I am so ashamed of what I have become. I am at the heaviest I have ever been. I can't believe that I let it get this far. I will hopefully be able to get vgs in January. When I get my new insurance. I dont want to have sex with my fiancée or fiance which ever. I don't like to think about me being naked let alone having someone see me.

Blah. Time to go to sleep and hopefully wake up with my emotions back in check so I wont feel anything.

Just remember that he loves you for what is on the inside, and proposed to you just the way you are. I went from a size 14 (when we got married) to a 24, and now back to a size 10. My husband has always been attracted to me, he has told me that he is attracted to my confidence, personality, brain, and my sense of humor.

Hey, Ms Marylou, hope you wake up ready to look forward. What you weigh isn't the sum total of who you are, although it might feel like it. Your fiance loves you for you - if he didn't, he wouldn't be with you...

You are already on the road to changing things if you are considering VSG. Most people on this site will recognise the sound of desperation in what you say. Why not tell yourself that this is as bad as it gets and that today you will start to make better food choices as you get ready for the new life ahead. It isn't easy, I hated myself and I hated my body. But you know what they say about how to eat an elephant - one bite at a time! Might look hard to take back control of what you eat, but do little things and that will start to improve how you feel about yourself.

Hang in there, if you go for VSG it will change your life beyond recognition. Wont be easy but it will be worth it. And your fiancé will still love you, whatever size you are :-)))))

I am so ashamed of what I have become. I am at the heaviest I have ever been. I can't believe that I let it get this far. I will hopefully be able to get vgs in January. When I get my new insurance. I dont want to have sex with my fiancée or fiance which ever. I don't like to think about me being naked let alone having someone see me.

Blah. Time to go to sleep and hopefully wake up with my emotions back in check so I wont feel anything.

I understand exactly how you feel. I let myself get all the way up to 267 by far my heaviest. I have been with my bf for 5 years and we hardly have sex anymore. i feel disgusting and completley unsexy and he just doesnt get that. he says he still finds me attractive and i have to try to accept that and believe it.. things will get better just keep the big picture in mind. You are taking steps to becoming a healthier you

if you ever want to talk pm me. and good luck on your journey

Edited November 4, 201312 yr by hopeliveshere