Its time! I finally broke up with food!
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Today I am 25 days post op! Yes! I have most certainly struggled the first 2 weeks and today I think I made ground breaking progress for the first time in my life!!!!
My body image and looks have always been a concern my entire life. I was pushed into modelling as a child and then came all the food issues and insecurities. It wasn't until I had paid modelling jobs that my weight became an issue. I was never fat but athletic and it wasn't until the company I was doing catalog work for as a child stopped calling me back for more work. My mother told me that it must have been because I looked fat in the last catalogue and if I would stop eating junk food I wouldn't have been "sacked" from my job. i was 12 years Old!
Being told not to have any treats ever whilst my 3 siblings did I felt punished. I have had the most unhealthy relationship with food because of this. Because I felt like I was missing out, and I was not allowed to eat junk of any kind, I did it in secret and felt better about the fact I wasn't missing out and felt joy and happiness comforting my self. This made me into the emotional closet eater I am today.. Well not today but until a few weeks ago and I had this operation that changed my life and I know it's just the beginning.
I have had the most unhealthy relationship with food... and it wasn't until 25 days ago did I break up with it. Feeling full makes me content.. That's the feeling food has always given me.. No matter what the emotion, food has been there for me. Tonight I had my family order gourmet pizza. I had 1 piece and that was it. I didn't eat the base.. just the topping. (Spinach feta pumpkin and garlic). This may sound insignificant to everyone else but my band made me feel full and food has not been an obsession or a comfort any more!!! I would have comsumed 3/4 of a pizza before this op.
Food is a source of fuel and consumed for a purpose. i now Eat to live as apposed to live to eat! Thanks to my new accessory (my belly bangle lol) I have lost that emotional attachment to food. I feel like I have control for the first time in my life! Loosing that gilt and horrible feeling i had to food is like a tonne lifted off of my chest!!
If anyone else has suffered from this type of eating disorder and is unsure as to if they want to have this operation, please do yourself a favour and talk to your dr about it. I wish I had have done this ages ago.