So how do you handle eating with others? I can fake it at parties buy just mingling with a plate with some food, and drinking virgin Vodka Cranberrys

But I have some smaller more intimate events coming up like taking a friend out to dinner for her birthday and a brunch with two old co-workers, and a small company team dinner. We also have large family dinners at least 2x's a month. I have been able to play off not eating by saying I have some stomach issues, IBS, and the good old "im on diet, " but im afraid of what is going to happen with these more intimate situations. Doing something not related to food with my friends is not a realistic approach (I can't eat but they can!). And I need to learn to cope with these situations. I haven't told anyone about my WLS surgery other than my immediate family. And to be honest I'm still dealing with my own issues on this - feelings of selfishness and failure for not losing the weight on my own.

Right now I'm on my Mushie week, but next week I'll be on soft foods. I can't eat more than a few tables spoons without gettng painfully full.

What has worked for you?

I know the stress you're feeling, and worrying that there will be a spotlight on you and your plate. Truthfully, people are not going to notice too much as long as you don't draw attention to it. I have been able to play it off with very little notice. If everyone is sharing an appetizer, you take a small amount, take one bite during conversation, and keep your fork in hand to move the food around while you talk. Yes, I'm serious! And pick an entree that's going to give you what you need in terms of protein, etc and do pretty much the same thing. Cut it up, move it around, say you're full if anyone asks. But for the most part nobody is analyzing what you take in that hard. It's been working for me. Hope it helps

I worried about this too but honestly I have never had someone comment on what I was eating, or how little. Other than a few waiters who asked if my food was all right (because I didn't eat much of it) and I just say something like it was delicious, could I have a doggie bag? And then sometimes throw in an excuse such as, I ate a late lunch so I'm not really hungry, or I'm watching my calories.

If your friends/family do comment (rude btw) just reiterate that you are on a diet and your doctor has given you strict guidelines about what to eat and how much. It's true!

for the most part, i take my portion and eat VERY slowly. i generally talk a lot too, so i take a tiny bit, eat, swallow and continue talking for a while! it takes me about 1/4 of the time of everyone else, even with eating slowly. it doesn't bother me to sit among everyone and watch, and enjoy conversation with them! i will even ask about how things taste, what's in it, etc. in showing interest, i'm engaging them too, and putting recipe ideas in my mental bank!

i make sure there is some option that I can enjoy, and i would even call ahead if it's at a restaurant. if you are going to somebody's home, a great way to tackle this is to TAKE a small platter of something that is on your plan phase and make it look like it's for 'everybody to enjoy'!!!

my coworkers are the people i eat with the most, and they all know that i had surgery. i feel like they all watch me a little more closely to see if i'm 'cheating' but i believe that most of them have my best interest at heart.

at a lunch i went to, i did something suggested above and just talked, laughed, and pushed food around and then when everyone was pretty much done, i just asked for a box. no prob!

Edited August 5, 201412 yr by mi75

So I've had few lunches with coworkers. I managed to eat a 1/4 of a sandwich. I took one extra bite and I almost died. I ate 1/3 of a cup (not bowl) of split pea soup today. But this Sunday I have a big dinner with coworkers. I was an appetizer , 1/2 a bottle of wine, meal, and dessert girl. I wonder how I'm going to pass off eating two bites of food. Oh and I know its taboo, but I have discovered that vodka and cranberry is tolerable. Just one is all it takes now.

Yesterday my surgeon cleared me for solid food and today I was invited to have lunch at a friend's.

I told them earlier that I had a surgery to fix my digestive system so I cannot eat much and I will have to eat slowly.

My friends didn't ask question about my surgery and they told me to take my time to eat.

They're done with their food after 15 minutes while I was still nibbling on mine, so I told them to go ahead with dessert without me.

Still I finished eating 15 minutes after they were done with fruits, they were kind enough to understand though.

Tomorrow I'll have lunch with my father-in-law and his girlfriend at a restaurant.

I want to tell him about my surgery but I don't want to tell his girlfriend so I think I'll just eat as slowly as I can and hope that they won't finish their food too quickly.

Being almost a year out now, I found that no one ever asked about what I was eating or even noticed. If someone expresses concern just say your stomach is a tad queasy today for some reason. I never really had anyone pay any mind to what was left on my plate. I just ordered a cup of soup or an appropriate appetizer.

My biggest challenge was being cognizant of not eating one bite too many and then throwing up. I tend to talk with friends and eat with out paying attention or taking a sip of a drink which was the end of me if I did!!!

Im a few months out and so far hasn't been bad. Its the waitresses that say the most!! I eat small bites so I always look like I'm chewing and push stuff on my plate around. I don't take long to eat, a few bites and I'm full. So I just do other things. Today at lunch with my new 7yr old i finished and we played eye spy (while she kept eating her lunch. Hilarious that she eats 3x what I do).

Next week I'm glad to be going to the obesityhelp conference where they will talk about this topic. If they share any good tid bits I'll post.

I had lunch at a restaurant with my father-in-law and his girlfriend today and it went well.

They didn't ask why I ate so little (probably assuming that I didn't like the chicken). Later my father-in-law insisted me to have some dessert I simply said No thank you but I cannot eat anymore, then his girlfriend asked, What is itM it's the medicine? Have you taken any medicine? (not sure if they noticed any change of my body but they didn't say anything). I just said no it's not medicine (almost bursted out that IT'S THE SURGERY!!, but I didn't hehe)

My husband was very helpful, he ate very slowly as well and luckily he didn't like much his food and had some left on his plate, while I had quite significant quantity of food left but noone said anything. Phewww

Menina. Don't overthink it or worry. Just order appropriate protein, eat slow. Keep fork in hand. Talk throughout. Enjoy speaking with your friends and take a bite occasionally

So today was the day. It didn't go great but I survived. I had a brunch AND business dinner. So at brunch I asked my daughter to share a meal with me. But I still could only eat two bites. I feel like it was noticed. But no one commented.

Then I had my work dinner. at the pre dinner hour I nursed a glass of wine and nibbled on a bread roll. The bread roll went down very easily. And I spread eating it out over an hour. Everyone else had starters. I was envious. It was a fancy restaurant with smaller portions. When it came time for our meals I ordered a small plate/appetizer of scallops. I don't know if it's because I'm barely out my 3rd week (mushies) or the bread or wine or all 3, but at scallop #2 I had to excuse myself and vomited in the bathroom. My fellow diners noticed that I wasn't touching my expensive meal. I blamed it on my brunch earlier and they ate the rest of my meal for me. As dinner ended I couldn't excuse myself fast enough to go be sick again. I just feel like I'm still to heavy to justify me not eating to my friends and co workers. I mean I obviously didn't get my figure by nibbling a few bites here and there. I wouldn't even east so little if was dieting

Now that that this is over I only have a happy hour date and one more company dinner to navigate this month.

I had to eat out early on too. If I didn't eat slow enough or there were fluids in my stomach (drank 15 min before or after) then it all came up. Its a learning experience for sure!!

You made it though. It will just get easier from here!

I promise you, nobody really cares about how much you eat. If you don't make a big deal out of it, they won't even notice.

@@Menina honestly I think it is way too early for you to be experimenting with bread and alcohol, no matter how slowly you eat/drink. I would really stay away from those things for the time being. Stick with food you can easily cut with a fork and water to drink (when eating out). Good luck!

I wish I could say people don't notice what I eat, but they do. I've been out numerous times with people from work, family , friends, etc. Any whether they know about my surgery or not, I always hear a comment. And the waiters always ask if the food was ok, due to lack of it being eaten. It's hard to come up with excuses. I try to split a meal if the situation arises!

So today was the day. It didn't go great but I survived. I had a brunch AND business dinner. So at brunch I asked my daughter to share a meal with me. But I still could only eat two bites. I feel like it was noticed. But no one commented. Then I had my work dinner. at the pre dinner hour I nursed a glass of wine and nibbled on a bread roll. The bread roll went down very easily. And I spread eating it out over an hour. Everyone else had starters. I was envious. It was a fancy restaurant with smaller portions. When it came time for our meals I ordered a small plate/appetizer of scallops. I don't know if it's because I'm barely out my 3rd week (mushies) or the bread or wine or all 3, but at scallop #2 I had to excuse myself and vomited in the bathroom. My fellow diners noticed that I wasn't touching my expensive meal. I blamed it on my brunch earlier and they ate the rest of my meal for me. As dinner ended I couldn't excuse myself fast enough to go be sick again. I just feel like I'm still to heavy to justify me not eating to my friends and co workers. I mean I obviously didn't get my figure by nibbling a few bites here and there. I wouldn't even east so little if was dieting Now that that this is over I only have a happy hour date and one more company dinner to navigate this month.

Was there not something appropriate with the starters? I would have had one piece of starter before having that bread.

At 3 weeks it is certainly too soon to have wine.