Hi! My story begins as far back as I can remember. I have always been fat and felt horrible about it. Even as a 3 and 4 year old child, I can remember hating being bigger than my friends. That has continued to be the theme of my life, but only on the inside. I never let anyone know what is truly going with me, not even the people that I am closest to. Saying these things on here now is the equivalent of running through the halls of my work naked. I don't know why I can't express myself openly. I have a wonderful husband of 21 years and three awesome daughters. They all think I'm the most confident and outgoing person but really on the inside I feel anything but that.

I went on my first real diet when I was 11-12 years old. I lost about 70 pounds, down to 165. Of course, I gained it all back and them some. I graduated high school weighing about 260. I went to college and I'm sure you can guess how that went. I endured about a year and a half but that was all I could stand. I got a job and rented a place in my hometown. A year later I married my high school sweetheart. We began our life together, while all the time I was carrying these feelings of insecurity and hate for myself. I continued to lose and gain the same 50-75 pounds every year or two. Always adding some extra (as punishment, I guess). The last couple of years I had gotten up to 309 pounds and I was throughly disgusted with myself and the way I look and my repeated failure to lose this weight. In April of 2014 I decided to look into having this surgery. I did some research on the internet and found the two places that was an option for me to have the surgery. I went to both of their seminars and decided on the one that was right for me. I had to do a 6 month Dr. supervised weight loss plan for my insurance before anything else could be done. So I began that the last week of May. I did great on the diet. The diet pills worked for 5 months. In October I was down to 237 but in November I was already back to 241. I was finished with the 6 months then and I didn't go back. I began trying to get everything together to see the surgeon. I finally got an appointment on February 20, 2015. Everything went great. He said I was a perfect candidate for the surgery and he set a date for March 23. Someone in the office obviously dropped the ball with getting the info needed to move forward. Paper had to be refilled out and everything had to be done twice or even three times. I had to search down three years of Dr.'s notes with my weight on them. The only thing I ever go to the Dr. for is my blood pressure because they weigh you for everything else and all of those nurses make fun of you and tell your business even though they are not supposed to do that. Anyway, it was quite difficult finding my weight recorded on a chart but finally, I got it all together and was approved the same day that the info was submitted. My surgery is scheduled for May 12 and today is the first day of the liquid diet. I'm now at 284.2 as of this morning. I can't believe I have done this again. I told myself I wasn't going to gain it back this time but here I am again in the same situation. Hating myself even more. I can't wait till Tuesday. I'm so ready to get this done. I haven't told anyone about the surgery except my husband and daughters. I don't think anyone will understand why I have come to this decision. I also live in a really small town and I think people will enjoy discussing my business instead of tending to their own.

I know God has a plan for me and He wouldn't have led me here if He wasn't going to see me through. Thanks for reading my story! I'll keep y'all updated. Please pray for me.

Edited May 7, 201511 yr by ReadyFourChange

Do you know why you overeat, or eat the wrong things? Don't feel ashamed that you've regained some weight - if we could keep losing and keep it off without surgery we all would have done that by now!

But if you don't figure out why you are overweight it will be harder after surgery. I've been seeing a therapist for 2 yrs working on this very thing, hoping I'd then be able to lose weight on my own. Now I feel I have a good handle on the emotional stuff but need the physical tool of the bypass for the rest.

Good luck!

Your story borne my heart. I to have been large my entire life. I was cruelly mocked and when I tried to talk to my parents I was given a "suck it up" type of attitude. My mother told me that I had a pretty face. If I would lose some weight, I would be beautiful.

I look back and, while my mother didn't phrase it in a supportive way, she was concerned. She was quite large and had some food issues of her own. I know that she hated the pain I was going through, but didn't know how to help me.

It wasn't until I was an adult that I learned that a woman could be large and attractive. Once I learned this my life got much better. I learned that by taking the time to choose clothing carefully, take pride in my appearance I had people telling me I looked nice, rather than mock me. I am proud of who I am.

The problems are with my health, something that really hit me when my husband passed away. I saw how hard it was for my grandchildren and didn't want to be the cause of that kind of grief so I decided to take matters into my own hands and fix the problem.

I know it's hard to have a strong sense of worth when you have a weight problem, but don't let you weight define you and don't let it keep you from your doctor. Trust me, no one is laughing at your weight problem. They are there to help you get better. If they are then they need to find a new line of work.

Prayers for you!! It is a hard journey to be sure but it will be worth it. I had my surgery Wednesday the 6th of May and am excited and nervous and a whole bunch of other emotions I haven't even named yet.