Hey guys,

I'm new here... Just thought I'd share a little bit.

I've been in my program for almost a year now, and I've done all the psych stuff and passed with flying colors... Buuuuttt.... I'm having a hard time losing the weight and it's getting really frustrating. I had a death in the family a couple months ago and I wasn't as secure in the whole life style changes as I thought I was. I spiraled a bit (the death was COMPLETELY unexpected) and gained 20 lbs in two months.

Now I'm feeling a bit discouraged but I know I CAN'T afford to stop this, my life depends on it. Any suggestions/ idea on how to get motivated again and stay motivated? What do you guys do?

@@bunsy First of all sorry for your loss, it hard to stay focused when your going through something like that. As far as motivation I liked to see before and after pics, watch YouTube videos, Hang out on here, and write down on paper what I wanted. Those things always helped me to stay motivated,that and seeing dreaded pictures of myself.

1. From a psych perspective, GRIEVE. So many times we use food to smother our thoughts or feelings - at least, I did.

2. Make a list of why you want to lose weight, and make it personal. Is it so you can play with your kids, get off your meds, avoid knee replacements, wear sexy jeans? Whatever it is - rate it 0 to 10, how important this is to you right now.

3. When you are in a situation where you want to put off plan in your mouth, rate it 0 to 10. Come up with a reason that out ranks it, and focus on that until the urge to chew off plan happens.

4. Eat something on plan if you're hungry.

First, I'm sorry for your loss.

Secondly, I'm sure we have all dealt with the insecure feelings associated with why we are doing what we want to do. However, you made a decision to go through with this and I doubt those reasons have changed. I'd like to parrot SCSTXRN and tell you to start writing things down. When I have problems I tend to rank the importance of my issues compared to the importance of what I want. It helps me, maybe it can help you. And continue to stay on this site, even though I have not posted a lot on here, I read a ton. The people here are great, they are positive and most of all they know what we are going through. Minus one unbelievably negative interaction, all have been supportive.

@@bunsy

Losing a family member is always difficult and running back to those things that ease stress and provide comfort are far to easy during such a trying time. When I geat really stressed out I still find myself craving sugar Cookies even a year after surgery. The biggest key to getting back on track is to stop beating youself up, pulling on your funderwear, and getting back to work.

By this there are a few things I mean. Firstly, you can't beat yourself up for sliding and gaining some weight. We are all human and all make mistakes. I myself will admit that I did not do well with my diet at all during this holiday season and got a little out of control with the sweets. The key is to admit to the mistake and make the choice to change. Starting right now to start making those smart choices again. Take things one day at a time, or if necessary, one meal at a time, or one hour at a time. The other key here is to start moving again if you have not been. When you feel stressed, angry, or sad, the best way to combat these feelings without using food is with heavy exercise. Create new drugs for yourself.

Another thing I would strongly suggest you do is create a list of all of the reasons that you are determining to go through surgery. Be sure to include all the hurt. I included things like a time a girl told me she wouldn't go to a school dance with me because I was too fat for her. This hurt will help give you strength and determination. I also would want you to make a list of all of the amazing things you will be doing but your weight has held you back from. Include some big thinking here. I strongly also urge you to check out my blog at the link below. There is a series of articles about how I prepared for surgery that I think you would benefit from a lot of that information.

I believe in you! I know you will be able to get back on track, refocus, and get to surgery! If there is anything I can do to help or there is any other advice you need, please let me know. I am here for you. I want to see you succeed and reach your goals!

@@Jonathan Blue@largeininc@scstxrn. You guys gave good advise. My sweet monster just started kicking in for me last month during my TOM phase. It came out of no where. Thx to Jonathan, I created a pineapple and coconut sorbet and it is sooooo delish. Trying to find healthy sweet treats is a job. Gettign back on track is the important thing to do. Stop what you are doing and get back in the game. I hope that you will bunsy.

Later Losers!

Take it one day at a time. Make a promise to yourself that tomorrow you will exercise for at least 30 minutes. If all you do is take a walk, make sure you take that walk. Then plan your food for tomorrow. Every bite. Don't plan past tomorrow. Just get tomorrow in. After than do it again.

Protect yourself. Do not bring anything into the house that you cannot eat responsibility.

Lastly plan something non-food related to do when you start feeling sad. Sorry for your loss. Just realize that there will be other challenges. You need to start building up your arsenal of new responses now.

I would strongly recommend grief counseling, preferably with a group of therapists that have a WLS specialist. If you're not involved with a face-to-face support group, seek that out too. The support here is amazing, but having a physical person around with a shoulder to cry on it so important. Especially if it's someone neutral / removed from the direct situation.

Thanks everyone I've actually grieved the loss, I think that the couple weeks of throwing me off my routine if what really got me. If I wanted to eat, it was whatever was at the house, because we were never home.

I do have a physical support group that I go to. I think you guys are right, I just need to sit down and remind myself why I'm doing this... All of the reasons. Even if they're simple thing like wanting to walk into any store and be able to buy pants.

If it's healthy sweets that are your craving... check out eggface's Protein ice cream and protein fudge. OMG!

@@bunsy

I recognize that you feel you have completely grieved this loss - but depending on how close you were to this person, how frequently you interacted with them, symptoms of grief will reach up and grab you in the intestines for two years or more - sometimes when you least expect it. I grieved my mom for 5 years, easy - random bouts of tears, anger, and chocolate craving. My dad - 6 months; his illness made his death less of a shock, although their birthdays and my birthday are still hard, more than 10 years later.

Be kind to yourself and recognize that it's ok to feel it, acknowledge it, really experience it - without medicating with food (or other things we sometimes use to medicate away pain), and it will process through. Next time it hurts less.

I am one of those people that, in the presence of something I don't want to deal with, say, "I need some chocolate". Pre surgery decision, that was a 3 musketeers and/or a milky way and/or a SKOR bar.. now, it's a chocolate Protein drink, and I make sure that I carry that powder with me at all times.

You can do this - you are worth it.