female only Kinda Personal Question

[HeatherSchwartz 43]

I want to know if anyone feels like me and if getting WLS helps..Since being overweight I have ZERO desire to have any "relations" with my husband. Yes I do it to please him but its like OK let's get this over with..it really hurts his feelings. I just don't feel sexy. I tell him I feel like a blob and just plain ugly and he tells me I'm beautiful. BYW he has the body of a God and women actually stop and stare. So does the desire come back? I sure hope so

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

It is different for different people. But, when the physical changes, the psychological can change too. This can be in the positive and the negative. Sometimes, you swap feeling fat and unattractive for thinner and concerned over excess skin, sagging boobs, etc. Or, you get thinner and can think wooooooooo hooooooo! Bring it on.

Sadly there are no hard and fast (scuse the pun) rules on this one. I would say, however, that on balance, weight loss is great for libido.

If you're worried about it, I would go and talk to your doctor. Be honest with them. Maybe they can give you some hormones which will help 'pep you up' a bit. Better still, they could give you some hormones and provide you with a bit of counselling.

Sounds like your self esteem has been a bit battered and you need to feel a bit better about yourself. No harm in that. We have all walked the same path in some guise or other.

Your husband loves you. He's obviously a lovely guy - inside and out. Embrace his support and his needs, too. Mustn't be very nice to know you're only sleeping with him because you feel you have to. He, too, needs to be desired.

Don't be fearful. Surgery to change the physical is just one facet which could help.

However, maybe its time to ask for a little help with the other facets, too - for him and for you. x

[HeatherSchwartz 43]

Thank you so much Madam. It helps to hear things from other people's perspective. I must say my husband is fabulous, loving, and understanding. I am truly blessed. WLS or not will ever change that )

[BellaHugz 331]

I would say taking the first step with WLS is great. What is also important is to work on your body and mind as well so when the weight comes off you will be able to adjust your thought process as well. II must admit at first your mind is the hardest thing to adjust to this new life style and having the ability to talk with someone does help.

Edited March 30, 2014 by BellaHugz

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

things are better with my H and i. sex is more fun and i enjoy it more. i still have issues with desire that i think are more emotional than anything. but i do think my hormone issues are much much better. i am off of meds for PMDD, my periods have become regular again, and i am certainly way more interested than i was pre surgery! i think surgery can really help, but honestly, you are going to have to do some inside work too, as you are gonna lose weight but you're gonna get saggy to. just losing weight isnt going to magically make you like your body. to like your body again and feel sexy is going to take some work on your part. take a look at some of the books on Amazon about desire and learning to love your body. there are a lot of good books there to read.

i bought and read this book a few years ago and my H and i are reading it together again. just an FYI. http://www.soundstrue.com/shop/The-Enlightened-Sex-Manual/2996.pd

Edited March 31, 2014 by moonlitestarbrite

[Smokey 220 110]

Ok I have a different twist. Before my surgery, I really enjoyed sex. I was big but everything was filled out. My big boobs had my big belly to rest on. The skin was tight, it was filled with fat but it was tight. I knew what positions worked for me and my at the time boyfriend had no complaints with my sexual confidence.

Now 77lbs later, when my legs go up the loose skin comes down, we aren't gonna discuss the boobs during Dawg...lol, my apron makes more noise than I ever could. My new boyfriend says he could care less about any of that stuff he adores my body extra skin ad all but I know my confidence is down and it's effecting my enjoyment. I still have the desire and all the hormones are doing there job, I'm in a mind funk!! I'm glad I'm healthy and would not change anything I've been thru but I wasn't ready for this part of the post op.

Thanks for letting me rant and sorry if that was a bit Tmi for some of y'all. Does anyone else feel that way??

[Madam Reverie 2,958]

Ok I have a different twist. Before my surgery, I really enjoyed sex. I was big but everything was filled out. My big boobs had my big belly to rest on. The skin was tight, it was filled with fat but it was tight. I knew what positions worked for me and my at the time boyfriend had no complaints with my sexual confidence.

Now 77lbs later, when my legs go up the loose skin comes down, we aren't gonna discuss the boobs during Dawg...lol, my apron makes more noise than I ever could. My new boyfriend says he could care less about any of that stuff he adores my body extra skin ad all but I know my confidence is down and it's effecting my enjoyment. I still have the desire and all the hormones are doing there job, I'm in a mind funk!! I'm glad I'm healthy and would not change anything I've been thru but I wasn't ready for this part of the post op.

Thanks for letting me rant and sorry if that was a bit Tmi for some of y'all. Does anyone else feel that way??

Oh, I hear this... I find music, a good bra and the lights off helps a bit

[moonlitestarbrite 902]

Ok I have a different twist. Before my surgery, I really enjoyed sex. I was big but everything was filled out. My big boobs had my big belly to rest on. The skin was tight, it was filled with fat but it was tight. I knew what positions worked for me and my at the time boyfriend had no complaints with my sexual confidence.

Now 77lbs later, when my legs go up the loose skin comes down, we aren't gonna discuss the boobs during Dawg...lol, my apron makes more noise than I ever could. My new boyfriend says he could care less about any of that stuff he adores my body extra skin ad all but I know my confidence is down and it's effecting my enjoyment. I still have the desire and all the hormones are doing there job, I'm in a mind funk!! I'm glad I'm healthy and would not change anything I've been thru but I wasn't ready for this part of the post op.

Thanks for letting me rant and sorry if that was a bit Tmi for some of y'all. Does anyone else feel that way??

yup, all this shit takes a lot of getting used to! my H tells me my boobs have shrunk... but i am wearing the same cup size! everything is just so freaking new!

[Smokey 220 110]

Oh, I hear this... I find music, a good bra and the lights off helps a bit

My man is a breast man, so the bra would stay on about 5 secs but I may be able to dim down the lights. I'm a bit distracted by background music. I can listen for a bit but if I lose focus on the task at hand it can mean disaster!! Hahaha