I just finished reading a couple of posts and I couldn't do anything but say to myself, "Seriously? Really?"

I know there are going to be some people that will probably what to take my head off for this one, but I just have to ask... Are there really people that frequent this website that are so weak-minded and sensitive that they can be absolutely devastated and sent into an uncontrollable bout of depression over something someone wrote in a thread?

If someone that you don't know, have never met, and they know nothing about you, can cause such an emotional reaction in you, I personally think that you don't even need to be considering WLS at this point. You really should be seeking out the services of a therapist to figure out what makes you give away your personal power to a complete stranger.

I hear people say how "mean" some people are, and how rude others are. People are only to you what you allow them to be, and they can only take control of the power you give them.

I have never testified that I know everything about everything, but to the contrary I'm not dumb as a box of rocks! Bottom line, stop letting the things these people on this site upset you, or even get your dander up. You never know, they may come here just to see what type of drama they can get started. If you find something of value to you, keep it and cherish it. All the rest of this mess is nothing but chatter.

This post may not have been directly toward you, but if the shoe fits, feel free to lace that b i t c h up and wear it.

Bullies abound in the anonymity of the internet. There are cases where those bullied online have committed suicide.

Bullies should not be tolerated on here. Those on here all suffer/suffered from obesity. They know all about face to face ugly, rude and insensitive comments. They have no more reason to accept them on here than they did in person.

The fact that they call out those bullies on here who are rude, harsh, insensitive or just plain mean does not make them "thin skinned" or "weak minded". I don't recall anyone saying they were "absolutely devastated" or went into "an uncontrollable bout of depression" over comments on here.

And if a person is hurt and upset by a remark that does not disqualify them from seeking WLS. That's called being human.

Don't hide behind the anonymity of your hurtful remarks and then blame the person they were aimed at. How hard is it to give your advice in a nice way? Apparently hard for some. Don't forget where you came from. You weren't a perfect person before WLS and you certainly aren't the perfect post-surgical person either.

When someone's mind is already off kilter due to major life changes and maladaptive biochemical processes, something a simple as a post on a website really can be a kick in the teeth.

I hope your post doesn't scare off people who are, however temporarily, in a dark place, and are sensitive to comments, on the internet or otherwise. It is absolutely normal to feel the way they do and experience sensitivity to the opinions of others. I mean, the opinions of others are exactly why we are all here!

If someone is this "off kilter" and something as simple as a post on website can throw them into a tailspin, perhaps they should....STAY OFF THAT WEBSITE.

It's not up to me, or you or anyone else here to guard their every word or opinion because someone may or may not be depressed, hangry, claustrophobic, gluten sensitive, Republican, pre op, post op, high, stoopid, blah..blah..blah.

If we are all here because of the opinions of others, as you stated above, why should I have to censor myself? There are plenty of words/opinions/thoughts here that I don't care for. That's what the back button is for.

I call it like I see it and rude is rude. Don't try to dress it up as tough love or blame the person it is directed at.

Wait, what?! You are the ultimate judge of who and what is rude? It's my opinion that what YOU think is rude and what I think is rude may be two totally different things. What makes your opinion of what is rude, FACT? Genuinely curious. Not trying to be "rude".

I had to chuckle a little when I read the original post because I say the same thing to myself sometimes. Not often, but every once in a while, but I read something that pisses me off and I find myself responding....and the whole time I really am asking myself why I even care. The beauty of it is that we can just not participate if we don't like what is said. Usually I can

I call it like I see it and rude is rude. Don't try to dress it up as tough love or blame the person it is directed at.

Wait, what?! You are the ultimate judge of who and what is rude? It's my opinion that what YOU think is rude and what I think is rude may be two totally different things. What makes your opinion of what is rude, FACT? Genuinely curious. Not trying to be "rude".

Like the judge who was asked to define pornography said - "I'll know it when I see it".

Same goes here. I'll know a rude comment when I see it and obviously the person(s) who complain about them do too. People who make them can continue ad infinitum, ad nauseum to try to defend them with all kinds of excuses about using back buttons, staying off here, freedom of speech and blaming the victim.

Notice how no one has to defend nice, helpful, supportive comments? That speaks volumes.

@@GreenEyes604 Lol! Dang what did I Miss??!

@@Elode Girl you know better than to stray too far away from me. People just love to jump on me because I speak the truth and they don't like it. Still have these flouncers running around trying to save the world...

I try to govern my speech by keeping my reader in mind. I have no idea how the person who is reading this feels or in what state of mind they are in. Do I really want my words to hurt someone or come across as bullying? This is not a "free speech" issue in my mind. IMO this is a kindness and sensitivity issue. You can be honest and forthright without being unkind. I have also found that people usually respond more positively and respect people who are kind to them.

Personally I think it is just a matter of being on social media. Nowadays people are more self absorbed and think that everyone should hear their opinions. Instead of scrolling past they make sure you are aware how they don't like it and that their thoughts and feelings should be put out for the world to see. I always think of that funny phrase "opinions are like a$$holes. Everyone has one and they all stink."

You're right too, that some people do get on here trying to see what havoc they can create. I understand where you're coming from I've seen and experienced similar issues but I do think that there's a lot of miscommunication. Because in type you don't have tone inflection. Many of us are taught in school to type and word things without emotion and in as few words without any indication of body language or tone. Many also automatically read in a negative voice. So they are automatically setting themselves up to be offended where the author might not have intended. I have that issue in text with my Hubby. I'll be busy need to make a quick response and he read it with a negative voice and asks why I'm mad. People should give the benefit of the doubt and move on if they don't like something. They are strangers. Even if they're not its not worth it. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and scroll past the clueless idiots.

This isn't reddit... This isn't 4chan.

If people get so butthurt by 'harsh' comments on this forum, I'd love to see their reaction some of the stuff on these sites ????

I call it like I see it and rude is rude. Don't try to dress it up as tough love or blame the person it is directed at.

Wait, what?! You are the ultimate judge of who and what is rude? It's my opinion that what YOU think is rude and what I think is rude may be two totally different things. What makes your opinion of what is rude, FACT? Genuinely curious. Not trying to be "rude".

Like the judge who was asked to define pornography said - "I'll know it when I see it".

Same goes here. I'll know a rude comment when I see it and obviously the person(s) who complain about them do too. People who make them can continue ad infinitum, ad nauseum to try to defend them with all kinds of excuses about using back buttons, staying off here, freedom of speech and blaming the victim.

Notice how no one has to defend nice, helpful, supportive comments? That speaks volumes.

I disagree completely. You can't go from being the ultimate judge of what is or is not rude to "I'll know it when I see it". You don't know the intent behind the comment, you don't know the tone and you don't know the history of the poster or the reader. All of these factors play a HUGE part in the perception of the comments.

Nice is kind of relative but helpful and supportive? Not so much.

If I tell you I drank a few beers on Saturday, ate 2 donuts yesterday and am upset because I didn't lose any weight this weekend, and you say, "Oh HONEY! That's OK. You just get your cute little patoot back on the wagon and you will be fine..." , that is not helpful or supportive to me.

If instead, you say, "What a dumbass decision. You should know better than that. Go back to your Protein, shake your ass in kickboxing a little extra, and don't whine about eating stupid s**t if you are going to make stupid decisions!", I would consider you helpful and supportive.

You might not think so, someone delicate might not think so, but the first answer--the patronizing one-- will only help ME justify my actions and repeat my behaviors. I got fat justifying my bad behaviors because everyone was too "nice", "supportive" and "helpful" to give me the tough love I needed.

I hate to break it to you, but you aren't the ultimate judge of what is kind, rude, helpful, supportive, snarky, etc., nor am I. Only the author of the post knows their intent. Everyone else is simply making the choice of how to perceive it, and whether to heed it, embrace it, ignore it and/or be "devastated" (yes, that was said the other day) by it.

Yeah, I also wonder what spawned this thread.

EDIT: Found it ... http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/335569-jumping-to-conclusions/?hl=+red%20+robin

I can imagine things that would be unacceptable to say in a forum like this, e.g., ad hominem, insults, and true meanness. But I've rarely seen anything like that here. I do see posters making suggestions and expressing strong opinions about post-WLS behaviors. Those kinds of comments seem appropriate to me on an online WLS forum.

I agree that it's important that we all keep in mind that online communication is nothing like what we're used to in real life. What we read here are merely words and emoticons on a screen. We truly don't know our correspondents. We don't have their back stories. It's rare (on this forum) that people even post their weight tickers, which I've always thought was, well, weird, but that's another topic. We don't know what our correspondents look like or their emotional states and vulnerabilities or resources. And none of you know me or my journey or my condition either.

None of us can fix each other online. My sincere, heartfelt advice might be just what you want / need to hear. Or it could really piss you off. Or it could wound you terribly. I have literally NO idea how you're going to react.

So if you're seriously offended or injured by online communication, you should spend less time online. Or, once offended by my commentary, you are always able to put me on IGNORE. (Go to your "My Settings" to do that.)

Edited March 23, 201511 yr by VSGAnn2014

Oh, and another thing ...

It is intellectually dishonest to label someone who disagrees with you online as a troll or a bully.

Yeah ... no.

Oh, and another thing ...

It is intellectually dishonest to label someone who disagrees with you online as a troll or a bully.

Yeah ... no.

"Intellectually dishonest"? HAHAHAHAA!!

That's much kinder and supportive than what I call this behavior.

@@Elode Girl you know better than to stray too far away from me. People just love to jump on me because I speak the truth and they don't like it. Still have these flouncers running around trying to save the world...

For everybody else, here is a more readable version of the internet trolling case study I posted above, I know that scientific papers can be kind of dry. Its an interesting look at individuals who like to troll, or just like to create drama/stir up trouble. Generally speaking, it is the anonymity of the internet that drives people to behave this way. Intellectual honestly has nothing to do with anything. That term doesn't apply to the situation, because no one is accusing people of being bullies/trolls/rude/whatever because of an intellectual disagreement. We are addressing someone's online behavior, not an intellectual opinion. Now I don't see any trolls in this thread, but I am seeing people who like to stir up trouble, who feed off of the drama. If you create drama wherever you go, that says a lot more about you than it does about the posters where you go. Being rude and confrontational is not something to be proud of. It's one thing to post your opinion in the original thread, but starting an entirely new thread, with such a dramatic title, is just a desperate plea for attention. Are you substitution confrontation on the internet for something else in your life? I'm not going to go ad hominum and guess what it is that might be lacking, but just suggest that you look at why you feed off drama.

https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20140217/05122426247/psychologists-internet-trolls-are-narcissistic-psychopathic-sadistic.shtml

Let me be clear. Nobody here is a troll. But I see some people who are willing to be deliberately hurtful if it gets them confrontation and attention. There is overlap between trolls and people who hurt others in pursuit of drama. Causing trouble wherever you go is not something to be proud of, but if it is, there are places on the internet where you'll fit right in. Cruelty is easy, compassion and empathy are hard. I bet the same people who are slamming people with depression as being thin-skinned and weak would struggle on the fat people shaming boards of the internet. There are people for whom destroying the psyches of other people is a life's calling. This place is supposed to be a haven for people like us. If you're so proud of being divisive, if you think it's sink or swim and everyone who has trouble transitioning shouldn't be here, I might as well link this thread over at reddit and 4chan so you can see what you look like to the rest of us.