Biej

Edited January 11, 201610 yr by momma_missie

As lonely as I was when my first husband died...I was alot lonlier knowing my second husband and I were like strangers while sharing the same bed. How horrible to be feeling alone when your spouse is sleeping right beside you.

I subsequently left him and was alone (without a partner) for 15 years. I was never lonely though. I make sure to have a support system of friends and family. And I learned that being by myself was not that terrible. Really...don't be afraid to be alone. There are alot of good things about being alone. You don't have to compromise..your life is your own. Be in control of your life and do what you need to in order to make yourself happy. Or if not happy, then make yourself strong...or better yet, find out how strong you really are.

Good luck.

If you did get a divorce, what is the worst that could happen???? You would get happy????

Speaking as someone who had parents that NEVER would have worked together, kids are pretty perceptive, more than you may think. If they can tell you're unhappy, I bet they would be a lot more understanding and okay with it if you decided to split than you'd think they would be. It's no one's place but your own to know what is the right thing for you, but if most of your worry and hesitation comes from worrying about being alone then you just have to teach yourself that your worth is NOT decided by other people, and it's NOT decided by who is willing to stay with you even when the relationship is unhappy. You are worthy of the kind of relationship that will make you feel happy and loved and supported. Also I can guarantee you that your kids will be a lot happier if they know you are happier. It was the same with my parents. Whatever happens with you, I hope it's for the best and that you find some comfort and the love that you deserve.

I've tried leaving twice.. before my wls. But came back both times. In his eyes all is well. Sometimes I swear not an emotional bone in his body... hopefully in time we get it figured out. Is it bad to hope he'll hate the new me and leave this time around? :-/

I've tried leaving twice.. before my wls. But came back both times. In his eyes all is well. Sometimes I swear not an emotional bone in his body... hopefully in time we get it figured out. Is it bad to hope he'll hate the new me and leave this time around? :-/

Please don't wait for him to make a move because he won't. If you are unhappy, talk to a lawyer and get your ducks in a row. Life is way too short to be miserable. Really.

I've tried leaving twice.. before my wls. But came back both times. In his eyes all is well. Sometimes I swear not an emotional bone in his body... hopefully in time we get it figured out. Is it bad to hope he'll hate the new me and leave this time around? :-/

Although you deleted your opening note, the other replies give a good idea of what's on your mind. Lots of women who are in unhappy marriages stay there because they're afraid of their financial situations and other things. If this is the case for you, think about what you can start doing to gain reasonable financial independence. The more you take charge of the things now, the more options you'll have. It isn't easy, but it can be done.

I don't think it's "bad" to hope your husband will dislike the "new" you enough to leave, but will the New You want to give up so much power? I don't mean "power" in the sense of a battle of the wills, but rather as your own autonomy. His leaving would be the easy way for you, but you'd still have the concerns that are holding you back now.

@@gowalking said it very nicely: "find out how strong you really are."

Biej

@@gowalking @@Miss Mac @@WLSResources/ClothingExch

@@momma_missie what was deleted in your original post????

inquiring minds want to know!!

thanx

kathy