You know your a bandster when.....
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* I have a date does not mean your going out.
*You have baby food in the house and no baby.
* "I'm a loser" is a good thing.
* All of your silverware says Gerber.
* "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death.
* New clothes fall off in a month.
* You get excited about hand me downs.
* The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says, "One at a time please".
* Getting wrinkles is a good thing.
* "Just Water for me please".
* Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing.
* You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy.
* When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.
* When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.
* Other women are calling you "bitch" behind your back.
* When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't belong there".
* When you really don't have a thing to wear.
* You have to prove you are the person on the driver’s license.
* You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.
* You want to hug everyone fat and hand him or her your surgeon’s card.
* You are never parted from a bottle of water
* When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal.
* Being too small for your britches.
* When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.
* When you got to the mall a take the first available space instead of circling 20 min. for one closer
* You truly are a "cheap date".
* When one drink makes you flipping floozy!
* When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound.
* You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.
* Vitamins feel like a meal.
* You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast reduction.
* You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?"
* You can cross your legs... both of them
* Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra
* When your obsession from food turns to your scale.
* They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a turnstile.
* No more Velcro shoes
* "Checking for leaks" no longer includes your panties
* When your Stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables
* Your mother says, "You don't eat enough"
* Having sex your husband complains that your hipbones are poking him.
* You can wear corduroy pants without igniting a fire
* When you wave and your upper arms wave back
* You safety pin your underwear
* Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny mistress
* Cannot blame the cat for shedding
* Cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card
* The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god. Did he die??
Thought some of you could use a laugh!!