I keep seeing people with weight problems and have the urge to run over and start extolling the virtues of RNY...eventually I'm going to slip and say 'OMG have you ever thought about getting a gastric bypass?!?!' And someone is gonna slap me!

HW 312, pre-op (RNY) 255, current weight 206.8

I'm pretty lucky that I got a wonderful husband even before surgery. He even knew me in high school when there was a lot less of me. But I had to be a single mom for 3 years and work on my head first before I was ready for him. I wanted stability for my babies way worse than I wanted some a##hat sitting on my couch and treating me like crap or worse being mean to my children. But it took so long to convince myself that just because I was big did not mean I was unworthy of love.

Currently I don't have any friends to council on the benefits of this surgery because they are all smaller than me or have already had the surgery themselves. I just hope one day I can tell someone who needs the little extra push to go for it.

I was also an overweight baby. At 6 months I weighed 25 pounds and was put on a diet! I always had a weight problem my entire life. All of my family is thin except my father.

Also on the dating thing that anniesmom mentioned- I too have dated several guys and I let my weight overshadow terrible flaws they had. If I'd been thin or even more confident I would never have settled for the losers I did! I've been loser free for a year and eventually will date again. This time though I have no plans to settle for less than I deserve.

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I settled the first time and married an older man, even though I didnt love him, because I was fat and thought he was the only man that would want me.... 10 years later we divorced. My weight went WAY up (above the 370 I started this journey on) and I just went with what ever came along. I did lose about 50-60 lbs on diet pills and met a group of people and started going out with them. I met the man that is now my 2nd husband when I weighed 370, (he's not skinny) He and I dated for about 3 months and then married. Once again I married because I thought I'd never find anyone else and I settled. Like I said there were many men I dated between the husbands, never had a problem getting a date.... but I settled AGAIN... and now there are MANY issues... his total disrespect for me is the main one!! But I have gained my confidence and am working on MY issues and things are slowly getting better.

Just DONT SETTLE! You are worthy of love, respect and someone to encourage you!! No matter what size you wear or how much you weigh!

I to have an overweight freind,female, we talk daily on the phone and all i hear are

the bitching and complaining about being stuck in her wheelchair and about not

going anywhere and being stuck in the house but when i mention WLS she keeps

telling me about the effects of the drugs that put you to sleep for the surgery

and stops all conversations about it..I just dont know how to handle it anymore

and i pray she will come around soon, she is only in her late 40's and married

with 4 young children and i worry about her

Courage does not mean never being afraid. It means doing what's right for yourself and your family in spite of being afraid. Although you may believe strongly in the message, it sounds like your friend is not in a place where she can receive it. You might, or might not, have more success with encouraging her to seek the help of a professional. Or you could just call a spade a spade - "If you're not willing to take any action to improve your situation, at least be willing to stop complaining about your decision." A "tough love" approach to be sure. But coming from a place of love all the same.