and reading other posts was eliminated immediately post surgery. : ) And this miiight be considered bad advice, but from a suuuper food lover to another, plan your food funerals, or "last meals" of all the stuff you love. Mine in particular was ihop's steak quesadilla smothered in sour cream. It helped me say goodbye to things I wouldnt have for a very long time by actually bidding them farewell as I ate them one last time. That might be an addict mentality though. : P

I did a two week preop diet of all liquids and that I think was the hardest part. To know I could eat, but had to mentally say no was tough, I won't lie. I cheated a few times and regretted not having "one last meals" like, everyday. I know a lot of people say if you can't do the preop diet then you'll fail after surgery. Bull shit. Even if I wanted to eat like I used to, there's no way it's happening. You can almost feel like every bit of sustenance you put in your mouth filling you up. And youll know when enough is enough.

The pysch evaluation in my experience was easy peasy. They just want to make sure you have realistic expectations post surgery. Plus it means your nearing the end of your prerequisite stage and you're almost there!

I'm rambling haha... but as for how I'm doing, as of right now, Awesome! The first week and a half was hard. I spent two days in the hospital, sleeping sitting up because my back hurt so baaaad. I assume it was from the operating table, or the hospital beds in general, but I remember the first night waking up every hour or so, just whining over my back. Other than that, the actual surgery part wasn't so bad. Everything went smoothly and before I knew it I was home. For about the first five days, I didnt eat anything. I remember trying to drink broth and just bleeegh. Couldnt do it. I sipped Water, but even that was minimal so I was tired for the first week.

Now, Im on to softer foods, cottage cheese and pureed everything and it's not so bad! As long as I drink enough water/tea/GatoradeG2 (AHMAZING) I have the same amount of energy I has preop. Tomorrow I start back at work so we'll see how that goes haha. Recovery varies from person to person, but I think mine went well. I remember thinking those first few days would never end, and now I can barely remember them. So no worrying, miss! Save all that energy for the excitement and the realization that you're one hell of a woman for taking that big step towards becoming a healthier you! Good luck on everything!! <3

Congratulations! I really enjoyed reading your post!! You're going to love life!!

Congratulations and welcome to the loser's bench.

Good luck on your journey ????