So I have the best parents ever! They r so very supportive of me and help me out with whatever they can do. I am a single mom of a very defiant 13 year old young man. With that being said, my mom is the one who took me up to get my surgery done while my son stayed with my dad. I had a few complications but 4days later I was able to come home. My mom is disabled and can not do the stairs tobgetbto my house so she insisted on us staying with her. That way she can make sure my son gwts to school and eats healthy and she can make sure I am ok. Ok so I am a lucky girl... with that all said....

My mom and my son fight like they r both 2! I want to go home but then I can't drive yet I am in so much pain still and I cant cook for him.

What can I do? I told my son this morning that I was sorry for her behavior and that I needed her help. I have tried to lay boundaries but somehow they ate invisible with her. Any advice?

Or how about when children grow up to be adults who appear to have little social awareness and are uneccesarily harsh in the delivery of their opinion?

If deploying playground level psycho-babble is the order of the day here, then maybe - and this is just a thought - that those with little social awareness and an apparent inability to tailor their communications to their audience, may, themselves, have required a 'softer, more understanding hand' when they were growing up?

Who knows? It might have cultivated a more measured, inclusive and empathetic attitude?

With a few more hugs and words of gentle encouragement, it could then have prevented the somewhat disproportionately aggressive high-handed judgement and advice intoned on others - no matter how well intentioned - and allow for the fostering of effective and warm relations with all participants? Not, as it appears, for it to have been delivered out of frustrated aggression which has ultimately undermined the core tenets and value of what has been said and affected the social marginalisation of the message bearer?

Now there's a thought...

Right. Time for my smoking jacket, warm fire, Freud compendium and slippers, methinks....

Oh, now everyone on here must be people pleasers. I should have said... Oh, I'm sooo sorry you are going through what you are going through. It will get better and that child will learn to listen to what he is told. It may not happen now but one day he will. Keep your head up!!!.

This is America, which means I have the right to say whatever I want. It's not my problem it is hers. Enough said moving forward and get a life with that dumb pic.

Edited February 9, 201412 yr by ladyd728

Nothing is going to make me change my mind on what I said. They can take the advise or not. The way I was raised was wonderful. I'm excellent on my job 13 years in the medical field. I know how to communicate with people and when to do so but once again this isn't my problem, it is hers and she will have to live with it.

And..... I rest my case.....

I am actually sitting here with my mouth agape by the incredibly uncompassionate things being said here.

I cannot imagine what would possess someone to come to a place of support and treat people in such a manner. How shameful.

Madam, EXCELLENT comment. I love the way you nuked little-miss-inappropriate ;) but of course it went wayyyy over her MD head (she did said she's a doctor, didn't she?) CLEARLY, BANDits get a lapband around their stomach, not their BRAIN.... Much less their hearts. It's obvious someone SELF MEDICATES.

A gentle reminder, before this goes further south, that we can disagree and not make personal attacks on each other. No, we don't have to all be warm and fuzzy and agree with everything that's said. Constructive criticism is welcome (or should be anyway), personal attacks are not.

I'm so happy that I have gotten everyones attention in this situation. This woman came on here saying the child is VERY...her words...VERY defiant..I didn't say that she did. I have given my opinion and my advise on what she should/could do for him. You all got upset with the counseling and medication and that is fine, but it was advise. When your doctor suggested medication or for you to seek surgery for losing weight did you get upset THEN. Since everyone is so concerned for this woman, you all need to say something encouraging to her and leave me alone. Get on your knees and pray for her, her child, her mom and for God to soften my "heart".

Please say something to this lady because she wanted advise not me. She doesn't have to seek counseling or meds if she didn't think he need it. But I'm sure a big brother program or the boycotts wouldn't hurt either. He is not doing neither one because if he was, he wouldn't be fussing back at the grandmother like he is two. He would know not to talk back and to accept what was being said. Once again we let children run our lives and we blame the adult.

This is your world I'm just passing through.

We understand, lady7000, your life and child are so perfect you need to come here and create discourse and spew the same things OVERRRRRRRRR and OVERRRRRRRR and OVERRRRRRR again. You're on the wrong forum. We are all "beneath" you with all you knowledge and your 13 years working as a doctor so just go <~~~~~~ thata way and maybe we can get back to what's important.

Okay, no one stated they were a doctor...

Lets follow SoccerMom's advice, shall we?

Edited February 9, 201412 yr by Madam Reverie

I'm sorry, what were we talking about again?....sorry, seemed to have some anger building up on here and I thought I'd try to lighten the mood....I may need meds now... :-)

Again, let's just agree to disagree. I'm not disagreeing with either message, I'm disagreeing with how they are being presented. If you have an issue with each other, either suck it up and get over it, or take off the public boards. This argument is of no value what so ever to the OP. Both sides have had their say, it's time to drop it or at least return it to a more respectful level.

Slap myself for being ignorant? I'm not the one on the internet prescribing medication for people I have never met. So doc what do you prescribe for a defiant child? Some Benadryl? Make em take a nap? :rolls eyes:

eyoung, hope you recover quickly so you and your son can get back to your routine in your home. Your mom really means well and loves you both, but this situation is difficult for all of you. I'm not going to give you any advice just a sympathetic ear. Hang in there!

I think it's wonderful that u reached out to us. Sometimes it's easier to talk to people you don't really know for some unbiased opinions. It's great to be able to see all sides. As far as your son and his grandmother arguing goes, I think it's just a big misunderstanding between generations. He is at an age where he's going to rebel just a bit and she is from another time where children didn't act out to their elders. I agree that kids today really test their boundaries and come across as disrespectful when really they are good kids. They need to know they are loved first and most importantly and I'm sure you provide that. Maybe directing his energy away from himself would be a good thing. Have you ever thought about getting him involved in some sort of charity work such as volunteering for projects to help those in need? He's not too young and the kids learn sooo much about how tough life really is for some. It opens their eyes to more of the world and not just their own little world. Habitat for humanity has a youth program that is really cool. He would meet other kids who are all working together doing something wonderful for someone less fortunate. When they are finished, they get to experience what it's like to help someone and the pride in himself will grow tremendously! I think u would see a new young man emerge as someone with a lot more respect and both u and his grandma will see that beautiful young boy mature into a compassionate and self confident man. I wish u well with this situation, I know it's tough and I'm sure you feel trapped in the middle. Anger breeds more anger so this is just another option. Take care of yourself! Im just another mom (of two beautiful girls).

Edited February 9, 201412 yr by XXShelXX