So my family is the family that makes every single holiday about food. Since I've mad this lifestyle change on this surgical journey, I've tried to make food just be food, but that's not like most of my family. By Thanksgiving, I will only be about 2 months out, still on puréed food. Due to this, I told them that I don't want to go to the eating portion of thanksgiving, just to come later. They are not happy, and probably won't let me. What do I do?

I don't know whether you have had surgery yet or not, but I will assume from the dates in your post your surgery is in mid- to late-September. Mine is Sept. 11, so I can only say what I have heard from other people.

Many of the people with RNY say that after surgery they have a difficult time even looking at food, or that foods that used to call to them no longer do. By that time, you will also have two months of developing habits and dealing with food. You will probably have been around people eating regular foods, and you will have developed at least the beginnings of ways to cope with that.

If you can avoid the eating portion, you might consider that. Of course, that means you will also miss out on conversations and socializing that goes on over dinner, but that might be a good compromise if you can do it. From your statements, it sounds like that might not be possible.

It is probably obvious, but another thing you can do is bring your own food to eat. That is what I plan on doing. I have a high-Protein chili recipe that I will puree and bring with me with Vitamin Water Zero. I'll eat very slowly, I'll get full, and I will have no more urge to eat (I'm convincing myself of that right now!).

Remember to let whomever is hosting the dinner know about your limitations and needs. If your family is supportive, they won't want you to suffer, and maybe they can brainstorm some things to do to accomodate you.

Hang in there, I'm sure some other people here will have other options for you.

Would pureed turkey and a little gravy to make it slide right down work? You can have a spoon of mashed potatoes or sweet potatoes with it.....that being said, I informed my family I won't be coming at all. Strangely, they weren't too upset-LOL. Oh well, most of them aren't in favor of the surgery anyway.

My surgery was Oct 14. For my thanksgiving I had baked sweet potato (1Tablespoon), mashed potato (1 Tablespoon), and 2 green Beans. I had my Protein shake before we went over and had one with me for later in the evening. my "feast" was special to me because I was only eating protein at the time so I was excited for the few tablespoons of yummies. But it was not actually my source of nutrition for the day. I was VERY limited on how much I could eat and I was happy as could be to just socialize. Christmas we went out to Chinese food, I had basically broth Soup and a few non fried veggies. again it was not my main source of nutrition but I participated enough that people felt okay with me sipping on soup.

hope this helps. Mostly it came down to me being okay with things, attitude is everything.

It's great to hear everybody's thoughts, it really helps me! Thank you!

Edited September 1, 201511 yr by chasingchloee

I, too, am nervous about the holidays. I have amazing family and friends who are helping and planning something else so we are not totally centered around food. We are having a light brunch w/ things I can have and spending the day coming up our Xmas ideas, games, the parade, and focusing on just being together. It won't be easy I am sure and I don't want to take the day from them either, but they are making sure I can be part of it w/out feeling the food stress either. If your family can't be supportive then maybe come up an alternative plan...a day trip hiking, shopping, or doing something else you love- for you! This is a huge step and having a support system is vital!! I will keep positive thoughts for you and hope your family is able to come to an agreement to make you feel comfortable!

@dancingqueene...what a great plan for Thanksgiving! Enjoy every moment of the love and support of your friends and family. You'll do great!

@chasingchloee....I betting the first one is going to be the hardest and then it will get easier and easier. You've got this!

@@dancingqueene those are great ideas! Wow! I'm going to tell my family about these!!Thank you! And thank you all for the encouragement. Because I'm 18, I don't know many people to talk to about this. I'm so blessed to have found this app.

Edited September 2, 201511 yr by chasingchloee

@chasingchlolee- what a brave life changing experience you are going through at your your age....I commend you for taking such a leap of faith!! Keep your chin high, love yourself, and it's ok to say NO when it's something you don't want to do that you aren't ready for. We are always here!! I've battled my eating disorder since I was a little girl..and I mean little- but this site has been a saving grace the past few months as I prepare for my surgery.

Most families Celebrate holidays with large quintiles of special food. I'm the family chef and a retired professional chef. I had my bypass 8/20/15. I will be cooking for 20+ family & friends on Thanksgiving as I do every year. I'm still excited to do so and already working on the menu in my head. I'll have a small portion of whatever I'm allowed to eat and maybe cheat a little. You might want to bring a mini food processor and puree your own meal with turkey, gravy & stuffing so you can enjoy your meal with your family.

So my family is the family that makes every single holiday about food. Since I've mad this lifestyle change on this surgical journey, I've tried to make food just be food, but that's not like most of my family. By Thanksgiving, I will only be about 2 months out, still on puréed food. Due to this, I told them that I don't want to go to the eating portion of thanksgiving, just to come later. They are not happy, and probably won't let me. What do I do?

At 8 weeks post op you will likely be on soft foods vs. puréed foods. This means you could have some turkey in very small burped with gravy to help it slide down.

You could also have a small amount of vegetable and even a bite of either sweet potatoes (if they are not all covered in marshmallow or sugar) or mashed potatoes.

Here's the thing, you will find that at this stage a couple of bites and you will be done. Have those bites over 20 to 30 minutes and thanksgiving becomes about just enjoying family and friends.

Last year I was at exactly the same spot, 8 weeks post op at thanksgiving and I am the chief cook in the family. Which was funny because at that stage had I been tasting as one does when they cook I would have gotten sick.

I had to keep calling my son and husband to taste to make sure I had the right seasonings! I was able to eat literally just a few bites of turkey and some green Beans. It was absolutely delicious and it felt like thanksgiving to me. I also tasted a bite of pumpkin pie without the crust of course. I found at that stage it was too sweet for me and did not enjoy the flavor at all.

Congratulations on taking steps to get healthy! I so wish I would have done this when I was younger! It is my one regret.

Instead of you dealing with damage to your body from being obese your body should bounce back very nicely!

I look forward to seeing your progress! Good luck!

I agree with @@dancingqueene!! @@chasingchloee first and foremost I would say put yourself first. You have to take care of you because no one else is. I know I know easier said than done. It is awesome that you have set out on this journey so you are already learning to put yourself first.

My choices are not necessarily your choice or options. My Gastric Bypass surgery is 6 October and I will still be in mushy foods at Thanksgiving. I told my family that if I am having trouble with the smells of food making me hungry at that time I will not be attending Thanksgiving. Everything I have read and everyone on here seems to indicate that the first six months or so are easier because you don't get hungry. That doesn't mean you don't get head hunger though. If I attend Thanksgiving, and I do plan to, I will have a plan in place to TRY to deal with hunger (from the head or real). I plan to have my walking shoes with me and just go for a walk with some nice relaxing music to listen to if no one else wants to go. I will also take a book on my Kindle and go sit on the porch while they are eating if necessary. My wife initially said you can't do Thanksgiving that soon after surgery so we just won't go. As you see I have support if I need it. Have a friend you can call to talk to if your family is not supportive and you are struggling during the holiday. Most of all Good luck in your journey.

@395Ron...great ideas as well!! Yes, head hunger is much harder than real hunger. That is my fear as well, since being in recovery from an eating disorder as well. But...we can all do this!! We have amazing support here and thankfully in our everyday lives as well for many of us. This site has been a saving grace for me in so many ways!!

I agree with @djmohr. I had a July 4th party at my house only 1 month after surgery. The head hunger wasn't really that bad and I made sure there were a couple of things I could eat and had my protein shake before everyone got here. I would just encourage you not to shut yourself out of celebrations. I promise you that you will have more resolve than you realize and it won't be as much of a battle as you think.

Most people at Thanksgiving table will be more focused on their plate of food than yours. Sit at the table and enjoy the conversation. Drink a Protein shake and just inform them if they ask that your diet restricts you from eating this year.

I so wish I would have made this decision when I was 18. I missed out on so many adventures because of low self esteem or physically not being able to do it. I am 30 just starting the process. My family is also 100% about food. Almost all of my family has a food problem. I'm really worried about Thanksgiving too. We also have family night every Tuesday where we get together and eat together. Every get together is planned around a meal. Good luck on your journey!!