Hi everyone. I just got the call from my center telling me that I've been approved. I'm super excited but also pretty scared.

I sent a text to my boss telling her that I have a hernia and an ulcer and will likely need a month off--which is untrue, but I've decided to keep the weight loss surgery conversation outside of the office. I feel bad for lying but I don't feel like I need to be too open about my personal decisions. I'm waiting for a reply. I know that I just dropped a bomb on her.

I'm also nervous because I started this journey with a close friend and my husband and neither of them are close to scheduling/approval yet--my friend has chosen to continue Her supervised diet a little longer and my husband started a new job so he has to wait 6 months until he can take time off.

I haven't told my parents or his parents. I don't plan to tell his parents at all because his dad will just pull fake facts out of his behind, and my mom will tell me that I'm beautiful and don't need surgery. (My dad will be more supportive, but I haven't told them yet. And I was planning on just waiting til I was approved. But now I'm thinking I'll wait til I'm like a week prior to surgery to tell them--so I don't have to hear all of the..but you can do it the natural way talks for as long.

So I'm scared to be honest with work--will they have any idea about my personal medical info if I don't tell them? I know all about hippa, but I don't know how it works on the insurance end. Does that make sense?

And I guess I'm just worried because my two main supports are not as close to surgery as I am. My best friend lives states away--also thinks I don't need it, and another main support just started a new job and has been kind of conceited about her successes. So I feel kinda alone in this.

My husband is great and my friend who is also is in process is great--I'm just afraid that I'm going to drive those two nuts. And I don't want special treatment from work, but I fear I might need a bit of babying/easing my way back into it after recovery time.

Any thoughts? Thanks for listening.

I think it's good that you are doing this at a different time from your hubby. That way he can take care of you and then you can take care of him. If you did it together neither one of you would feel like taking care of the other. As far as work goes, the only problem I can see is if they ask for a doctor's note will your doctor go along? Are you taking short term disability or anything?

Everyone else, it's no one's business. You'll be okay.

I agree with the poster above me. It's better that you're not doing it at the same time. It's just bad luck that you have to go first! (He'll have the benefit of learning from your experiences!)

Typically doctor's notes give no details about why you're out. You should be able to keep your secret at work. I can't see them not allowing you to be off for any medical procedure. I hope it goes well!

I don't know what you do for a living, so I don't know about your recovery time. As far as I'm concerned, I didn't tell my employer either, because my personal life is NONE of their business. No, they should not know what you had done due to HIPPA. They will see an increase in costs if they pay for your insurance (as my employer does). I had my surgery when I only had to plan a few extra days off because we had a break for Christmas anyway. I really did have to have a hernia repaired as well, so that's what I told them I had to have done. I don't have a job where I have to do heavy lifting or lots of standing, so I was able to go back in two weeks without any difficulty. I didn't have any problems, so I really didn't use the pain medication for more than a few days. Best wishes to you!

I was afraid to tell my employer, too, but once I did, it was great. She has been very supportive, and that really made me feel less worried. I just had my surgery (sleeve gastrectomy) last Monday. I feel great and I went back to work last Friday. I have a pretty sedentary job, so I figured I'd rather sit around at the office and be productive than sit around at home. I realize that is not the norm, but I wanted to let you know it is possible. I was so worried about things going wrong, and it really has been a lot easier than I anticipated. I am a 54 year old woman, and I was super-nervous before I had the surgery. I know it's personal decision about who and how much you tell people, but I decided to be honest with my coworkers. Hopefully, they will see a big change in me fairly quickly, and rather than have them worry about my health, or speculate, I decided to be upfront about it. Everyone has been very supportive, and that really helped allay some of my anxiety.

@@Grateful_Love You don't have to tell your work about what your surgery is for unless you are using benefits like Short Term Disability or FMLA. Even then, that information would only be shared with an HR rep in order to get your benefits paperwork processed and in no way can HR share the medical information with your boss or co-workers.

If you are going to use Short Term Disability, you will fill out a form and your medical information will have to be on there (and your doc will need to fill out parts of it), but that information goes to your disability insurance company. HR may have to process that paperwork, but the PHI on the paperwork is protected by HIPAA and other laws. They cannot tell your boss what you are going in for. That is the law.

Also, if you use FMLA, you may have to share some medical information as well, but it should not be as detailed as the disability paperwork. My employer would allow a letter from the doc stating that due to surgery, XX days are needed off- and with any questions to contact the doc. Again, your PHI is still protected by law and only HR should see that.

I chose not to use FMLA or Disability and only took off 1 1/2 weeks and used my PTO. I did not have to tell anyone why I was out and did not share any medical information.

As far as the insurance side of your concerns, your PHI is not shared with your employer because HIPAA forbids that to happen. Your employer would have to take you to court and subpoena your medical records to ever get a peek at them.

(I am the HIPAA/Privacy Officer for a large healthcare system, btw.)

I think I posted this same topic like a hundred times because it kept telling me that I couldn't post. I'm hoping I didn't annoy everyone and their brother with all of the repeated posts.

I am 29, and I am a mental health crisis counselor. When people need to go to the hospital with a mental health emergency they call our hotline and we go out and assist. Largely, my day is based on the amount of hotline calls we get. I may go out on 2 or 3 cases a day, max. Usually only one, depending on how busy it can get. All of the suicide prevention hotline and "lifeline" calls are screened through us, too.

I told my director, who is really great. She said she would talk to the HR lady for me and I will sit down with my director on Wednesday. I didn't share with her exactly what I will be having done, but that I may need up to 4 weeks off. Our schedules rotate, so during every 6 week rotation I have a four day weekend and a five day weekend. If I could sandwhich surgery between those two long weekends I may only need to use like two weeks. But I have been saving my personal time and my vacation and sick time for this, so I don't know if I would need to use FMLA or short term disability, since I have all that time saved up to begin with.

Should I use fmla or short term disability and save up my benefit time? What difference would it make other than having my benefit time there afterward "just in case" ?

As far as work goes--I'm not telling anyone anything specific. I don't have to explain myself to anyone and if I decide to later then that's one thing. I don't want to up front. And I feel like that's okay.

I took short term leave. Didn't tell anyone anything except a friend that I was having hernia surgery. That's it. None of their business and against the law to ask. Only folks that need to know are the disability folks and the dr will complete that paperwork. Good luck!

@@Grateful_Love You can actually use all 3 if you want to! Let me break it down:

FMLA: Family Medical Leave Act. This is unpaid time off, but it protects your job by law for up to 12 weeks. I always suggest using this whenever you can- its free and doesn't hurt to be on it.

Short Term Disability (STD): This is a benefit usually paid by your employer (or yourself) that pays for time off usually after a waiting period of between 3-7 days depending on your insurer. It usually pays around 60% of what you usually make in a week for a specified number of weeks.

PTO: This of course is accrued time off pay and can be used when you take time off.

So, if you are on FMLA, your job is protected. STD, you get a partial amount of what you normally make. Then, you can elect to use PTO on a part time basis (like 2 hours per day to supplement the STD) or even full time if your employer allows it (mine does). I know of people who took 4 weeks off, got their STD and also used 4 weeks of PTO all at the same time- and they ended up having a ton of money because they had PTO full time pay, then 60% pay! However, if you like to vacation more...I would suggest not using full-time PTO unless you have to.

Hope this helps?

Shiz, thank you for that run down! I'll probably just do PTO, because I think there's some kind of clause in ours that in order to do STD you have to use all the PTO first. ...then STD comes in if it has to. I'll have to check into it more when I talk to my director.

If I play it right, I could essentially have 21 days off with only having 8 days of those 21 being considered "work days" because I have three off plus a holiday which makes it 4. Then I have 4 days on, 4 days off bc it's a built in long weekend, then 4 on, and a 5 day long weekend.

Now, that all depends on if my surgeon can schedule me on that first 4 day weekend. But even still, it should pan out that I can use minimal time. And I have like 6 weeks PTO banked. I think.

We will see how it goes I guess.

I'm just nervous about that "what happened to Danielle?" Conversations. Eh. Eff em.