Hi, I guess there is a need for us to talk about intimacy (yes and even sexual) issues, I know I do. I have a very lonely marriage. Can anyone relate?

" As for those of you who have no libido because of Lexapro or Prozac"

or effexor or paxil or....

"My wedding night was a nightmare as were many, many nights after that. We were married for 4 years and I never experienced anything but pain and frustration when we had sex."

So let me ask a question. If you had not been married when your first nightmarish experience (and those to follow for I assume that you wouldnt have immediately broken off the entire relationship) what would have been different in your estimation? How would you view the situation differently?

i leave you people alone for a day or two and you start throwing peanuts.

I got married the first time when i was 16. I had my oldest son a week before i turned 17. I was divorced 14 days later. worked on my own with the boy for a while until i realized how little i was going to make with my lack of skills or education, Moved to another state with the boy since child support or visitation wasnt wanted or desired, got job, went to college, and then i met "the tall guy". I used to see him each morning at a four way intersection on our way to school each morning. He never saw me. I remember praying. i remember saying "if you give me this one thing, i swear, ill never ask for anything else"....

within a few months after that, we started dating. He already knew my son from school interactions and social stuff and they got along wonderfully. I told him i couldnt "date" someone if there wasnt any possibility of a future, and he said, 'well when can you move in?"

My son and i moved in with him after a few months. Hes the only man the boy ever called "dad". We have three sons altogether.

I dont regret my first marriage.

here let me say it again...

I DONT regret my first marriage. It was fun and was a better situation (as bad as it got) than what i was in before.

I dont regret leaving when i did.

i dont regret test driving cars. I was a woman after all and have needs too. To hell with people that dont acknowledge that.

i dont regret not dating all the cars i drove

i really dont regret meeting the tall guy.

i dont regret our 20 yrs together. I wish many of those years had sex in them. but i cant go back and change that.

all i got is today.

im jiggy with that.

on another note:

my dog is buddhist. i probably should mention that. (we hang out alot and if im not careful i can get lost in her calmness)

Sorry, moved my comments to a more appropriate place

lizrbit: I am most amused to hear that your dog is a Buddhist. I once had a tank full of guppies who were Roman Catholic, a cat who was a Baptist, and a goldfish who was Jewish. I named him Reuben Goldcarp. The guppies were called the Joes and the Renes after my parents. :heh: My father was did not find this adorable. :phanvan

For the past many years my cats have been heathen atheists; in this they follow myself. It would be lovely to have a Buddhist dog around the house. Lucky you.

I don't think we were throwing peanuts. I wasn't mad at all, it was good healthy debate.

I like to talk frankly and honestly with people, regardless of what their points are. I like to listen and perhaps glean something from them I wasn't able to understand before that. I appreciate all that Qvr said and appreciate her point of view. Just because we may not agree, doesn't me I don't respect and listen to her.

lizrbit, I LOVE you!

I think my cat is a nihilist.

Hi faith: How are you feeling post surgery?

I'm glad for the debate, I realized that we were all talking about the same thing, just using different wording. So that is pretty cool!

Re Pets: don't you just love golden retrievers??? They are always laughing. I used to have 2 but they are both gone now. If I didn't travel so much I would have another. Now I have fish outside in my fountain. Unfortuntately, had 10 now 5. Each week I find a floater. So it is more of a downer when they greet me when I come home (I'm afraid to look) You get a much better welcome with a dog.

Hi nume, I'm feeling better everyday. I'm just not quite used to what will apparently be my feeling for restriction: feeling like I've got a marble stuck below my Adam's Apple.

I will post updated scar pics on the scar thread at some point. I took them yesterday but I can't find my camera cable and the card reader crapped out.

I think my cat is a nihilist.

I think my current and not very nice cat is an anarchist - this is the most destructive animal I have ever lived with! She is still young. I am hoping that she will grow out of it.

I assume you are asking an honest question, Q. If I had not been so silly when I got married and believed all of the pre-marital counseling we had through our church and had not believed what the fairy tales I'd listened to my whole life told me and what Seventeen magazine told me about living "happily ever after," and I had instead done the experincing and investigating myself, I would never have married the dude.

I will admit that going through those years I learned a whole lot that prepared me for the success I've enjoyed in my current marriage.

However I am sure that I could have had a relationship with my first husband that included all those lessons, without the marriage part. That would have prevented a whole lot of grief and guilt on my part, on my ex-husband's part, and on the part of our friends and families - all of which pale by comparison to the pain and sadness that our child experienced by having divorced parents.

P.S. Honest answer, please... did I cause the peanut tossing?

Nope, I did by using the term "test drive" in my response to BooBooKitty's post about being with her husband since she was 15.

I guess saying "test drive" was somehow vague. I meant it in terms of seriously dating more than one or two people before you decide one person is "The One." It apparently came across somehow as suggesting that one bed several different partners.

And I still don't think peanuts were tossed. I feel it was a healthy expression of opinions.

Thanks, faithmd: I was about ready to turn tail and go skulking back to R & Rs. And I agree, I thought it was a good discussion on both sides.

Perhaps you should have said, "test ride" :whoo: instead of "test drive"

LOL!!!! That would have been interpreted so much better (snickering) :Banane56:

Ah...right. Is there a 'choking on my coffee and spewing it on the computer screen" emoticon?

Will this do? :ranger: