Ah, me. I thought I was above this sort of thing. I thought it wouldn't bother me.

A co-worker introduced me to another person working in our prison. It's a big place, we don't know each other, but Craig was up to one of his little jokes.

Carol works up front, and I never go to the office so I never see those folks, I'm in the trenches, helping the prisoners cook, and serve the meals.

Craig, my co-worker, tells Carol that I'm going to have the Band Surgery. She doesn't know me. Yet she takes it upon herself to tell me that if I had any self control or will power I could do it without the crutch. It was a longer conversation than it needed to be, because I didn't shut her down. I didn't argue with her either. She's entitled to her opinion. Still a free country and all that.

What she thinks of me is none of my business, after all they are HER thoughts.

Craig knows this woman. He knew how she would react when he told her that. He's a coworker, not a friend, obviously, and he likes these little mind games.

But why would this woman, a total stranger, attack me so? Why? Who gained in this little exercise.

I know why her words hurt so much. After all isn't what she said what I've been telling myself for most of my life? Wasn't she just repeating what that secret little voice hiding deep within my own dark recesses was whispering to my inner ear? Your weak. You'll fail, again. Because you're weak. If you were a real man you'd do it on your own, cold turkey. You'd give up all food and live on sunshine and Water like a tree. An oak tree. But no, you're weak, doughy, without spine, or resolve.

Yes she woke the whiner within, and his voice is clear and strong. It drowns out all others.

What she did was terrible. But the real crime here was that I let it get to me. I thought I was better than that. Now I attack myself for this, viewing it as weakness.

Well, at least she didn't tell me I wasn't all THAT fat, or point out others in my boat. Give me a little time, I'll not carry her around any longer than I must, I've got enough to deal with without her.

There, now I feel better.

Ryan, I laugh in her face! Don't be mad at her or hurt, because it's obvious she's the weak one. She lashed out at you to cover her own jealousy and insecurities. People that are ignorant, weak and lack confidence always tend to cut down those of us who are making improvements. It's intimidating to see someone else's success when you have no growth of your own. Turn the conversation around and take it as a huge compliment, because what she was really trying to say is, "you have what I want, and I'm jealous of you."

She's an ignorant woman that knows nothing of addiction... she shouldn't be working around criminals since many suffer addictive personalites. We eat knowing we'll get fat, they commit crimes knowing they'll go to jail. Nobody wants to be fat, and nobody wants to go to jail.

you can not take comments personally from other people with poor up bringing-you go, do what you need to, for YOU, no one else and the only one who will receive the rewards- is you! physically, mentally and emotionally--how good could that be! and that WOMAN- well she'll still be the same miserable gal with the bad upbringing--you only get raised once---YOU GO we're all here for you now NO MORE WHINING!!!!!!!!

Thanks Lisa for that advice to Ryan..it hit home with me. One of the women that works for me at the restaraunt is always putting in her negative 2 cents worth when it comes to my band, she is the only one who has never complimented me or given me any encouragement..I now know why after reading your post. It makes so much sense now.. because now she is the biggest of all of us women who work together, as hard as she tries to control her eating and starts a new exercise or diet routine every week she always is starting over. It makes perfect sense as to why she is always so negative towards the band and my weight loss, she is forever making comments that she could never do it cuz she likes her beer and could never give it up and she HAS to drink during a meal and all I say to her is "you must not want to be thin and healthy bad enough to make the needed sacrafices" it is obvious she can not do it on her own seeing how she self desrtucts every week even though she is the one who tells me all you have to do is eat less and exercise more and you will lose weight. I tell her "if it were that easy, there would be NO obese people in this world and they would of never invented the Lap Band or the Bypass and you wouldnt be starting a new diet & exercise routine every Monday morning" shuts her up every time ( well until the next time)

I feel so much better after reading your post Lisa..every time she starts in on me I will remember what you said.

What I wrote explains why I stay at my firm instead of getting a higher paying job. I already turned down an offer for more money elsewhere because I refuse to work for a big company. The more people, the more back-stabbing, malicious, life-destroying gossip there is (been there, done that.) I'm in a cozy old office now with only 9

co-workers, and none of them bug me (except Erin constantly parading food around me.) But there are nasty people around every corner that don't want you to succeed. Careful, a lot of them are in-laws! I learned a secret a long time ago. Anytime somebody hurts you, or there's somebody you really think you hate, try praying for them for a week. Ask for them to receive all the love, support, happiness, money, etc. that you'd want for yourself. It gags you at first, but within a couple days you tend to rise above the nonsense.

Ryan: My heart goes out to you. You have suffered at the mouth of a stupid woman. Next time this happens just look her in the eye and offer her a doughnut. Tell her it is her last meal. She will shut up so fast. LOL!! Then politely walk away. Her words can only hurt you if you LET them. I had to suffer those types of slings and arrows all my life. Then when I decided to get the band I had to defend my decision to everyone. I then decided it was time to STOP doing that. I politely told everyone, "This is what I have to do for ME not YOU. This will help ME become healthier and live longer. If you do not want this for me then you truly do not care about me and therefore I do not want nor need you in my life." Shuts them up everytime. LOL!! I have lived my entire life thinking my worth was what everyone else told me it was by the way they talked to me. I did it in my marriage and in my teen years. After my divorce, a good friend of mine told me something that opened my eyes. She said, "Learn to love yourself first. Then everything else will fall into place." It was so true. Even when I was more obese than I am now I still loved myself. I just did not like the package it was in. LOL!!

Anyway, you are a special person and you are loved. NO one can take that feeling of LOVE away from you unless you LET them. SO STOP LETTING THEM!!!!

We have all been there at some time or another. I started looking into surgery 2 years ago but gave up because of the people in my life. Then one day I woke up got on the scale, which I hadn't did in awhile. And oh my gosh 280 pounds. I lost it, I couldn't believe that I weighed more than most football players. I went to work and all I could think of was what that scale had said. I cried all day, I mean all day.

Everyone at work knew that I had wanted the surgery 2 years before and they all gave me the reasons that I didn't need it, they loved me the way I was, the risk, all the horror stories. My boss and a co-worker said they would work out with me. We joined curves, I went for awhile but no success, you have to watch what you eat and work out. Well I did, I worked out went home and watched the cupboard clean out from the snacks that I ate from it. I watched the desserts and everything else, but I was watching what I ate and exercising. I quit!! I had, had it. Back on the scale 286, I got back on the internet and starting reading more and more about the surgery's. I found a doctor in Mexico and my date was set.

My boss who was originally against the surgery 2 yrs before confided in me that she knew that this was something that I really needed to do. And she was there for me if I ever needed her support. I told her that I was concerned about how my family and friends would react. They had all said such negative things in the past. She said Kathy you have to do this for you and no one else. She said the ones that are not supportive are only jealous that you may succeed and be a stronger, healthier person. This is so true, you will know the difference between the ones that truly care and the ones that are just so jealous of your strength to face this.

Then I found LapbandTalk and all of you wonderful people, and there was no turning back. Donali answered my first post. Then the daring Delarla (Lisa) who had just had the surgery herself, and there were others. They were all the support that I needed no jealousy here. I would read their letters and show my family to reassure them. That was all they needed too.

Just remember it is all about you. The risk of being overweight way out weighs the risk of the surgery.

As you always post:

It's never too late to become what you might have been.

Kathy

Dr. Lopez

5/21/2004

Craig, my co-worker, tells Carol that I'm going to have the Band Surgery. She doesn't know me. Yet she takes it upon herself to tell me that if I had any self control or will power I could do it without the crutch. It was a longer conversation than it needed to be, because I didn't shut her down. I didn't argue with her either. She's entitled to her opinion. Still a free country and all that.

Reason God gave us two ears Whipple.. In one out the other..

And now that I have composed myself, dried my eyes, and cheeks, and changed my shirt. And now that I have put my dear Patty to bed where she sleeps and dreams of happier times to come. But also where she won't see her husband weep like a child as he reads and answers these posts.

Now. Now I can answer.

Part of me didn't want to. Part of me just wanted to sit here, and bask in this warm and friendly glow from the screen. But, such support, such noble intentions, deserve, demand, some sort of response.

Thank you. As I said in a PM to someone: On a day like this, when everything in my life sucks (but the vacuum, it's broken) here you all are. When I looked outside it was dark, yet when I opened my eyes in LBTland, the sun was shining, and it had so many names. I am filled with tears of quiet joy.

I am so blessed.

Of course I'm getting banded. I start my liquid diet tomorrow. Fourteen days from now I will have taken a step, crossed a river, turned down a glass, burned my most important bridge. I know I will succeed.

But.

If I did fail, just if, I would still carry a huge positive feeling away from this whole experience. The people here at LBT. I never knew I could feel this way.

All of your posts, so supportive, so wonderful. I have been a loner for so much of my life. Doing it the hard way, toughing it out, going it alone. I hope I never do anything to offend any of you ever. You deserve to be treated like Queens and Kings.

You are royalty.

I am so humbled, and so honored. I don't think I could treasure anything more than the priviledge of knowing all of you.

You make me realize a great truth. What wonders the average person could perform if they had someone who only told them "you can do it". So powerful are those words.

Thank you. I can do it. And you can do it, too. My pain of that moment the other day has been obliterated by awe and wonder, and warmth.

For all you are, for all of you, for all you do, I say:

Thank you.

"Thank you. As I said in a PM to someone: On a day like this, when everything in my life sucks (but the vacuum, it's broken)..."

O M G... I tried laughing over this line but sad tears came out the same time, but the kind of sad that's so pathetic that it's actually funny. Ryan, this line goes down in the books!

Now buck up, Buckaroo, you're just a kid like the rest of us, so you deserve to laugh and be happy.

Ryan - Smile, the world is on your side! Start counting the days to a brighter tomorrow.

Ryan, I missed your post earlier and just read everything tonight. I totally agree with everthing everyone said. Most importantly, you realize that you are doing the right thing. We all realize that about ourself and our journey in this lapband process.

You are my November lapband Brother -- I join the others in defending your honor and worth!!!!! I am so glad you are so close to your surgery. I will keep you close in thought and prayer. I am just two weeks behind you and consider you one of the leaders on this board I admire.

I am so glad your wife is home. I hope everything went well for her. I have been thinking about her and was hoping you would post on her successful trip and surgery. I will continue to pray for her healing as well.

You start looking at the catalogs for your new "smaller" leathers for next year while you are sipping your delicous hot broth preparing for your surgery. I will probably be sorting through quilting patterns as I sip mine. :-)

You touch my heart with every post -- many on this site do. I agree so strongly with you that everyone here is such a blessing -- a royal blessing -- kings and queens...but there is only one tiara and she wears it so beautifully!!!!!

Ryan, you go on with your positive journey, hold that beautiful head high, continue to lead a life filled with positive, loving energy. We will be continuing to watch for your light to fill our computer screens. YOU ROCK!!!

By the way my vaccuum just broke too. :-] Ha Ha. That is a classic line.

Till next time brother, Theresa Marie