I know it sounds crazy, but my family is making feel guilty about getting banded...I feel like this is a cosmetic surgery for me now.... And I in the back of my mind I also know that it may be my only chance to live....Did anyone else struggle with this? any advice would help

"And I in the back of my mind I also know that it may be my only chance to live"

That needs to go to the front of your mind. I don't know what your health is like right now, but the band can help you lose enough weight to cure a lot of co-morbidities, and if you don't have any, it can prevent a lot of them. If you have to, do this without your family's support. A lot of people here have, and once their family sees their progress, they change their minds.

What is your family saying to you?

I think they are mainly concerned about my health, but when I mentioned I had an appt, my sisters (who do not have weight issues) were totally against it. They told me I should just try losing the weight on my own, and I was just looking for an easy way out..My husband just wants me to be happy and healthy, and friends think its crazy. so I think i'll be logging on more offten for support...lol

I think you have to do what is best for you and if your family is not on board, it's truely their lost. This journey or chapter in your life is truely a amazing process. Keep a smile on your face and be happy.

It is time to be the person you were ment to be.

You know what is best for you! You do what you need to do to be a healthier and better you as a person, a mom, a wife and everything else that falls along those lines. I don't think people who havn't had any weight issues really understand what it is like to battle the bulge. I don't think they realize that if it was that easy we wouldn't be here. I was banded 12 days ago and at first my sisters were not understanding but I had to go on and do it for ME! To be honest I am quite happy with my deciscion. Just be educated the best you can to make the best choice for you. I am wishing you all the best and you go girl!!

My family was concerned at first. They though I should just give it "one more try" before I did the surgery. They have seen me struggle ALL my life with weight, and they still don't understand. I told them, The decision is made, theres no talking me out of it, so it's just time to GET ON BOARD. They felt better when I explained that it's the least drastic surgery. I think they were thinking about the gastric bypass and all the risks. The few people outside my family that I have told about my upcomming surgery (aug 23) have been very excited for me. Very supportive which is awesome. I had no idea what to expect. The point is..... It's your life. This is a huge hurdle for all of us, but there is a tool that can help. So why not go for it? Make your life easier. Anyone who doens't see that is just selfish. I know people in my life are comfortable with me being the "fat" sister, co-worker, friend. But I'm not happy being that person, so I've chosen to make the changes. And if a band around my stomach can help me.........why not?

i get banded the 30th by dr. huacuz. My husband gives me no support so i`m doin it for me and you should do the same. i want to be fat free

Seems your family is suffering under some mis-conceptions. #1 this is a quick easy fix NO IT ISN'T, it's a tool. You still have to do the work, work your diet, work your attitude, it's WORK. #2 We're your family, we know what's best for you. HA! How many times have they given you bad advice through the years? (This person would be great for you! This diet will work for you!, etc. etc.) The fact is, you are the best judge of what you NEED. #3 We know who you really are. (meaning your role in this family is the fat person we can dump on) This is rarely addressed straight on. Your misery makes them feel more in control, successful, better than you. Many times they are not conscious of USING YOU. You feel obligated to be the dumping ground because deep down you feel like you deserve it. YOU DON'T DESERVE IT, NO ONE DOES.

Bottom line: This is your time, your chance, your life. Decide to give yourself the gift of this coming year, yes, YEAR. You are investing in yourself, loving yourself, giving yourself a real true LIFE.

I wish you the best, I wish you success, I wish you a happy Snoopy dance!

I understand where you are coming from my family isn't for me getting it either but my husband is and he is really supporting me thru it and what is really going to help out is he is looking in on getting it also. My mom told me the other day that all I needed to do was cut back on eatting and exercise. I have done that, and when I joined Curves I ended up gaining weight. So I am doing to without family also. My husband is really the best/only support person I have and that is why I turned to this site for more help and answers. Good Luck.....

Its definitely not a cosmetic surgery, but many people who are normal weight see it that way. They just cannot imagine what its like to deal w/the daily pain of being obese and the constant worry about your health and future. I'm glad you've decided to come here for support instead.

I see that you're 25 and really my only regret is that I didn't get this surgery earlier. Of course, when I was your age, it wasn't really available (at least not that I know of here in the US) and I'm glad I got it now because the bands are better now and so are the techniques for installing it.

One thing I am happy for also is that I really was 100% sure that I needed this because I have been on so many diets over my lifetime and proven to myself that I really cannot lose to a healthy level and maintain it on my own. Of course, I'm not happy that I beat myself up for the past 10+ years over my 'failures'. I've learned now that the chance that you can take the weight off and keep it off (after being obese) is only like 2%. That is why if any of my children ever got to the point of becomming obese, I would recommend lapband to them instead of dieting without it. I just would hope that they would understand what a gift it is and use it to its full potential (that means following the rules and exercising).

Edited July 1, 201016 yr by adagray

Its definitely not a cosmetic surgery, but many people who are normal weight see it that way. They just cannot imagine what its like to deal w/the daily pain of being obese and the constant worry about your health and future. I'm glad you've decided to come here for support instead.

Ditto.

If your family told you that using insulin for diabetes was the easy way out and you should just try to maintain decent blood sugar levels with no tools except willpower, would you feel guilty?

I'm a little worried after my surgery when it gets out, people will feel like I cheated, but I just won't think about it. I am doing this for me and only me. The only person who I have told and told her not to tell anyone is my mom. She encouraged me, she has been trying to get me to do something for a long time, though I have been dieting and she knows that, but she is happy I am doing it.

I was worried and very emotional when I first considered Lap Band but like you it will help me regain my life and health and it's truly not the easy way out. It's not that simple. But I do think for me this is the best option. My family are supportive but my friends I haven't told yet.

Hey, just so everyone realizes, Jesse started this thread in 7/2007. I looked at some of her more recent posts and she has lost 80 pounds!!! I bet she's not feeling too guilty about that :tt1: :frown: :crying: If I discover an old thread that people are still posting to, I like to look and see how the OP is doing...love it when I see great results like hers!

I think they are mainly concerned about my health, but when I mentioned I had an appt, my sisters (who do not have weight issues) were totally against it. They told me I should just try losing the weight on my own, and I was just looking for an easy way out..My husband just wants me to be happy and healthy, and friends think its crazy. so I think i'll be logging on more offten for support...lol

This is exactly why I have not told anyone except my mother. She and I have a pact that we will not "protect" each other from any news about our health.

When you tell others, who have not done the research that you have, you give them license to advise and intrude. They are not as well informed as you and often not well intentioned.

I understand that we want support, but I believe you should have the strength of your own convictions to do this on your own. Many before you have had this proceedure and it is a proven success. Take heart in this and go foreward. When others try to give you their opinion, simply and directly tell them this is not a subject that is open for discussion.

Best Regards

Hal

I was very lucky to find that everyone I told was and has been remarkably supportive. Really, I think most were relieved for me. In that regard, I have had a wonderful experience.

I did struggle with some guilt from within---and I wonder if that's not what you're really struggling with.

It helps when people around us are supportive, but they can't really manage our feelings--those come from us.

Guilt is kind of a wasted emotion. I think it's realistic to regret that it's come to pass that we require surgery. However, once we've acknowledged that it does, in fact, represent a great solution to a very real problem, there's no need for guilt. Move forward joyfully--truly. This will be such a gift to you. Don't allow your joy to be colored by an emotion that serves no function.