All,

I am new here. My initial consult is scheduled for next week. I have a question: Has anyone done the surgery without letting friends and relatives know? My husband and daughters are very supportive and ofcourse they know. But I am thinking of not telling anyone else. Scared that people will not understand my reasons, including my own brother who is a doctor. Wondering if anyone has done this. What were your reasons and have you been able to maintain your secret?

Edited January 21, 201412 yr by bigloser2014

I had my surgery in March 2013. I decided only to tell my husband, my parents, and my stepdaughter. Everything went well...at first. Then complications arose and I was in icu for several days and then after a week out of the hospital I was back in for a leak for 16 more days. Needless to say people found out. Mostly because my mom who came to help out started posting crap on Facebook. Not everyone knew what surgery I had just that I had a surgery. Ultimately I have a handful of friends I told and a couple family members. Good luck to you whatever you may decide.

I had my surgery in July,2013. I told my family and close friends. Two of my brothers are physicians and are very supportive. I think everyone saw this as saving my life. Now just about everyone at work knows, but they too have been very supportive. Some of the support has come from unexpected places. I feel truly blessed. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Consider this - it may seem a little sad or a totally different topic, but this is honest:

I had a friend that I grew up with in school. She was a skinny bean pole, quiet, and not happy. She was also very flat chested. We lost contact after HS and life moved on. 10 years after, I ran into her and she was BEAUTIFUL - 3 kids, happy, successful and large chested. She liked me a lot and it was probably something she felt obligated to say so she sprung it on me that she had gotten breast augmentation. Honestly, I would not have cared - and it really wasn't even my business. HOWEVER, it has stayed in my mind since then. When I see her now, I never think of her as the beautiful friend, mom of 3, happy successful friend - and although I have not labeled her, I think of her ALWAYS as my beautiful friend with breast implants. Personally, although I mean no harm by it, I WISH I WOULD NOT THINK OF HER THIS WAY. It is neither mean nor purposeful and I love her dearly. I would have supported and I DO support her augmentation. But my point is that I will ALWAYS think of this now.

I NEVER wanted people to do this with me and my RNY. Additionally, I too have breast implants - another surgery no one knows of nor needs to know. I was heavy when I did it so it was not immediately obvious to anyone. Now that I have lost a sh*t-ton of weight though, I think people wonder how my boobs are still so "fat".

Even those who dont judge nor ever intend to, will indeed label you - this includes your family and closest friends. I am not telling anyone what to do, and for the most part I never really gave a crap what others thought of me.

Also, my 2 brunette friends who had breast cancer and got implants, are not remembered as "Cancer survivors". They are constantly labeled the Boobie-Twins. I know people mean no harm by this, but still......

Edited January 24, 201412 yr by Cherry

Bigloser2014, I am in the same spot as you, as the only person that knows I am having the surgery is My fiance, I didn't even tell my kids cause I don't want them to worry, but they also have very big mouths. I do not want anyone knowing cause I am always had a fear of failing. I always feel like I am the outcast of the family and no one approves of anything I do. So I just would rather keep this to myself. There is only one other person we have told which is our best friend, and I know he wouldn't say anything to anyone, so this is the way we are keeping it till I can prove to myself I am not a failure!!!!

I too had a secret surgery, hence why I don't have a pic of myself on this site out of paranoia that someone I know may have done this and tell my family . My husband knows and one of my out of state friends, who is my fibromyalgia penpal knows, but that's it.

I have been able to easily hide it because I moved away from family and friends and live in a very rural area and I have no friends where I currently live.

However, my husband and I are planning to move back home and I'm not sure how I am going to hide the way I eat. My family and a friend back home know that I lost weight, but they think that it is from a combination of me eating healthy for over a year and from me losing my appetite a lot from my fibro flare-ups.

It will be hard to eat so little when I am around them, so although I have another 6 months before I return home, I am a lil bit worried about that.

Just wanted to share this so you will know that you are not alone .

Emeree, I know how you feel, and to hide it really sucks, but you know what don't worry about how much you eat, and if you want to keep it a secret after they see you, then just tell them it's your new way of eating, portion control. That's what I am going to do. I just don't want to be criticized!!! I know I can't do this without the surgery, as I have tried so many times and failed, so this will force me to do it the right way and I will and I know you can too!!! Use the next 6 Months to get yourself together and don't worry what they all say cause you did this for you and your life no one else!!!

Thanks for all the suggestions, support & understanding. I am glad to know that I am not alone. I have decided to wait till I get my surgery date and then decide who to tell. I may just tell my brother, who is a Physican. I think he will understand that the choice is between this surgery or facing other major health issues in the very near future. There is no choice!

I am preop but I see this as a medical procedure not a cosmetic one. I will probably tell everyone because likely they are going to speculate and I would never want to be in a situation where someone told their obese friend well Brandy lost 120 lbs why can't you with them thinking I only cut portion sizes. I think I would have been more open to surgery sooner if people talked about it. I have told some people and not everyone was supportive and one was negative.

If someone judges me for it well that's on them and its someone I wouldn't want in my life anyways because they probably judge me for way more than the surgery and I don't want negative people in my life.

BrandNewBrandy, I know that you feel that telling people is the right way to go, but I guess it's also the person having the surgery's own opinion as to tell or not. Maybe there are other circumstances for not saying anything. I know I have my own reasons for keeping it to myself, and I will not be telling anyone that I do not want to know till I am ready. I just feel I don't want everyone to know till I know that I have things under control and I can explain to the ones I want that I am doing the best thing for me. As my work people we are a small company and they are all very thin and healthy and they just wouldn't understand my reasoning. I am the only one here that has a problem with my weight and health problems, they are all very uptight people and they are just weird. So those are some of the reasons I have decided to go on the route of not telling people. I feel this isn't a process I need people to help me get through its a process for me to get myself through, and I love being able to come on here and talk to people and get ideas, and what not but that is cause you all are not judgemental cause of the fact that you have all had it done, and have been through all the challenges I have and that bigloser2014 has been through so I can feel at ease and comfortable on here, but when it comes to everyone else, that is just not the way it's going to happen. This is my battle not anyone elses.

I have no intentions of telling anyone other than my husband, and my daughter but her after it's done......

All,

I am new here. My initial consult is scheduled for next week. I have a question: Has anyone done the surgery without letting friends and relatives know? My husband and daughters are very supportive and ofcourse they know. But I am thinking of not telling anyone else. Scared that people will not understand my reasons, including my own brother who is a doctor. Wondering if anyone has done this. What were your reasons and have you been able to maintain your secret?

Yes my husband is da only one that knows my family criticized me so im going behind everyones backs. ..

I have told very few people about my surgery..Had intentions of having it coming home and getting down to business and looking like I was on a supervised diet............That failed miserably...So After 5 months in the hospital due to complications with the WLS I fibbed and said I had scar tissue removed from my stomach due to ulcers and went septic..........

So far so good,,only a few know and I plan on keeping it that way until the book comes out...lol

I have told very few people about my surgery..Had intentions of having it coming home and getting down to business and looking like I was on a supervised diet............That failed miserably...So After 5 months in the hospital due to complications with the WLS I fibbed and said I had scar tissue removed from my stomach due to ulcers and went septic.......... So far so good,,only a few know and I plan on keeping it that way until the book comes out...lol

Oh my goodness!!! 5 months in the hospital?!?

I have told very few people about my surgery..Had intentions of having it coming home and getting down to business and looking like I was on a supervised diet............That failed miserably...So After 5 months in the hospital due to complications with the WLS I fibbed and said I had scar tissue removed from my stomach due to ulcers and went septic.......... So far so good,,only a few know and I plan on keeping it that way until the book comes out...lol

Oh my goodness!!! 5 months in the hospital?!?

yup...after 5 months of nursing care and still dealing with issues..Oh it is a long story..But imagine how hard it was to fluff that without telling the truth...lol

BrandNewBrandy, I know that you feel that telling people is the right way to go, but I guess it's also the person having the surgery's own opinion as to tell or not. Maybe there are other circumstances for not saying anything. I know I have my own reasons for keeping it to myself, and I will not be telling anyone that I do not want to know till I am ready. I just feel I don't want everyone to know till I know that I have things under control and I can explain to the ones I want that I am doing the best thing for me. As my work people we are a small company and they are all very thin and healthy and they just wouldn't understand my reasoning. I am the only one here that has a problem with my weight and health problems, they are all very uptight people and they are just weird. So those are some of the reasons I have decided to go on the route of not telling people. I feel this isn't a process I need people to help me get through its a process for me to get myself through, and I love being able to come on here and talk to people and get ideas, and what not but that is cause you all are not judgemental cause of the fact that you have all had it done, and have been through all the challenges I have and that bigloser2014 has been through so I can feel at ease and comfortable on here, but when it comes to everyone else, that is just not the way it's going to happen. This is my battle not anyone elses.

I understand peoples reasoning to not tell. It is a decision for each person to make. Some people are just more private with all aspects of their life in general and that's okay too I am well aware that people will probably judge me whether I say something or not. That's on them though and not my issue, it's theirs. I have enough work to do on myself without burdening myself with other people's issues.

I have been criticized my entire life for being fat and there is no way in hell I'm going to criticized once I'm healthy because I had WLS. No fricken way. That's why I'm not telling people.