Hi, I guess there is a need for us to talk about intimacy (yes and even sexual) issues, I know I do. I have a very lonely marriage. Can anyone relate?

lizrbit: you are so candid, you make my day.

lizrbit, I love your responses. I wish that would help for me, but you see my hubby lives nude (at home, that is) and I've slept naked for years.

Any other thoughts? I'll happily entertain them!

You all are the greatest!

faith,

If you sleep naked, try getting a sexy nighty to wear to bed instead. It's weird, but sometimes wearing something can be sexier than being naked, even if it isn't covering much, lol.

All this talk about sleeping naked is fine. But for me the only problems we've had in the bedroom have been more my lack of desire not his. But my lack of desire is a direct result of a lack of intimacy outside the bedroom. So, maybe I ought to just try running around the house naked after our son goes to bed and see if that sparks some intimacy outside the bedroom.

My gosh! I just stumbled on this thread today and am soooo thankful that I did. My husband and I have not been getting along lately at all. Our sex life is active, at least once a week (it would be more if he was home at night during the week but he works second shift). He could do it everyday, I could too if we could get along. Our problem is lack of communication and respect. We have very busy lives....three little kids, horses, dogs, cat, etc. I need to rely on him and he isn't there for me. There is no intimacy; no hugs, no kisses, no eye contact unless I stop him and initiate but he is always the one that initiates sex. I have forced myself to do the deed up until recently thinking that things would get better but they aren't. He never used to be this way...he used to be glued to me, always holding hands, always showing me how much he loved me, now he says that we have too much responsibility and he is too stressed out....to stressed to hug and talk but not to get funky; I don't think so..... Now with my surgery date fast approaching, I dont' trust that he will be supportive at all (he has let me down in the past when I needed him the most) and I am afraid this will be the last straw. I am really to the point that I can't take it anymore and if things dont' change, I am going elsewhere for the companionship I need. I could go into some serious details here, but this is the jist of what is going on in our house....I just wanted to share to add one more story and let you guys know you are really not alone.

lol FAITH!!!! then might i suggest gardening naked??? it wont do a dang thing but maybe get the neighbors more interested in bbq's but the feel of the summer air on the nude derrier could be exhillirating? if you were both nude together then every time you passed him would be an intimate moment If my boys didnt still live at home, id totally turn it into our own little nudist minicolony.

bad, theres no judges here. i think thats something that if we havent done it, weve at least thought about it.

im all for fighting against going into that good night! rage, rage against the dying of the light! and all that....sometimes you just gotta settle, and sometimes you just gotta go. sometimes its the 'light' itself that keeps us next to it, but its at least a concious choice, eh? Good bad or ugly...

Diane, it does...i dont know what the connection is yet, but for me, it really has.

so...im looking forward to reading about your experiences even if they are less than perfect. you gotta come back to the board and tell...

My gosh! I just stumbled on this thread today and am soooo thankful that I did. My husband and I have not been getting along lately at all. Our sex life is active, at least once a week ... Our problem is lack of communication and respect. We have very busy lives....There is no intimacy; no hugs, no kisses, no eye contact unless I stop him and initiate but he is always the one that initiates sex. I have forced myself to do the deed up until recently thinking that things would get better but they aren't. ...

Badonkadonkbut - I can so relate!!! Other than your specifics about kids/pets I could have written your post. I know that most of the people here are posting that they want more sex, But our lack of intimacy outside the bedroom is as much a problem.

I will say I did try putting the brakes on sex early on in our marriage when it became clear he wasn't good at all the important aspects of intimacy outside the bedroom (communication, respect, touches, looks, etc.) And I would get SO very mad at people that would suggest that a good wife would just shut up and put out (always said in a nicer more "christian" way ofcourse) And I still don't like that idea but sometimes I wonder if by learning to settle for only being "close" to him in bed has turned me into just that person. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy the time we spend together having sex, and it's only getting better as I shrink. BUT neither my willingness to "participate" or my loss of weight haven't improved our relationship outside the bedroom in any way. Sometimes I still think of pulling back and trying to find another way to get him to open up outside the bedroom.

could his stuff be stress at work? how long has it been since you guys got away together, just you both?

like...to a movie?

We actually went away this past Friday and Saturday...we went to niagara falls for a night. It wasn't anything much but it was a nice break. He was great while we were away but the second we rolled back into town it was like a switch and he went back to being an idiot the rest of the weekend. I confronted him about it and he gave me the same old story.....responsibility was getting to him.....what else is new? It is no excuse to me anymore...deal with it or get out then.

LeeAnn,

I whole heartedly agree with you!! I know if I was put in that same situation I would say the same thing. God, life is sooooo short. WHY live if miserable? If the person you are with is not making you complete then they are not doing their job. If they are unwilling to change, then time for a change of scenery!!! I always hate the excuse of "but the kids!!!" My parents divorced when I was 7 and I am GLAD they did!!! Seeing how my dad treated my "soon after the divorce with my mom" stepmom, I am GLAD that they were not together while I was growing up. I used to feel sorry for myself that my parents were divorced when I was growing up but now that I understand it all, I am glad they did not stay together for us kids. Take control of your life and find some true happiness in your life. Deanna

Thanks. I agree, life is too short to be unhappy and please understand that I did leave a lot of details out of my story.....I don't want to bore anyone with the details. What will be will be with my marriage...for now my focus is on me and my kids and what makes us happy!

I appreciate everyone's comments re:life being too short to be with someone who doesn't treat us right.

I have NOT been offended by anyone who has made that argument nor do I want to offend them for what I'm about to say.

However, you have to remember this board is discussing one issue within a marriage, Intimacy. And though that is a very important aspect of a relationship it is just ONE part of what makes up the very large and complicated beast we call marriage.

If everyone left their partners just because they were not getting every aspect of their relationship right, I firmly believe the divorce rate would be closer to 99% than the already poor 50+% it is now. As their are precious few if any people out their much less couples that are always on their best behaviour in all aspects of their life.

Marriage is not always pretty and most of the time it is down right hard work (and dare I say... full of mutual compromises). There is nothing wrong with us venting here, it's good for us. And I'm not trying to say that everyone should just stay with their spouses no matter what.

I'm just saying its not always best to cut and run when the going gets tough. For me the lack of non-bedroom intimacy is just one of a handfull of problems between my DH & I. Compared to the list of good things that also come with this relationship I still feel its worth fighting for.

:clap2: TheG0hst:clap2: Very well said.

I agree there is alot involved in a marriage. The intimacy issue may be a symptom of some serious stuff happening in a marriage. No one would seperate just for that one reason- at least I would hope not. If we scratch at the service- what would we find underneath? Yup, it's complicated all right.

P.S. I wouldn't go anywhere nude, let me tell you! That is the thing that nightmares are made of, (for me and any one who would have the misfortune to see me)