I am hoping this is normal- but I have been waking up at 2AM for this past week and have been thinking 'Oh my gosh, it is ALMOST here! What am I DOING??!?!!'.

During the day, I think about this upcoming surgery all day- no joke. I have been waiting since October, so, for 90 days the surgery has been seeming like a dream. Now, on Friday- I start my pre-op diet. Whoa.

It is getting REAL, people!

I think I am nervous because:

-- I am going to MX alone. My mom just had neck surgery so she cannot go (even though she wanted to!). My boyfriend flat out refused to go to Mexico because he (a) doesn't ever want to go to MX and he doesn't really think I need the surgery (but says he will support me & my decision). So, I make my journey alone.

--I have never, ever had surgery before. I had an endoscopy about 7 years ago and was put under anesthesia for it, but I had my best friend right by my side and it was a tiny 10 minute procedure.

--It is actually going to happen. It has felt like a dreeeeammm for so long- I just can't believe that in less than a month I will be at home, recovering....and on the way to a new me.

Wheew. It felt good to get that out. No one really is behind my decision to go to Mexico and get a sleeve...so I am kind of at a loss of people to talk about my jitters without getting a lecture on why I should just back out now.

Edited December 31, 201411 yr by shizwiz

Shizwiz! I wish I could go down and hold your hand for you! I am sorry that you are walking this path alone. You can find me on facebook and I will be glad to be supportive. Just PM me and I will give you my address.

I am sure I will face the same jitters. Can you maybe take some melatonin to calm the jitters?

I also listen to a calming CD every night. It really helps me. It is NOT a diet, just a calm self-hypnosis CD that reinforces that what you are doing for your health is working and you are succeeding.

I love it and it helps me sleep.

Janahttp://www.healingwithhypnosis.com/self-hypnosis-products.aspx

@@Jana64 Thank you! I have been taking Melatonin (I LOVE it!) and have also been listening to Youtube calming videos before bed (are we soul sisters?!)! I love ASMR videos and have been listening to WhisperCrystal for the last month to calm down.

I think maybe 2 am is when the Melatonin wears off a bit? Or it could be my whiny cat...heheh

Thank you for the kind words, it means alot

We are all going to go through this. I have a FB friend and right up to the day she was saying that she was going to cancel. Now she is on the Loser's Bench and has already recovered and is doing well. She was convinced she was going to be THE one to have all of the complications or die on the table.

Jana

I had that running through my head for a bit, but I went through and read a ton of studies and mortality data and felt better. I have no idea why, but I guess I feel like if I can't win the lotto, I probably won't have complications or die either. Heh.

I also just out of the blue had a co-worker come up to me and give me the details for her fiance, who lives in San Diego. I had told her about the surgery, and she wanted to make sure I had someone to call in case I needed anyone down there. That was sweet and also makes me feel better. Pheew!

I'm a planner and a list maker. It may be a tiny bit OCD but it helps me organize and relax. If I can plan for something I feel in control. When I was prepping for my surgery I told 2 people. One was my friend who had gotten a bypass the year before because I wanted to know who did her surgery and what her experience was like. Another friend who is about a month and a half ahead of me. My best friend and sister I told about 2 weeks before. My mother who is a worrier I told 2 days before. Everyone else gets told on an as need basis. I'm not hiding it but I've never been one for oversharing my life anyway. Once I made a list of what needed to be done, I would just check it off as it was done. Going through that list kept me calm. I felt secure in the knowledge that I had done my due diligence to make sure everything went as well as it could.

The day of surgery I was completely calm, cool and collected.

Edited January 15, 201511 yr by BLERDgirl

That is a good idea, @@BLERDgirl! I am also a list maker, but haven't made one yet...so I bet that will help. I am going to start that now....I am having a hard time concentrating today, so I might as well do something.

Ya'll are awesome. Thanks

Oh- and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I thought I was the only one feeling this way. Seems all I think about is this surgery. It's almost like an obsession.

@@Diane Grimm Right?! I feel slightly crazy!!!

I mean, before I go on vacation or something, I think about it and get excited about it and plan like crazy....so I guess that if I obsess over Vegas, my creepy obsession with surgery has got to be expected.

I think as long as we don't have a secret room with VSG articles taped on every single surface we should be fine, eh?

@@shizwiz - I'm so sorry you are alone in this!! It's a huge undertaking to travel for surgery, but ALONE!!? Your one amazing lady. Don't second guess yourself and your decision. It's YOUR life, after all.

I'm sure your surgical team will calm your fears and make you as comfortable as possible.

I travel to MX, for my sleeve next week!

Very best wishes to you and bravo!!

@@mduffield Thank you for the kind words! Let me know how you are doing when you get out, eh?!

I think my team will be good. I have heard excellent things about A Lighter Me and everyone, from the drivers to the hotel to the surgeon- so I am getting excited! I just need to woo-saw some more!

Happy New Year!

Awwww...I'm sorry you are going through this alone, but you will be fine and kicking butt at this weight loss thing before you know it. I am extremely nervous as well, and only have a little over a week left 1/12/15. I have thought a few times about changing my mind, but I keep telling myself I've come too far to turn back now and that I'll be in a much better place with 100+ lbs off of me. I had my EGD completed today and it was something I was also scared about, but to my surprise it was a piece of cake! Before I knew it, I was awake and ready to go home. So....I know my VSG won't be that simple, I'm mentally telling myself it won't be that bad in order to push on.

I wish you much success! Keep calm, take a few deep breaths, and buckle up for the new and fantabulous you that is coming!!!!

I am so sorry that you have to do this alone! When I read your post I looked to see where you live but Texas and Alaska are just too far apart, or I would go with you. I was going to have my surgery in mexico also, but decided to stay here in the state. I wish you all the luck and joy on your journey, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers ...

I think that we are all pioneers. No matter how hard and expensive they make the process, we women (and some men) are determined to take this chance to change things for good.

I get scared sometimes, sometimes I think about backing out. but I have a good core of supportive people at one of the facebook pages that I belong to and that helps,

Jan

@@Diane Grimm Right?! I feel slightly crazy!!!

I mean, before I go on vacation or something, I think about it and get excited about it and plan like crazy....so I guess that if I obsess over Vegas, my creepy obsession with surgery has got to be expected.

I think as long as we don't have a secret room with VSG articles taped on every single surface we should be fine, eh?

Bahahahaha! I am the same way. I call them all my obsessions, and I need to have one at all times. Luckily life is generally crazy enough that there's always SOMETHING for me to obsess about. And now just think--we'll have the surgery, then learning to live with the sleeve, the weight loss, the maintenance, all the athletics we'll be excelling at...

We have basically signed ourselves up for a lifetime of obsessions! WOOHOO!

Thank you ALL! Sorry for the late reply- I don't have a computer at home and replying on my Kindle makes me crave Valium because of the touch screen keyboard (HA!).

I am feeling SO much better now. I realize that while I may not have a physical being right next to me- I have this forum and some other Facebook groups I joined this weekend.

I am less and less nervous and time goes by!

ALSO- I went to the doctors office today and saw my favorite Nurse Practitioner just to tell her 'Hey, I am going to MX to have surgery, just a heads up' and also to notify someone here in case I have complications or issues with wound healing. She said she was SO proud of me for taking some steps to get healthy. I had been expecting to hear 'No!! Don't do it!' But nope.

The pre-op diet sucks, btw. But my nerves are evening out! Woot wooooot!