I am really struggling with cross addiction. I am diagnosed bipolar. I was anorexic as a teen and turned into a binge and purger as an adult. I cash paid for the lap band so I didn't go through any psychological evaluation. After the surgery I could no longer use food as a "drug" so I turned to alcohol and it has really messed up my life. My band is now completely empty but I still can eat food and throw up after every meal. I have found that if I drink alcohol I am able to eat more. I don't know why this is but, the fact that I able to eat anything at all motivates the drinking. I feel like the $15,000.00 I spent on the surgery was a deal with the devil. I contacted the Dr. who did the surgery (Dr. Liu) and was told I would have to pay another $15,000.00 cash to have it removed. This was the worst decision of my life. I lost my husband and my dignity all for vanity and a quick fix.

@@shawneedragon it sounds as though you're at a place of real honesty about your addiction to alchol and the effect that has had on your life. That is a starting point to turn it all around. I hope you're able to find the resources you need -- whether that is therapy, a psychiatrist to help with the medication issues so you are not self-medicating, AA meetings -- whatever it takes. Know that you are worthy and deserving of all good things. You can do this. Recovery is hard work and it's something that has to be dealt with every single day, but, as they say, it's one day at a time. Here you are. That's a great first step. Good luck with all. Eating disorder is so dificult to address because, of course, one has to eat -- unlike drug addiction, smoking or alcohol. Take good care of yourself!