Hi everyone,

I am recovering currently from my third surgery to do with my lapband. After my first band I had a lot of success losing weight, however it reached a point after about a year where I was unable to eat and was vomiting almost immediately every time I ate. I lost about 30kgs this way, but was (obviously) very miserable, exhausted an tired all the time vomiting up coffee ground-like blood and in and out of hospital. People thought I had an eating disorder and it affected my relationships, moods and ability to complete my job properly.

The band was moving only when full so the first few attempts to find the issue were unsuccessful. Once we did an x-ray swallow with marshmallows to block the band and watched it move the issue became clear and I finally had a proper revision done about four years ago after starting full time work, and this was successful.

However after the dramas of the last band I tended to panic if anything became 'caught' in the band (and still do) and tended to drink to flush the food through - after so many spontaneous vomits I was really worried about not keeping food down, and so I wasn't following the diet properly and my weight ballooned up again. About fourtheen months ago I realised the band wasn't working, even with 6ml in there I had no restruction. I knew there was probably a leak in my band, however due to personal circumstances which I won't get into here I wasn't able to deal with the issue at the time both emotionally and in terms of taking time off work.

However, after seeing my weight ballooon higher than it was before the original surgery and becoming concerned that the band itself was perhaps a hazard to my health, last week I went in for a check up to confirm the band was leaking and was fast tracked into surgery to have my port replaced. I had this done on Thursday and am recovering well, although there's not much guideline on what to eat after this type of revision so I am stucking to Soups, soft scrambled eggs and low calorie drinks (mainly water).

I am struggling a lot with feelings of self-loathing and disgust that I've let myself get to this point however I am trying not to focus on these as I know they won't help me to succeed. Has anyone got a similar struggle-story that might help me see the light at the end of hte tunnel? I am so frustrated with myself. Also any books someone can recommend would be welcome too.

Sorry if this post is a bit rambly I just took some pain meds, usually I am quite articulate I promise.
Just looking for any advice, a friendly face and maybe even some tough love.

1st off , im sending you hugs ! Sorry you've been through such hell ! I have absolutely NO experiance in your band problem, as mine has always worked well. That being said, I think you're being waaaay too hard on yourself, as if this is all your fault ! Quit kicking yourself ! You have been through hell and you need to give yourself TIME to heal, body AND soul. Since you dont know what to eat anymore , you might want to schedule an appt. with a good NUT.to help you. Wishing you the best, and take it ONE day at a time , going FORWRD !!!! Good luck !!

I agree with Pink Dahlia. You need to visit with a bariatric nutritionist. Also, remove the thought that the band is supposed to work or do anything. We have to change our entire lifestyle to allow the band to work it's magic. 90% of this journey is on you and me and anyone who has the band.

That means being aware of the satiety soft stop signals and obeying them. It means eating like we should, slow, chewing a lot and eating very small bites. And never ever try to remedy a stuck episode by drinking more fluids.

Good Luck.

Hi thanks for your replies,

I am not sure if there's a Bariatric nutritionist I can access included in my after care but I will look into it.

Feels a little counterintuitive ATM to be having liquids and purées but I know I need to recover from surgery before I start up on the plan again.

Thanks so much for the advice.

Cheers.