So I was banded on Oct 14th after a very long obese journey. For years I knew I needed and wanted to do this but everything else always came first. My husband, my kids, my job......long line. Once kids came, I became forgotten. I did everything for them my entire life and I always came 2nd then 3rd over everything else. Finally I thought.....its my turn. So I went thru the process, 6 months classes, psych consult, nutrition consult, ugi, blood work....and the surgery.

Then why do I keep worrying about everyone else!!! As I sit here and write this I start to tear up. What did I do that was so wrong? I love my kids with all my heart. My daughter, 19, decided college wasnt for her. I get it- she doesnt know what she wants to do for a career better to do this then waste money and build up loans. Not everyone goes to school. But my god---get a JOB! Her whole life she has always been extrememly petite. She is 4'9 and weights 110 pounds, long blond hair, green eyes. ALways was a popular cheerleader in school. But school is over. She is not the brightest bulb in the pack-but i love her with all my heart. We got her a car because she was out of high school and did need one for her to do something with her life, Well last week she totaled it! She is fine-thank goodness but I dont believe her story. Actually I find myself not believing anything she says. Why cant I trust her? I need to let this go. She is 19. I cant control her forever. I ask god every day to give me strength to deal with it and I ask him to lead her down the right path. She gives me chest pains.

Then theres my 15 year old son. Still in high school, plays basketball-and hes really good at it. They are night and day. He is a cuddle bug who loves his mom. She loves me-dont get me wrong- but she doesnt show it like he does. He wants to go out and work at Mcdonalds because they hire 15 year olds and I cant get her to go get a job.

She doesnt want a job where she is front and center....she wants behind the scenes.....

GIVE ME STRENGTH TO HANDLE THIS AND ALSO THE STRENGTH TO BE TRUE TO ME AND MY BAND!

Thanks for listening(tears stopped)

I don't quite know where to begin with this one. Many of us have families and are juggling all the balls at once....kids, spouses, jobs, finances, etc. etc.

I will say that having made myself a priority has made a huge difference in the entire dynamic of my house. Because I am so much stronger in every way, everything around me is that much better too. Sometimes kids can't come first if you want them to be the best they can be, I truly believe that. It has nothing to do with loving them less than yourself, it has everything to do with taking care of the key player which is you.

Good luck with everything.

Oh, and your daughter is an adult and needs to get moving on her life so that yours can be the best it needs to be.

So I was banded on Oct 14th after a very long obese journey. For years I knew I needed and wanted to do this but everything else always came first. My husband' date=' my kids, my job......long line. Once kids came, I became forgotten. I did everything for them my entire life and I always came 2nd then 3rd over everything else. Finally I thought.....its my turn. So I went thru the process, 6 months classes, psych consult, nutrition consult, ugi, blood work....and the surgery. Then why do I keep worrying about everyone else!!! As I sit here and write this I start to tear up. What did I do that was so wrong? I love my kids with all my heart. My daughter, 19, decided college wasnt for her. I get it- she doesnt know what she wants to do for a career better to do this then waste money and build up loans. Not everyone goes to school. But my god---get a JOB! Her whole life she has always been extrememly petite. She is 4'9 and weights 110 pounds, long blond hair, green eyes. ALways was a popular cheerleader in school. But school is over. She is not the brightest bulb in the pack-but i love her with all my heart. We got her a car because she was out of high school and did need one for her to do something with her life, Well last week she totaled it! She is fine-thank goodness but I dont believe her story. Actually I find myself not believing anything she says. Why cant I trust her? I need to let this go. She is 19. I cant control her forever. I ask god every day to give me strength to deal with it and I ask him to lead her down the right path. She gives me chest pains. Then theres my 15 year old son. Still in high school, plays basketball-and hes really good at it. They are night and day. He is a cuddle bug who loves his mom. She loves me-dont get me wrong- but she doesnt show it like he does. He wants to go out and work at Mcdonalds because they hire 15 year olds and I cant get her to go get a job. She doesnt want a job where she is front and center....she wants behind the scenes..... GIVE ME STRENGTH TO HANDLE THIS AND ALSO THE STRENGTH TO BE TRUE TO ME AND MY BAND! Thanks for listening(tears stopped)[/quote']

Congrats on the band. People/ mothers need to put themselves first. Took me 62 years. Time to tell your daughter get a job or move out. I have sons but they had to work. They both quit college but now they each are business owners. They are older, 35 & 38. They saw their father work his ass off so I could spoil them big time. But they always worked since high school.

Be strong. Be dr. Phil and tell her. Will your husband stand behind you on this?

Good luck.

my household rule was school or rent you pick. if you go to school we pay for everything, if you don't you pay us rent. out of 3 kids, 1 went to the university, traveled europe for a semester and we paid everything. but she even worked while taking a full load. the other quit school, but she did work and pay us rent. the son joined the navy. they all said that the rule of school or rent was what made them adults not children. your 19 year old is not a child. there are a lot of jobs for a cute blonde girl. and you need to stop worrying about them if you stay stressed out you won't be successful with your band. it is" you" time they are old enough to appreciate that.

Don't feel bad - I have similar problems! My son is 23 he was in college for about 2 yrs and dropped out - he has an iq of 140 & he sells appliances and makes about $350 a week and lives on his own but constantly has $ issues.

My daughter is 22 and is in nursing school and works hard for every single good grade that she gets! She's doing good but she's in Maryland and I'm in Florida and it's hard! She works only on the weekends because of the classes she takes and she's making it on her own and barely asks for anything. She has 15 more months and she will be an RN with a bachelors degree!

My other daughter is 15 and has a congenital heart defect and they are considering open heart surgery after her dr appt on Friday. She is the sweetest little thing and she helps me the most! I'm just waiting for drs office to call me about this!

Then I have an 8 yr old daughter who's a cutey pie. And I'm married to a husband who helps whenever he can, but he works 70 hours a week!

I also have a very stressful job - and it's a mission to get to work. I live in homestead Florida and I drive to the train station and take the train into downtown Miami. But I make good $ and I love the people that I work with - it's just a demanding stressful job!

I completely understand where you are coming from! I often wonder how I can juggle everything & keep up with what I'm supposed to do & weight loss. But because of all these stresses in my life I let myself go and ate into fatness. I never put myself first, but I didn't want to be morbidly obese anymore and the problems are still there and there is always going to be problems of some kind! Just hang in there - I pray for my kids all the time & worry because we are moms we do that! Take good care

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I think everyone has a story. Me I am 27 yrs old, with 3 kids (7,5,2) I work full time, and I am in nursing school. I lost my mom when I was just 19 yrs old, I could of easily fell off my wagon, I had a 2 month old baby, was in college to become a Medical Assistant, and had 2 yonger brothers (17 and 15) to also take care of. I felt like giving up when my mom died, she was only 43, but I strived through for my daughter.

I finished school then started working, got pregnant again, started back at college. Worked full time, had another baby, etc..etc...

Where was time for me??? No where. Work, school, kids, bills, stress. No wondered I ate horrible.

Then I realized I need to do something for me. Only me. In December 2012 I contacted Magee about LapBand surgery. In January 2013 I started my 6 month diet, in march I quit smoking cigarettes, and in June 2013 I had my surgery.

I lost 70 pounds so far, i couldnt be happier. I did this for me. I go to the gym by myself and relieve any stress i have on the eliptical. I still work full time, still in college, still.have 3 kids and finally made myself a priority as well.

We need to be special as well, take care of ourselves. If we dont who will? Your daughter is of age 19 put your foot down. Take some time for YOU and good luck!!!