Eating off plan-ok, cheating- 5 days post op

[justbeingme1972 27]

I have issues with food, I do. I had surgery on Sat.. On Wed.,I tried to eat roast beef. I threw up. I tried to eat it again, after which it felt like the food was oscillating between my esophagus and pouch for, like, 45 minutes to an hour. Seriously, a huge lump waning to and fro. So effing uncomfortable. Think that would deter me the next day? No ma'am. Until 5 pm I consumed nothing but Clear liquids. After 5 I fell off the wagon I tried eating some chips, which I got away with without feeling too uncomfortable. Then I engaged in an old eating behavior; when, I'd self-restrict during the day, I would wake up in the middle of the night to eat. I tried that last night with chips and 1 extremely small sip of Fresca. BAD IDEA!!! I immediately experienced the most terrible stomach pains and this morning my digestive system is feeling rode hard and put away--you get the idea.

As an aside, my sleeve was reinforced with both staples and sutures, so the likelihood that it will bust is minimal, unless, of course I do something drastic. I mean I hate that I even chance it at all. Right now I am realizing that while the physical part of me that contributed to my overeating has changed, my relationship with food remains and is still in need of repair.

Thanks for listening.

Edited May 1, 2015 by justbeingmejosie

[Miss Mac 6,261]

Your new tummy is now the boss of you. It is the parent and you are the child. Go to YouTube and watch a video of your type of surgery to remind yourself of how brutalized your stomach is right now. It is an internal organ - vital for your survival - not a picnic basket. Please, please stop and be strong.

The liquid stage will pass soon enough. Would you give roast beef, chips, and pop to a newborn baby? Of course not. Its little baby tummy can't handle that stuff yet. Well, neither can you right now and your tummy is trying to communicate that to you. Take care of it and it will take care of you. Now, young lady.......you behave today. Hugs from Chicago.

[KingMoose 238]

It sometimes will be a daily mental and emotional battle! One that you will have to win! You are in charge of your mind and body, not food or your cravings! Set your mind to staying on track, don't give in to the temptations. You are just a week out and you are trying to force real food down? Not a good idea! You should be on full liquids only at this point. You have a chance to change all of the unhealthy ways that got you to where you were at. Do not go back to old habits and expect things to be different now, you have to work hard at staying on the plan, it works.

Today get back on the wagon and next time s craving hits remind yourself how bad it felt the last time you indulged. You can do it, you are stronger than the cravings.

[Rogofulm 2,440]

Why are you eating off plan? Think about why you had surgery in the first place. To stop the madness, right? Please take advantage of this wonderful opportunity to change your relationship with food. If I may be so bold, it sounds like you could use a professional counselor to help you get to the bottom of this. In the meantime, make a decision right now to start following all the rules. If you do, I promise it will change your life for the better. And once you detox from all the crap you've been putting in your system, it get so much easier. Good luck, I wish you all the success in the world, but you'll need to put in the work to make it happen.

[deedadumble 1,033]

This is not just eating off plan or going off a diet, this is self-harming behavior. It's the same thing as if you had an open wound on your arm and were pouring crap into it.

If you have a therapist, you need to get in to see them. If you don't, you need to get one today.

[JamieLogical 8,684]

I agree with the other poster who said this is outright self-harm. You can do real, serious damage to yourself trying to eat solid foods this soon after surgery. You risk opening your stomach along your staple line before it's had a chance to heal. You REALLY need to pull it together and talk to your surgical team immediately.

[justbeingme1972 27]

Thanks, and of course I have a therapist, and I plan to fully disclose at our appt on Tues (first time I will see her since the surgery). I don't think I could talk about it so freely if I didn't. I mean, look, I'm not talking about like a large amount of food here. And, I mean, it's not like I can be the first person experiencing this, right?!

Also, don't worry about me physically because I totally would never let myself get that out of control. Right, though I get what ya'll are saying, and thank you for your concern.

[JamieLogical 8,684]

Just so you know, I was told no chips or anything crispy until THREE MONTHS post-op because the sharp bits could damage my stomach. And here you are eating them more like three DAYS post-op. It's just really scary that you would put yourself at risk like that. I am glad you are going to talk to your therapist. You need to take care of yourself!

[justbeingme1972 27]

Just so you know, I was told no chips or anything crispy until THREE MONTHS post-op because the sharp bits could damage my stomach. And here you are eating them more like three DAYS post-op. It's just really scary that you would put yourself at risk like that. I am glad you are going to talk to your therapist. You need to take care of yourself!

I appreciate that. I understand the urgency in what you're saying and plan to abstain. Thanks for the advice

[Debbieduck4 399]

I think it's really brave of you to be so honest and reach out here! Thank you for just saying the truth of what is going on with you. People are responding with genuine concern because you are one of our own now... we all relate to wanting to eat like we used to, but girl you already know, you can literally damage, injure, hurt yourself. I'm so glad to hear that you're talking to a counselor. You mentioned in your post that your "sleeve was reinforced with both staples and sutures so the likelihood that it will bust is minimal, unless of course I do something drastic." I think this might be where the trouble is, it's in this thinking that you can't hurt your sleeve or that eating chips, carbonated beverages, or stringy meat 4 days after you've had most of your stomach removed isn't drastic. It is! And you can and will rip out your staple/suture line. Please be careful... we care here and want you to be successful. Remember why you chose to have the surgery and give it a chance to work. It won't if you don't follow the post-up steps. They don't last long and before you know it you will be back to eating all your old favorites again. (just in smaller quantities) Best of luck and keep us posted on your progress!

[chubbsey1 126]

Wow!

[purrfctangel 239]

Some people have an actual addiction to food, like alcohol or heroin. The problem is you still need food. There are nutritionists as well as therapists that specialize in eating disorders. I hope they are near you. Please don't sabotage yourself. You are worth this life change!

[Gladys62 64]

I have said lately that I had the wrong part of myself "fixed". It's my HEAD that needed work not my stomach. But I am learning. I had the head-hunger too at first but was scared to cheat. Good thing because within two weeks problems began to arise. The doctor rubbed against my diaphragm which damaged my lung and then he refused to give me medicine for acid. The lung ordeal was horrifying and when it was finally over (3 weeks later in and out of hospitals) my family doc realized my acid was out of control. By the time I got into a GI specialist I was so swollen and damaged from acid he couldn't get the scope in my pouch at all! I did not eat any solids from surgery day (12/29/14) until about a month ago when my hero GI doc got me on amazing meds.

Please please please fight those urges!! It is no fun to suffer and you CAN cause damage! I still have to be scoped to check the status of the stitches! It's a reaction in your head. Recognize it as evil and distract yourself!!!

I can actually walk a half mile now! Before surgery I walked 2-3 daily! Until recently 100-200 feet was my limit from weakness. 70 pounds lighter I can only do a half mile. I got SICK because of the doctor I had to use! Sounds like you don't have a bad doctor. Don't risk yourself!!!

[LivingFree! 478]

I think most of us can relate to how "addicted" we are (or were) to food (and especially carby junk food). Why else would we all have resorted to surgery? And it looks like you DO totally hear what the other poster are saying about the harm you can do to yourself by not following your post-surgery Bariatric Eating plan closely, especially during the first six months of healing.

Please be gentle with yourself, but also think about maybe prioritizing having a long talk with yourself about what your actual, real, in-writing PLAN is going to be to change your old eating habits and creae the NEW eating habits and lifestyle that will be what you do FOREVER. This surgery gives you this awesome gift to be free from having to be on "diets" for the rest of your life and being a slave to the scale for the rest of your life IF you take control NOW to CHOOSE to take responsibility for yourself and your eating. Is it easy? Not for a minute. It is hard, hard, work. But it is so worth it.

You can change your thinking to use food as medicine and fuel for your body, not as your stress-reliever, your friend, your reason to Celebrate, etc. Once your brain and your body truly get used to eating good, nutritious food they know what to do to keep your hunger/appetite and your weight in proper balance. When you have consistently/continuously practiced that, it gets a lot easier. (It really takes about that first year to really break all those old habits and get comfortable with new eating). Will you be perfect? No. The difference is you don't have to think of yourself as a guilty person who is "cheating" anymore if you have an occasional cookie (for instance) after that first year, because what you do normally on a daily basis is eat healthfully. Still have to work at it? Yep, every day...

Hope your therapist will guide you to a good starting point. Maybe you can also discuss/ask about or search on your own about mindful eating. There are a lot of books and online programs available on the subject.

Be healthy and wise.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

As an aside, my sleeve was reinforced with both staples and sutures, so the likelihood that it will bust is minimal, unless, of course I do something drastic.

How much more drastic? You think what you're doing isn't pretty extreme? Interesting.

Leaks happen. Infections happen. Missing your biggest weight loss window happens.

You are going to be really angry with yourself if you don't make this surgery a success. Aren't you worth better than this?