My ex-roommate and "friend" says the following to me yesterday. "Don't get me wrong, you're pretty, but you'd be much prettier if you'd lose weight."

Out of NOWHERE!

0_o

The fact that she is about 4'11 and weighs 115 pounds made it sting even more! WHY do people feel the need to say hateful "compliments". I did not ask for her opinion. It was just straight out rude. Maybe I'm just sensitive, but I would never say something like that to someone. I understand being concerned for someone's health, even then it's rude to just bring it on yourself to speak on someone else's health, But for her to say that based strictly on how much better I would look really pissed me off.

RUDE.

Ahhh where is the Jerk Whisperer when you need her??

I used to have a very large, very morbidly obese great Aunt that used to say things like this. It was so hard to bite my tongue around her. She apparently used to say things like this to my mom when she was a kid as well. My mother used to tell me not to pay her any attention because her comments are coming from her own low self esteem and insecurities. If a peer said this to me though I would definitely let them have it!!!

Wow, it’s amazing how people can talk and hurt people so effortlessly. I’m sorry you (and all of us) have had these experiences.

The way I try to approach these types of situations is to think about it logically – not easy in the moment, but maybe after a day or two when you’ve cooled down. First I ask myself whether the person really meant to be mean. If they did, that’s enough. Why would I want to be friends with a mean person or care what they think?

If it’s a friend or family member who I know didn’t mean to be mean, I try to figure out what to say. Maybe they honestly didn’t realize what they said was mean? Maybe they didn’t realize it would hurt me so much? I might try to explain my point of view to them, and even find out what they were thinking. Sometimes – not always – it’s just a question of thoughtlessness. They just didn’t realize.

It’s hard to look at it rationally, but it can be helpful. You can even open the door to some meaningful conversations.

Unfortunately, I've heard this numerous times. Such a pretty face .......

I actually was doing a diet, Ideal Protien, very similar to our diet the administrator who weighs you weekly and helps you along told me this.

Your going to do so much better at your job when your skinny. WOW!! That one stung. I waited a week to process and told her I'm excellent at my job now just so you know! Most normal humans know women do come in many sexy sizes. That was our last visit

@@Moremarilynthenbarbie

Your diet person might have been talking promotion wise / people taking you seriously. I know in healthcare I'm received completely differently after weight loss than I was before - and I'm not any smarter or more competent than I was then.

@@tiffanymarie6997

Your friend might be frightened - because you are gorgeous. Just saying.

I would have to follow @@BLERDgirl and let your friend know that she is coming across as incredibly rude - a true friend wouldn't let her continue to put her foot in her mouth like that; what if it caused others to think less of her?

@@Moremarilynthenbarbie re: the work thing, the fact is that it's true.

The professional world is all about perceptions. Often a person's appearance is one of the only things that others really have to go on.

The good news is that there is a very good chance that you WILL find that you are better received and/or even respected more (which is likely deserved).

Try not to be offended and just enjoy this added benefit of weight loss.

@@Moremarilynthenbarbie

Your diet person might have been talking promotion wise / people taking you seriously. I know in healthcare I'm received completely differently after weight loss than I was before - and I'm not any smarter or more competent than I was then.

.......

@@Moremarilynthenbarbie re: the work thing, the fact is that it's true.

The professional world is all about perceptions. Often a person's appearance is one of the only things that others really have to go on.

The good news is that there is a very good chance that you WILL find that you are better received and/or even respected more (which is likely deserved).

Try not to be offended and just enjoy this added benefit of weight loss.

See I think this is BS and everyone who has experienced it *should* be offended. The fact that you are a larger person has NOTHING to do with your intelligence. Yes I realize it happens but we don't accept prejudice because of the color of someone's skin, or their sexual orientation, why on earth should we accept it because of our weight?

Taking offense isn't going to change it. Not to mention that 99.9% of it is being done unconsciously.

I didn't say it was right. What I am saying is that it is what it is.

So I'm going to be the one (and maybe not one!) who says "let's do something with this" and try to get some good out of it...can there be good? I think so. Let's look at ourselves, have we ever said a similar thing? Thought it? We probably all have, not necessarily to an overweight person, but about a perceived flaw that someone has/shows.... I am really starting to analyze what I think (especially the spur of the moment thought) when I see/hear/experience something that isn't "right". Why did I just think that nasty thought? Who am I to judge that? I MUST find something better to do with my time!!!!!!

Now I am trying to focus on the positive side, "You sure look nice in that color", "where did you learn THAT skill? I wish I could do that"..... Especially when I have found something negative to zero in on, I am trying to turn it around....my thinking, that is, so I hopefully can turn my "holier than thou" attitude into something that will make me feel good when I go to sleep at night, and have to face myself in the morning.

I choose not to be offended by ignorance. Those people are that way forever. I only have to tolerate them for moments.

Taking offense isn't going to change it. Not to mention that 99.9% of it is being done unconsciously.

I didn't say it was right. What I am saying is that it is what it is.

I'm not talking about taking offense, I'm talking about not accepting it. That's how change happens. When people told women they could vote because women lacked the intelligence or were too emotional or whatever else BS women rose up and proved them wrong. I refuse to accept unjust treatment as "what it is" ever. Unconscious prejudice is still prejudice. If you want and feel you deserve respect you ave to let people know when they do something that's not okay. In this case, I would definitely have let that person know she was being rude. Otherwise people just go on offending. I just happen to believe that many more will take it as a learning opportunity and correct themselves.

So I felt the need to stick my 2 cents in also I have heard this so many times through out my life. I remember when I was a young girl...and I was not overweight in fact I was slightly underweight, and certain friends families would try to "fatten" me up. OK it only took a few kids and couple of hormone changes to fix that problem.

These "well meaning" people can be so hurtful and they don't realize what their words do to another person. I have spent the last 20 years thinking how I didn't appreciate being thin when I was..and trying to be that way again..and then I woke up one day and said you know I am me. No matter what I am pretty, I am smart, and I am perfect because I am me!!

It is true that there are things and people that can make me act ugly... but I will never BE ugly. I heard my Mother in Law the current one tell me that people that have a pretty face are often obese..I almost fell to the floor but then remembered she suffers from foot in mouth disease and I just laughed and said I guess you don't have to worry about that problem then. She didn't get it and I just kept smiling.

Yes, being told that I'm "pretty for a big girl" has been all throughout my life, which is a backhanded compliment but I'm used to this from STRANGERS. It's just not often that my "friends" make statements like this. I think that everyone should have consideration for other people's feelings. Having a filter is necessary. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but if you just say whatever the hell you feel to someone about their appearance, then obviously you don't care if they are hurt by your words or not. I think that is rude and absolutely unnecessary.

I'm cracking up!!

@@tiffanymarie6997

You should have said "I am not pretty, I am Beautiful! and don't ever say something so ugly to me again in your life!"

(Then you do a hair flip and walk away like you own the place.)

And I might add STOMP OFF LIKE A SUPERMODEL!

Today a dear friend and colleague of many years returned to work after a little vacation. He said wow, I didnt even recognize you, you look so much better than you used to. I laughed and he had the grace to flush red to the roots of his hair. I don't think I meant to say that, he said.