In the 4 months since my surgery I have lost about 66 pounds. I am feeling great. I went from size 18 jeans to a size 8. I have energy to exercise, I can cross my legs, I am called thin! It's all amazing and surreal. The problem? Dealing with other people and particularly my family. I want them to be supportive but they're not. My husband almost seems angry about my surgery and the fact that I am shrinking. I used to excitedly announce everytime I went into a new pants size and I can see now that it bothers him. He is not happy for me. He admits he is jealous and he says I took the easy way out. I tried to have a conversation with him last night and it turned into a fight. I don't want my marriage to fail over this but I don't know how to deal with what is happening. My kids don't want to hear about it. My daughters roll their eyes and share the attitude of their father. Some of my friends act like I have the plague. None of them understand. The emotional aspect of wls is much tougher to deal with than I ever imagined. I am happy for me. I have a new self confidence but I feel like when others see it they would rather me be the old fat depressed person.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

<p>Wow. Thank you all for your advice and support. I needed the perspective of people who understand and have experience with this. I have to say this journey is more interesting than I ever could have imagined. </p> <p> </p> <p>My husband is overweight. I understand that he is envious and having a hard time with this. I would probably be the same way if roles were reversed and I will have to try to be more sympathetic. It was interesting at work today. One of the janitors walked in and stopped to compliment me. I couldn't help it with as low as I was feeling after last night I burst into tears. I thanked him and told him how much his compliment meant to me. Poor guy. I think he thought I was crazy. I am going to embrace those compliments and keep my thoughts to myself at home. </p> <p> </p> <p>Madame Reverie I really appreciate the time you took with your lengthy post. So much good advice. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.</p>

Has he thought about having the surgery?

You're most welcome - sincerely.

I hate to admit it, but I'm a verbose SOB.. So typing war and peace takes very little time for me.

Regular Tolstoy, I am... Just glad it made sense.

I wish you and your family the best of luck.

x

I believe it was Blaise Pascal who said "Had I had more time, this letter would have been shorter."

Man I so understand this. No one talks to me about what I'm going through, with the exception of my BF (but he HAS to listen to me). I wish it were different, because I have a lot I'd like to share about my lapband experience.

My friends? No one says a thing. The most astounding thing to me is two of my closest friends, who practically walked beside me the day I went in for my surgery..in other words, they saw me at my highest weight...have seen me three times since my surgery and have not said ONE WORD to me. In fact, the last time they saw me, I said "don't I look like I'm losing weight?" and they are all, "Uh-huh." That's it. Not one more word of support or even a question about how I'm doing/feeling.

What's up with that? Is it that they've seen me lose weight so many times they fear supporting this iteration of my weight loss? Am I still so fat it makes no difference that I've lost 53 pounds? Or do they just think this is a private subject and don't want to mention it?

In any case, it really makes me mad, and I can understand your feelings because I share them.

I'm only eight weeks out and already I can see the faces of my family members gloss over when I start to talk about my experience. I am obsessed, I know. But I have to be. It sucks but I'm going to try not speaking about it unless I'm spoken to. Thankfully the hubby has changed his diet with me and we're going to the gym. So we just talk about it together. Maybe your friends just aren't sure how to deal with your changes.

My husband will not have the surgery. It's not for everybody and I understand that and respect his decision so he should also respect mine. I think that he does it just scares him that I am losing so quickly and changing fast. I think that he is afraid it will change who I am and in a way it will and already has, I just hope he will see that it is a good change in the long run.

We had a conversation about our little argument the other night and he apologized and admitted that he is a little jealous of my accomplishment. He said it's frustrating that he is still overweight and it won't come off as quickly for him. I told him there is no hurry as long as he is getting healthier. He agreed to counseling as well which I think will do both of us good.

I decided to keep my accomplishments to myself amongst my friends and family unless they ask. The last thing I want is for them to look at me as though I am bragging (although I do have bragging rights). I am trying to have a better understanding of their feelings.

So things are looking up for the moment.

One last thing. I went to the local department store today to pick up a dress I had ordered. As I was walking through the store I saw this lady walking towards me. She kept coming directly at me and I even wondered, is she going to walk right into me. I looked down and continued walking and glanced up again. I realized the lady was ME! I was looking at my own reflection in a mirror in the distance. I didn't recognize my own reflection! It made me laugh. I really have changed.

Thanks again for all the support and advice!

My daughters are going threw this with me, they still glazed over when I talk about it with them..under their breath they call me a 'food nazi''...I HEARD THAT!!!!..(brats!!!)

My daughters are going threw this with me, they still glazed over when I talk about it with them..under their breath they call me a 'food nazi''...I HEARD THAT!!!!..(brats!!!)

Ha ha ha! I say "I HEARD THAT" a lot with my daughters, too. What? Do they think I'm deaf?

Totaloser I am sorry that you gave no family support but be proud of your self for being healthy let no one take that away from you or you be ashame. I would find me a therapist ASAP it a family therapist so that you and your family can collectively work together to discuss their fears, emotions, and changes . Your friends sound jealous . I would drop them like a bad habit , true friends love you unconditionally , there are no strings attach. We are here from you please feel free to email me . Good luck and stein congrats on your decision to be healthy .

I have a group of online horse friends... all lifelong athletic and trim ladies. They were thrilled for me BUT have zero understanding of the ups and downs and emotional journey. My feelings were hurt until I realized that they had no reason to understand it. They had always been trim. They were like "crap, get over it, nobody cares". Then I just reset expectations. I share my joys and sorrows HERE and basically don't talk to most people in my real life or horse life about it unless they ask me. Even then, I stay reserved about it. Why, because they just don't care. They don't want me to be depressed, they just want me to get on with living life. Being normal size is not something in their world is worth celebrating, know what i mean?

I had a long term relationship. I had lost 125# and he hadn't said a word. Not a negative word, not a positive word. Now that hurt and then I realized he didn't care either because we really weren't still in a relationship, i just didn't know it yet. So, I share that so you know it could be worse....

What an insightful perspective your story of your online horse friends provides. When someone we know is diagnosed with cancer or any serious or life-threatening disease, most of us respond with sympathy and at least some degree of understanding of what that means. For whatever reason or reasons, obesity solicits a completely different response. Folks who have never experienced it simply have no frame of reference. They don't realize that obesity is a progressive, life-threatening disease. They don't understand the lifelong battles that have been fought and lost - again and again.

It doesn't make them bad people. They simply do not have the knowledge and emotional basis for understanding how life changing bariatric surgery really is. I believe there is an important lesson there for all of us.

Edited February 18, 201412 yr by DLCoggin

I just spotted this thread. I have a similar situation with my sister. She and I are very close and till last year, both very heavy as well. I'm now considerably smaller than she is and wanted to make sure my weight loss did not affect our relationship. I talk about it as little as possible and usually only when she initiates the conversation. So far so good.

I needed this thread more than I ever knew. Just had a disagreement with my husband about his lack of understanding and so forth regarding my pending procedure.. A rather unproductive conversation, but such life. I may need to vent in here from time to time. Sheesh

I can say I am experiencing this in different ways too!

My husband is great, my biggest supporter through this pre-op period. My sisters are all thin like 125 thin. So they are excited for me but also there is a side tension happening. When we talk about the up coming months and my personal goal weight which is 150-180 I am 5'9. They keep saying that is too thin. You should not get that small! I was in shock at first I mean do they forget their own weights and sizes?

Then I have been thinking about it, in life everyone has roles... The baby, the oldest the smartest.

I have always been the strongest, hardest, toughest...and my size played a role in that... I was never the one who got carried, picked up, threw in pools, or sat on others laps... That was all them... They were the gentle, quiet, giggles.

For once in my life I want all those things I want to be seen different.

I am glad I at least have the support of my husband and he can help with the comments and statements... I don't even think they understand...

So today I cried in the dressing room. Happy tears! I was a size 18/20 jeans the day of surgery. Today I fit into a size 6! I won't share this with my family or friends so I will share it here. I love my sleeve. Best decision I ever made.

You are right. They don't understand. I think back to about a year ago when my boss was losing weight. I told her she looked great but she should stop now before she gets too thin. I think I felt threatened by her weight loss. I get the same comments from people now. They say I should stop losing now. Seeing it from this side is different. I now feel like I should apologize to my boss for the comment. Funny thing is she hasn't said a word to me about my loss. Not one comment.

I realized that this is an adjustment for me and all my family and friends. Me and my husband went to our first counseling session and I think it will be a big help for both of us to talk about our feelings and concerns. Your body starts changing so fast after surgery it's shocking. It's exciting for the person losing but it can be very threatening to those around us.

I'm excited for you. It will be the best thing you have done for yourself and you will feel amazing!

I am reading back on some old post and wanted to give a quick update. I had surgery 4/28/14 and am currently down 81 since surgery and 125 since beginning of journey.

It has been a huge adjustment in relationships and to be honest it seems to be all my issue.

I do not know how to take compliments from others. I do not know how to be the center of attention when I now enter a room, not based on anything except my weight change.

Friends and family have adjusted to the new me and are trying to find normal, but I struggle with the new relationships.

I know they still do not get it. Even now when the changes are very noticeable. They are supportive and kind and loving. They do not get my own struggles with the reality of it all. I do not know how to not be the Fat sister, friend or daughter.

I am learning and happy to have them there with me and I just let go of any comments or statements that are said in love but miss the mark.