Hi everyone. I'm new on BP and am struggling a bit with everything. I'll just lay out my whole story in one go and hopefully I don't sound too crazy.

I'm 22 and live in Melbourne Australia.

Was sleeved on 19-October-2015 weighing 131kgs or 289 pounds.

I'm 12 weeks and 1 day out and am 102 kgs which makes for a loss of 29kgs or 63 pounds.

I don't feel like I've had a journey like anyone else so far, or at least anyone I've watched or read. After op I was on liquids for 10 days the was able to go on to solids no problems. No puréed food at all. I dropped 10kgs in the first week then have lost a few kilos a week since. I was able to eat more to start off with but now I find I will eat less than a fist sized amount of food a day plus 1-3 litres of water/fluid.

I am always under 500 calories a day, but usually 100-200. I'm never hungry, but crave foods most of the day unless I'm busy. I can't eat more than 4 bites in any sitting and am usually in pain by that point. I find I eat later in the day/night and usually drink Water till about 3pm and will then be peckish. Then I will eat at 7/8pm and then snack before I sleep at about 11 on my worst days. Most days I will skip the 7 or 11 feed for water or ice cubes happily.

I am sick often, probably 5 out of 7 days. So when I eat I do t nessasarily digest that food.

As bad as this sounds I am for the most part happy with that set up. I miss food but could live like this for the rest of my life happily. But I'd like to hear about everyone else.

Now on to my main problems...

I'm terribly unhappy in myself. I don't see the results like other people do. Today I had a 4kg loss from yesterday an was ecstatic, which lasted about 3 minuets. And then back on to being sad.

I'm really lonely.

My op I have chosen to not tell people about except my immediate family who although mean well are not particularly helpful. My family are all obese and my dad intends to be sleeved this year which would be nice to have someone to relate to. My mothers sense of motivation is not terribly helpful, it's a mix of shaming when eating 'bad foods' and trying to help by saying there's no use in being sad about life. My ex husband is emotionally supportive but will give in to my cravings and his, I don't believe this is intentional I think he's just a typical 23yo boy who doesn't think XD.

My daughter is so supportive well past her years. She tells me off if I go to eat unhealthy foods and comforts me when I'm sick, always spreading the love to her mummy. So I'm blessed in that regards and I can't love her enough in gratitude.

To top this all off I have other 'personal' problems at the moment which I fear are holding me back.

As a child I was sexually abused by a family member who is currently on trial which has been long and drawn out. It was ment to finish in November and I was going to have a fresh start in 2016, but a preliminary decision has been appealed and we won't be back in court for trial until April/May. I find this whole debacle to be obviously emotionally trying but unhelpful in my journey.

My daughter is starting school in a few weeks and I'm in tears at the thought of it. I try to not let it show but the loss of our little bond is heartbreaking for me and to be honest I don't entirely know how I'll survive the first week with out her. Silly - I know.

I have a complex relationship with my family, especially because of the trial since it was family members who did this to me and others. I also don't think I can be myself in my family which doesn't really help in this journey to find myself again.

And more than anything, I don't really have any friends. It sounds silly to say, but I am rather alone. Sometimes I just want to talk things through and Idont really have anyone. I have one close friend and his wife who I see regularly, and a few other friends who a talk to through fb and what not on a regular basis but that's it.

I am happy with my loss so far, but just wished I was a normal size for once. My unrealistic visions are probably holding me back the most.

So how about it, anyone else feeling like joining on this crazy train for the ride? Hope everyone is reaching their goals. Good luck xx

Edited January 5, 201610 yr by pickle25

Sorry I have no idea why it says although at the end XD

Hello friend i myself was sleeved in October on the 29th. You have been through so much at your young age. It looks to me like you are doing well in the weight loss department as i have only lost 30lbs and you have far surpassed me. My problem is grazing. I'm terrible about it. I could not imagine how you feel but keep your head up. I would ask why you can only eat 4 bites of something and feel sick tho. I know i'm bad about guessing my portion size. i just can't seem to get that 1/4 - 1/3 cup thing totally down then i think i over eat a smidgen. If you need someone to talk to you can always private message me because it sounds like that's what you need. I'm glad to see another October sleever out there. good luck with your journey and hoping for positive things to come your way

I had heeps or trouble with grazing to start off with too. I found trying to eat ice cubes first or set a goal of I will drink this 150mls first etc, and then trying to only graze on like rice biscuits or the like. To start off with I would end up eating half the pack and then not eating a meal haha. But really once I got focused on getting my Water in or fluids I did so much better. I even schedule my day around water fountains I can fill up at that are nicer tasting.

Thanks, I have been through a lot. Sometimes I just need to remind myself that it is a lot to deal with and it's ok to be a bit down at times. Instead I seem to pretend like this is normal stress and I'm coping poorly which isn't at all true or helpful. I'm a bit self destructive like that.

Let's keep in touch since we're so close in dates. Ill pm you, and thanks for replying

Edited January 5, 201610 yr by pickle25

First I want to thank you for your honesty. As the same time some of what you are going through is very real and very common. The thing that stands out the most to me from your post is that you mentioned you were sexually abused. Did you know that children that sexually abused have a higher chance of being obese. So guess what? There are going to many women BP that have had that experience. Most bariatric patients had or currently emotionally eat. Or as you phrased it have cravings. Again many of the things you are going through are more common than you think. The feeling you are having of loneliness could you share more about that? Is just that you have no support from family? Do you live in an area in which it is hard to connect with others? You have more agency over your life than you realize. I would like to imagine that you made the decision to have the surgery, so that you can be a better you. Some are not going to understand that or even attempt to care, but you did not make the decision for them-- you made it for you.

@@pickle25 - you are a survivor and stronger than you think. You made the decision to have surgery and you are moving on with the abuse situation. I applaud your openness and would give you a big hug if I could to help you get through all of this. kinda hard to hug across the pond though. Come here and post. you got a BIG BP family out here...we are a mess at times too. But there are people here who have survived some of those same situations.

take care, keep in touch and most importantly - don't quit!