I've been in a relationship for the past 7 year's we have one daughter together and just got married this past October.

I've recently been approved for vsg in September. Through the whole pre-op process I constantly asked my husband if he was on board and comfortable with my decision and usually got something along the lines of "I support you with whatever you want to do, But I already think you're beautiful". I guess I'm not content with that and I keep asking and digging for a real answer because part of me feels like he's not telling me the whole truth, lately I've been talking to him about it and have been getting sarcastic remarks like "when we go out to eat you'll just get a water and a salad" *Said in the voice of a really snobby chick*.

I guess when I think about it a lot of our relationship revolves around food and drink and always has, I kind of feel like I'm taking away his bestfriend and the woman he fell in love with. I know they say a lot of marriages and relationships fall apart after wls and I'm not sure if I want my marriage or weight loss more.

I guess maybe this would be better put in the "Rant" section but I find more people read posts here and I just needed to get that off my chest.

First I would like to say being healthy is a choice that you need to make rather it be for surgery or just changing your eating habits. You need to be healthy for yourself first then your family. I hope your marriage improves with time good luck.

I understand how you feel completely! My husband and I have been married 25 years and most of our celebrations and date nights have revolved around food. We have decided that we are going to do new things like try out new hiking trails, go to the beach and walk the pier, walk some of the awesome bridges that we have here in florida! All that eating out wasnt doing either of us very good. It really is all about being together and celebrating each other. Dont focus on the lack of food think about all the other things that you will be able to discover and the long healthy life that you will now have!!

He's scared he's going to lose the woman he knows. And in some ways, he is. You *won't* look the same. You *won't* be able to do the same things together in the same way as before. And he can't know yet what the positives are going to be.

Even my husband of 22 years who is completely supportive of my decision has said things that tell me he's frightened. Not just for the surgery itself (he's definitely worried about complications), but also that I won't look like me. I've weighed over 200 lbs for most of our time together. He's used to me! And we have weekly dates where our typical routine is to go out to dinner and talk for a couple of hours. What will our dates look like now? We're neither one of us completely sure. But I have reassured him that it is his company I want, and I would be fine sitting there with my little steak or salmon and no Water (lol...this is a good procedure for us meat-eaters!) while he eats his regular meal.

Similarly, my best girlfriend and I go out to lunch and pedicures once a month or so--we were just talking about how that is going to need to change, at least for a few months after surgery. We discussed other options (the mall is at the top of our list...we both like shopping for clothes!), but I think she felt better for having the conversation and being reassured that I'm not going to stop wanting to see her.

Anyway, even though this is a time of intense mental and physical preparation for you, you're probably going to need to expend some energy on reassuring him that while the things you do might change, you're still wanting to invest in time with him.

Edited July 12, 201412 yr by 5BeautifulDays

My husband has also expressed concern that things will be different between us. He has been so supportive of this decision because he knows what a struggle my weight has been for me. However, like another member said, I've been over 200 pounds for the past 13 years and I've known him for 11 of them. He is afraid I will look different as he is attracted to me the way I am now. He does want me to be healthy, but my husband feeds me to show love because he knows how much I love food. I told him that I will still be me...just less of me. He is very much into working out, and I told him how much easier it will be for me to work out with him when I lose some weight. Hopefully when he sees how much more energy I have for "other things" (wink, wink) he will relax and enjoy the new me.

Candy

My husband was the same way, until I made him go to the information session with me and even though I knew what I was gonna get, I let him believe that he would decide for me. He (I) chose the VSG surgery. He said, "if you go with any one of them, I think you should go with the sleeve." Done! I proceeded with the pre-op procedures and kept him informed. I also share the process with my teens and they got on board with it as well. Next: eating out. Now there is a problem. Our family outings or date nights were always centered around food. Now, he and I at times don't know how to do this. It has diminished our times out all because they don't know where we/they can take me to eat. I always tell them that I can go anywhere and will order from the appetizer menu or the soup of the day. I still miss ordering large plates of food and enjoying them like they do. It is something that we still deal with. Eventually, they will come to terms with this and I will too.

HalloweenBaby24- I'm so sorry your having that issue with your hubby. I got lucky, mine is excited for me. And not in the "yay she will be thin" kinda way. He truly doesn't care if I'm big or small. But I explained to him all the good points of the surgery for him and he's excited. Perhaps you can do the same and it may change his attitude? For example, my hubby is very adventurous so when i told him i will be able to do things like camping, hiking, biking etc.. he perked up. But what REALLY got him on board and being my cheer leader? I told him I'll have more stamina and desire for sex. Lol he's even talking about eating better and exercising with me now! Good luck.

Bladefox- haha I did the same thing with my husband. I had him go to the teaching seminar and he said only the sleeve. He didn't like the sound of the other two. That was fine with me!